Are we really such horrible people?
Against my better judgement, I invited my adult sd over to out house the other day for lunch. I don't know why the hell I did it because each and every time I see or speak to her she kicks me in the teeth.
So she turns up late with no phonecall or text message. Which is what she always does. Then she asks, "Where is dad?". When she finds out he is working, she pulls a face and starts texting various people on her mobile. She doesn't touch her lunch and any attempts at conversation are met with eye rolling and dirty looks when she thinks I cannot see her. She also stares at me which is very intimidating. You feel you have to fill the silences with chat and end up babbling.
I pride myself on being able to get on with almost anyone, even if we don't share a lot of common ground. But I can honestly say between my inlaws and adult stepkids, I have never experienced such hostility, not from anyone. It really eats away at your confidence and you begin to seriously question yourself. Could they be right? Is there something weird and horrible about me that justifies their behaviour.
Has anyone else got to this stage? I used to be such a confident person.
I agree, StepAside...I have
I agree, StepAside...I have completely given up on SD15 to the point where I am not even acknowledging her existence at all. I buy the groceries for the house and I always buy SD12 things that she likes, but I never buy the things that SD15 likes anymore. She will get the message. SD12 is such a sweet kid and I would give her the shirt off my back. I will never and I repeat NEVER do anything else for SD15 for the rest of her pathetic life. Even if she were to apologize (which she's done before, then reverts back to the same shitty behavior...hmmm, sounds exactly like BM and her recent attempt at an apology.) See a pattern here? SD15 and BM may as well be the same person. They are both pathetic excuses for human beings. I am happy with who I am and would never change for anyone...my DH loves me and the people who are important in my life love me...that's all that matters to me.
As far as DH's family...I am SO lucky. They absolutely LOVE me and hate BM with a passion. They have not spoken to her since they divorced 6 years ago. But, no one can blame them for that. She was so evil the whole time they were married, then to top it off, she cheats for 3 years with that woman and comes out as a lesbian. Yeah, I wouldn't expect the ex-family to have anything to do with me either if I pulled that crap. The whole 10 years they were married it was just one lie after another...BM is a compulsive liar.
Anyway, so no...we are not "horrible people" and there is nothing wrong with us. They are just small minded people with nothing better to focus on than making someone else feel "less than". Little do they know, it makes them look like dumb asses!
Love
**Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!**
No there is definitely
No there is definitely nothing wrong with us. Its people who are in secure who are like this. Jealous and of course i'm sure bm had a hand in it....and it doesn't help when their own father doesn't put his foot down.
I honestly have to say , you have tried really hard and have put yourself in vey uncomfortable situation with your sd. Doing lunch and her giving you the whole eye bit...i would speak to your husband and tell him what happened. Tell him you've tried and now that's it. Wipe yourhands clean and that you want nothing to do with them anymore.
If you keep doing this, they will chip your confidence self esteem down. bit by bit....dont let them.
i get along with many people too...but i've learned that not all people are worth getting along. That not all people are worth my company or time.
It's the opposite--you are a
It's the opposite--you are a kind thoughtful person and that is why you are being mistreated by SD. These types see any kindness as an open door to be abusive, i.e. consider it a sign of weakness. Under no circumstances is her behavior acceptable. Even if she hates you she should have been civil. SD, good luck in the real world, honey! I would have been severely tempted to take her plate away and throw it in the sink and tell her to leave.
You are the lightning rod for their discomfort with the divorce and DH moving on and being happy. It's less threatening to treat you like crap than put everything on the table with DH. In my case, it comes more from the SILS than from my skids, believe it or not. They lost their little boy when DH left their circle for me. Gag.
Like the Big Guy says, wipe the dust from your feet. You've done all you can with that little brat.
Thankyou all for your words
Thankyou all for your words of support. I really have taken strength from this.
I totally agree with you,
I totally agree with you, StepAside
And, I remember being where YOU are, Janey, still trying like hell hoping against all hope that SOMEHOW they "will see how great you really are..."
I don't know if any of you watch 2 1/2 men, but if so, you recall the episode where Charlie and Allan can't stand their mother but find out she found a "new family" and they were sick jealous?
That's how these "adult skids" work. The NICER you are to them, the more they kick you down. When, as I've done and you have also, ST, get on with your OWN LIFE and act as if they don't exist (to me, they really don't anymore.), THEN you'll see how SUDDENLY they want to be your "friend".
By then, it's too late. Yes, I'll be in Florida this Thanksgiving. They are coming here to eat and then leaving "daddy" all alone (surprise, surprise). The only thing I regret is that I AM LEAVING MY home and allowing them to eat a free meal. But, H know this is the LAST year this will happen, or he can go live with them.
I know they KNOW that they are the cause of tension in this marriage, and they KNOW that I really don't give a damn how they feel about me anymore. And THAT has them scared.
Janey, I'm quite the respected professional in my field, too, and I was totally heartbroken when I found out that these three saw NOTHING good about me. Well, sometimes you have to consider the source. Maybe it's THEMSELVES that they can see no good in and, and now seeing that "daddy" has found someone GOOD, it's a complete THREAT. Daddy no longer has to put up with their CRAP in that he has a safe haven with his WIFE.
Hang in there, and work on JANEY. To hades with them.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Gosh I could cry! I relate
Gosh I could cry! I relate so well to all of you. My therapist tells me repeatedly because I have a kind heart and I am educated I'm the poster child for a "door mat" when it comes to the stepchildren. They mistake acts of kindness I do at random to be "the norm." You know it's sad when one SD wants to go a Christmas craft fair with you and you have to ask her if she has her own money because she fully expects you to pay for what she likes while you're there. If only they could see at times we are the glue, that keeps this marriage going and if we left our spouses via death or divorce, there goes that backbone and support system they were IGNORANT to all along. We are the helpmates to the divorced then remarried fathers. We sacrifice so much of ourselves to stay married to our spouses. It just sucks we get mistreated while the biological moms tend to get all the glory. YSS has his mom posted as his "hero" on his myspace page and there's no mention of is dad, period. Sometimes I wonder if the "abuse" I feel from the stepchildren is set up by their mothers to get my goat. I know one ex doesn't like my DH is now happily married and in much much better financial shape. She is still renting an apartment and we almost own a home and both our cars are paid for. I think the green root of jealousy makes people forget we should love one another as God loves us. I don't like living like that AC/DC song "Highway to Hell."
Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.