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I always knew it in my heart

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Submitted by positivelyfourt... on Thu, 07/16/2020 - 2:43am

My daughter found evidence that BM and SD were going to trump up some bullshit so my husband could get custody of our daughter.  This is from about twenty years ago during one of our frequent hiatuses due to his enmeshment with XW and miniwife SD.

Some of the old timers will remember me.  They used to ask me why I didn't just leave him.  That right there is exactly why.  She would have been thrown right in with all those treacherous people.  They would have pushed me out and ruined her.  She would have turned out as awful as them.  All of them.  My own husband too.

My daughter found medical records from when BM took SD to the doctor and it was in the same time period that I'd had enough of everyone's shit and left for a while. I don't know how they got into that box.  Probably someone trying to stir up drama.  BM was using the doctor visit to lay some kind of groundwork.  I don't know if she was going after my husband or if she was going after me.  I'm pretty sure she was going after me because my husband has never really let her go.  So BM and SD and probably my own husband have been working together against me simply because I called them out on their dysfunctional bullshit and refused to be part of it-at least not happily.

My daughter almost didn't tell me.  I didn't want to look because I am feeling pretty good nowadays and I don't want to be reminded of those awful times.  She told me anyway.  I thanked her for thinking enough of me to tell me what she found.  I always suspected things were that bad but people told me I was overreacting, reading too much into things blah blah blah all the usual gaslighting bullshit.

For the first time in years I have that old familiar feeling of my heart being ripped out of my chest.

I don't think it will take that long to get over it though.  I don't really have anything emotionally invested in my husband anymore.  He has cancer again.  I'll look after him and do what I can.  I'm the wife.  It's what we do.

 

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advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Thu, 07/16/2020 - 10:04am

This is awful I am sorry, I'm assuming your daughter must feel pretty betrayed by her father as well. Have the both of you though about confronting him? It might help all of you to at least get it out in the open what a horrible pathetic person he was...is?

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

Submitted by positivelyfourt... on Thu, 07/16/2020 - 11:00am

We are both doing much better.  

I have learned not to confront because people as sick as them will lie and deny and turn it around even with evidence.  They are sick.

It really has been years of lies, back stabbing and betrayal but really,  in stepland, it seems to be part of the territory.

I'll hang in there and be there for him.  I don't know what else to do after all these years.  If he goes first every last one of the people who were in on it or supported those who were are completely dead to me.

I don't really know if they all cooked this up between them or if BM decided to "help" him out.  This happened before she married the man she cheated on my spouse with back in the day.  All three of them are world class manipulators who lie and litigate to get an edge, so it wouldn't surprise me.

It's like living with the fucking Borgias.  It's been absolute hell but it was worth it so they couldn't wreck my daughter.  They are sick and dangerous people.  I don't know if my husband is as sick and dangerous as they are or if he was just duped by them.  He doesn't seem to be as deceitful as they are anymore.  I believe he has been manipulated terribly by BM who wanted to string both men along at once and when I showed up the music stopped.  I did not meet my husband until the divorce was final but I have been blamed for splitting up both the pre divorce family and the new family that never blended.

Ultimately, it is a husband problem but he's pretty damaged in his own right.  I'm not excusing his part in it all I am just detached enough to be able to analyze it objectively now.  It's just a job now.  A business arrangement.  I know it will never be anything more and after all this I wouldn't want the whole enchilada anyway.  I have been provided for financially.  He continues to see his daughter but no longer tries to throw us all together anymore.  Thankfully, SD doesn't come around here.  He usually sees her elsewhere.

SD was still a young teen when this happened.  She might not even remember or realize how devious her mother was in trying to cook up this bullshit.  Her mother was also trying to drum up SSDI for both her and her daughter at the time.  Crazy money.  They had to pay SD part back later.  Her antics as an adult have no doubt resulted from her mother's lies and manipulation so I don't completely hate her for what she's done but I'll never forgive or forget what any of them have done.  All of them are broken and they tried to break me too.  I'm not completely broken but I came damned close.