I know my feelings for my husband have changed very much as a result of the situation with SD. And not for the better, unfortunately. I realize that he is a fallible person (as am I), but I feel he treats me unfairly in an attempt to make himself feel closer to SD. I love him still, but not the way I loved him when I married him. That's something I have to learn to live with. I have a feeling her feels the say way about me. Neither of us are the person we were when we got married almost eight years ago.

I am hoping, with SD going to live with BM, that we can regain some of that "loving feeling" that has been lost. I feel like maybe it's just submerged somewhere, waiting for the right circumstance to reappear. But if it's not, I will have to deal with that too.

I feel the same way! In order to not feel the pain of the circumstances, I detatch my emotions, good and bad from DH. This is really dangerous for me to do, though, because it completely kills our love life...I can't just turn it off then turn it back on...and I know DH notices it, but thinks I am just disconnecting and there is nothing he can do about it. He lived such seperate lives with his first wife, that he thinks the 'disconnection' is normal in a marriage...unfortunately, for me there is no marriage w/o a connection...just an eventuality hanging over my head and a constant sadness about how things could be if the circumstances were different...I REALLY wish SD would go live with BM...

you can probably see things clearer. The biokid is NOT the issue here, it is the FATHER!!!! Oh my gosh, you're not planning to stay with this man are you?

No, no, no... your future husband is not PART of the problem, he IS the problem and I would seriously think twice about finalizing that commitment. Love is great, but it means nothing without respect and it should never, ever cost you your sanity. I'm 100% with Angel on this one. Your detaching has allowed you to step back and see the situation and your FH clearly and dispassionately. You're not liking what you're seeing. Maybe you're seeing that he's not the man you thought he was or hoped he'd be, and that's disappointing. What kind of future does your relationship have with your FH continuing indefinitely to support his loser son's loser lifestyle?

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ANNE 8102 ♥ GEORGIA

I have to agree with Angel and Anne...what in God's name are you doing with a man who is this unhealthy?! Don't you think that his son is a direct reflection of what your FH is made of? If you're thinking about marrying im, you'll have this issue with his bioson for the rest of your life...it will NOT go away!

SB...I have been here and I have a very supportive DH.

Here's the rub with MOST men (not Steve I'm sure!!!!!)

"...he is the kind of guy who just likes to ignore things in hope that they will go away..."

My DH does this too and it drives me nuts. Most recently with the problem we have regarding his former employer's HR rep telling us we were covered by their insurance through the end of his last week there (he finished on a Tue, and had three days vacation coming.) He specifically asked before I had testing done, told them that was why and everything. Then they canceled insurance 24 hours after his last day (Tue.) I had around 700 bucks of testing done two days later, and now no one will return his phone calls from his former employer.

Guess who's doing all the paperwork, all the contacting of atty friends for suggestions, who is preparing all the info for the certified letter, who is having to write specific emails for him to send to the HR rep....

ME.

It was the same way in the custody case.

But his friend/old Army buddy needs a letter of reference for HIS custody case, and DH writes it, then asks me to "do your magic" on it. I didn't have time, because I'm running around trying to get this other legal/medical stuff taken care of.

If it is left up to him, we'll just pay my medical testing, because it's not worth the effort to fight it.

SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS? When we asked so this wouldn't happen?

It's frustrating.

But I really think it's all men.

I can't tell you how many times I tell him, "Have you talked to BM about when she wants SD?" or "....To ask BM if she can have SD while we're out of town...." Etc etc. I have to nag. And he gets irritable.

But if we don't force the issue how will anything ever be handled?????

I feel for you.

More later to you on this and your feelings. I have to finish painting my dining room and master bathroom ALONE. My in-laws are coming up tomorrow and the whole house is torn apart!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra