Did all feeling/emotion die for you after disengagement?
I'm afraid I have become far too detached.
Almost like my emotions are completely dead.
I don't believe I'm depressed.
But I am so cold and clinical at times it's almost frightening.
I can let go and laugh and have fun with my bios but after years of crap from H I just feel absolutely noting.
I learned that emotion where he is concerned is nothing but a mess and it never pays off.
It doesn't pay to care.
It seems so weird to me at times.
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Exactly. I feel completely
Exactly. I feel completely emotionally shut down.
Right now I know it's the best thing for my own protection but it makes me feel so abnormal sometimes.
Things that would make normal people cry for days don't even seem to affect me.
I don't think that you are
I don't think that you are depressed OR emotionless. You still enjoy/laugh with your own kids, right? I think you are done. As in D.O.N.E.
I didn't fully disengage,
I didn't fully disengage, just from the parenting responsibilities, I still interact with kids a lot. I experienced some levels of indifference after disengagement. I didn't "hate" nor "love" I just accepted things for how they were and let go of the things that I couldn't/wouldn't be changing. If your feelings are indifferent as far as skids go, I think that's ok. What concerns me, though, is you saying that you can't have fun with your bios. I hope you didn't become indifferent to them. If that is the case, I agree with Rising that perhaps you should talk to your doctor.
No I can still have fun with
No I can still have fun with my bios.
Maybe I am just dee oh enn eee done.
my fault read that wrong the
my fault read that wrong the first time around, you did say "can" not "can't"
Yeah, you are normal, just done!
Yeah. I'm the most
Yeah. I'm the most optimistic, cheerful person you'll ever meet , but I gave Perfectson24 and DIL22 some very fatalistic marital advice (DH and I have been married 31 years)1. If you're walkin' through hell, keep walkin'. and, conversely, 2.If you're done, you're done. I felt a little weird saying that to them, but I love them both too much to see them at any later date make each other miserable. I've had bad YEARS in my marriage, but DH and I always seem to find our way back to each other.
Are you talking about
Are you talking about disengagement from your husband? That is not a good sign. I'm so sorry.
I disengaged from the kids but my resentment of them grew stronger. I think I'm still angry that they had absolutely no reason to dislike me. In the beginning I went out of my way to help DH with them but never inserted myself too much into their lives. I thought I was just acting like a good adult role model or a benevolent aunt. They were taught to hate me by a bitter BM.
I really hated BM with a passion. DH was part of that problem. When he tried to shield me from her nonsense, he actually made me more suspicious of her. I hated the secrecy. Now that I'm copied on all emails, I don't even read them anymore. There is no point, they are all the same "me, me, me, me". Transparency actually helped me get past the hatred and move on to the eyerolling stage. This is a very recent thing (like a month or so) but there are more and more days where I feel nothing at all for her.
IDK if I've that far gone yet
IDK if I've that far gone yet but I fear I may be close.
I had to separate DH the
I had to separate DH the husband and DH the father. I have disengaged completely from DH the father and the skids, with minor relapses here and there.
DH my husband I love, he is a good man, I think he is sexy, I love him for the same reasons I married him.
DH the father, is a disappointment, weak, unsexy, controlled by his children and his children do not respect him - I avoid DH the father at all costs otherwise it taints my view of DH the husband. This is a weird mindset perhaps - I do not view them as the same thing. I turn the other cheek on DH the father, reminding myself I didn't marry the father, I married the man, all that matters is how he is as a husband to me.
Sometimes DH the father leaks into DH the husband, so I do my best to remove the overflow. If DH is fine with how his children are, that is his choice, if DH pays the consequences of how his children are, then that is his own undoing.
I am DH's wife, not mother to his children, his children are with BM, those are his problems, they can reap the benefits\consequences - not me. I have my own 2 children and a great husband.
That means, at times, my husband is unavailable to me when he is being DH the father - and if I choose not to engage with DH the father, I consider it free time for myself, my bios - consider it a business trip my husband is on and he will return when done
I love this. This is exactly
I love this. This is exactly how I wanted things to be. I loved it when his bullshit wasn't even on my radar because there were "kid days" and then "my days".
Once things became all enmeshed, DH got happier and I got more stressed and angry. He saw us all coming together as him not having to live a compartmentalized life anymore, I mourned the loss of that compartmentalization where I never had to look at his kids or think about his ex.
So the problem is that I feel exactly the way you do and my husband knows it. He thinks I need to learn to accept DH the father despite my numerous attempts to explain to him that DH the husband is the only thing I signed on for. The rest is like....a water heater exploding, a house fire, an illness: unwanted events that you just deal with. No one expects you to like them.
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