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Communication with my Lovely Bride

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 12:10pm

My Wife has had a hard time with the latest round of SpermFamily drama.

This is the e-mail I sent her today:

H.

Here is a PDF of the judgement per our discussion last night. I have sent it to your work, hotmail and my yahoo addresses so that we can keep in readily available for reference.

Please know that you are an amazing woman and an amazing Mother. Do not let "them" ever shake your confidence in those facts, your accomplishments or yourself.

In our entire marriage I have never done this but I feel I have no choice at this point. As your husband, head of our home and Man of the house , I am going to insist that I handle all conversation on this topic going forward. I will not yell, I will not scream, I will not be disrespectful I will abide by the letter of the Judgement and the County visitation and support guidelines. I do not want you investing more of yourself for their benefit beyond what you have invested in the past 16yrs. If (SpermDad) can have (SpermGrandMa) be his mouthpiece I can be yours. I do not want you speaking to any of them again.

Please enjoy your relationship with your son and the life that you have created for he and I and yourself. Let them bask in the consequences of their pathetic lives.

Know that I love you and that you are my inspiration, my muse and my hero.

143!

R

P.S. Also attached are the latest responses from my step parent net communities on the posts I made last night. Other than the one I gave you last night these are the only responses. As you will see when you read them, you are in the right and we need to stay there.

Again, 143!

R

Thanks for the support. On this. The only good news is that in ~18mos the kid will be out from under the visitation leg of the Judgement. Things should get really interesting then because "they" will still be on the hook for CS until he is 21 as long as he is a full time student. In 18mos the pressure will shift from my wife to my Son. I will keep the lawyers on retainer to keep the Judgement crammed down their throats.

Thanks again to eveyone who has responded.

Best regards,

Comments

SerendipitySM's picture

Submitted by SerendipitySM on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 1:29pm

Personally I do not think that you have the right to tell or ask her not to communicate with the EH and his family. While I understand that you are very involved in this child's life and have been more of a father to him than the biological father - she is his mother and should communicate with them if she sees fit.

I understand that you are trying to spare her of having to deal with those ridiculous people and that is noble of you, however she is still the the child's mother and IMO should be the one to communicate with them.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 3:01pm

Serendipidy,

Thanks for the feedback. I struggled with that particular part of my e-mail to my wife. But, I decided that it is what I feel I have to do to take the emotional roller coaster elements of the situation out of the picture so that my wife can focus on what is in the best interest of our (her) son. She will be in control I will just be the talking head for the most part. SpermDad does not contact my wife at all regarding support or visitation with his son. He has SpermGrandMa do it. The intent is to use their methodology with our own slant. As StepDad I have as much right to be the talking head for our side of the situation as SpermGrandMa has to speak for the Sperms.

As indicated above, my wife will remain the decision maker I will just take on the mantle of the "Bad Guy" so that my wife can not personalize the attacks and struggle with the emotional attacks that invariably are launched at her by the Sperms.

Again, thanks for your input.

Best regards,

SerendipitySM's picture

Submitted by SerendipitySM on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 3:03pm

I can understand that. What is the deal with this guy that he has to have his mother communicate on his behalf? It's so sad to see how many biological parents can just write their children off like this.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 4:23pm

Vick,

We dealt with the "they said, we said" crap years ago. We record all calls from "them". Not a hard thing to do by the way. A few dollars at Radio Shack and you too can record all of fun and wacky calls from your opposition on the other side of the blended family isle.

I understand your thoughts that this is my wife's baggage to carry and that taking on the mantle of Talking Head puts me in an untenable situation. However, I actually love baring their idiot asses in arguments and the only difficulty for me is when my Wife lets them get to her. SpermDad lets GrandMa deal with it. My wife cares about what they think of her and I don't give a crap about what they think of me.

Not much changes other than my wife can keep her logical CPA brain focused on what is in the best interest of the child while I deflect their vile crap away from my wife and continuously tell them "read the judgement, it is clear and it is what it is. Take it or leave it or go get a lawyer and try to change it".

And I have fun doing it. }:)

Thanks for your input. Even descent is valuable for me to continuously adjust how we deal with the situation and the Sperms. It helps us formulate more sound positions and arguments. And ......... tempers some of my tendencies to go completely cannibal on their asses.

Focus Rags Focus......... Best interest of the kid, best interest of the kid ...............

Thanks and best regards,

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 3:45pm

Serendipity,

He has never taken any active action, role or responsibility for any of his four out of wedlock children by three different mothers.

My SS is the oldest of his four and the only one not subjected to their toxic crap full time. The three younger ones were bounced around between SpermDad and their mothers for a few years then all ended up at SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa's. SpermDad lives in an investment property owned by his parents and pays no rent.

If I had done what he has done as far as spawning four out of wedlock children my mother would have my Twig and Giggleberrys proudly displayed in a glass jar on her mantle and I can assure you that she would have removed them from my body in the most unpleasant method possible. Rather than let me take ZERO responsibility she would follow me 24/7 flogging me with a whip if I so much as took a one minute break from work. On pay day she would be standing next to me with her hand out while every dime I make was counted in to her hand. She would raise the GrandKids but I would be held accountable and would not get a minutes respite until I stepped up and performed as a father and a man. My Dad would kick the crap out of whatever was left of me after my Mom got through with me. They wold support me by letting me live in a tent in their back yard and I would be welcome to eat out of the dog food bowl but I for sure would not be on the RagsMom and RagsPop gravy train like SpermDad is with his parents.

So, to answer your questions, I have not idea what the deal is with SpermDad.

Best regards,

SerendipitySM's picture

Submitted by SerendipitySM on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 3:52pm

Wow Rags - enough said...lol

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 6:29pm

so does that mean your ss does not have to visit his dad from 18-21? they just have to pay but he doesn't have to see him? just trying to clarify as I hope my SD doesn't do that, is all

p.s. I wish my dh would let me speak to them and handle things sometimes - I don't think there would be as many shenanigans as I am not as vulnerable to all the 'beauty' of bm and 'cuteness' of sd

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/08/2008 - 8:20pm

Evil,

I am not sure of the accurate interpretation of what happens when CS stays in effect after age 18. Based on discussion with our two attorneys the visitation element of the judgement is no longer in effect after age 18 even if the CS element is in play until 21.

Our stance is this. SS can visit Bio-Dad and family any time he wants after age 18 as long as either SS or Bio-Dad and company pay for it............ all of it. Fortunately he is less and less inclined to expose himself to the toothless drama that he has to deal with when he is with them so I would highly surprised if he ever sees them again after the visitation element of the judgement expires in less than 24 months.

Bio-Dad and BPGM are going to freak when they realize that CS does not expire at the same time. :jawdrop: As BPGM told my wife last night "what goes around comes around and you are going to get yours real soon" How right she was, she was prognosticating her own situation. Ha! Karma is a wonderful thing! Blum 3

I am sure that in most cases where there is a viable quality relationship between the kid and both bio parents that visits will occur after the kid and the NCP are out from under the Custody/Support/Visitation judgment. I visit my parents several times a year on my dime (Wife and SS always participate) and my Parents visit us several times a year. If the relationship is there then the visits will occur and everyone will do whatever is neccessary to keep the family intact and the relationships growing.

If definitely sounds to me that your DH has no intention of letting his relationship with his kid(s) fade.

I look forward to continually quoting the judgement to BioDad and the BPGM from now on. It is the thing that drives them the most crazy.

Good luck and best regards,