Am I being too soft on my son?
My BS will be graduating this year. He is a good student and does odd jobs for money. He has tried to find "real" work nearby and isn't getting anywhere. He was very active in some extracurricular school activities but he doesn't know that many people or have that many friends. The friends he has both have jobs and cars and all of it but they know a lot of people and that's how they got the jobs.
He is very discouraged. H and I have been trying to push him as far as applying for scholarships, financial aid(doesn't qualify 
)jobs.
He is a teenager and sometimes teenagers can be lazy. He will usually help if asked and doesn't have an attitude problem has never been in trouble done drugs, etc. He is usually an absolute joy to be around-for a teenager.
He makes a few hundred dollars a month with these odd jobs of his. To me, right now, this seems like enough since he is still in school. I feel like he is kind of limited right now due to being under 18 and still in school. Needs work permit to get job-needs job to get work permit can't work past 10, etc.
He doesn't have his license yet. He has been told he can't get it until he gets a job and can pay for insurance and gas and car etc. Am I wrong in thinking he can worry more about getting a "real" job when he is 18 or out of school or both? He will have more options at that time.
Right now we are regularly nagging him about these things. My H especially. Here is my problem. While I agree that my H is correct on many of his points I sometimes disagree with his delivery. He will yell and scream for an hour or more sometimes. While most of his points are legitimate, the delivery has much to be desired and can reduce grown folk to tears.
It sometimes looks a little more like systematically beating people down than the constructive criticism it is alleged to be. This takes away from the real issue and I become angry with my husband instead of trying to do something about my "slacker" kid.
I am trying to figure out if my kid really is that much of a slacker or if he's extremely discouraged or possibly depressed.
My husband can be very harsh and abrasive. He has a long history of abusing me verbally. I am trying to iron out is he abusing BS or just trying to light a fire under his ass? When he is airing his grievances, he is loud and frightening. On one hand I feel like he's right about some things on the other hand I'm thinking quit beating us all down.
I think BS may be depressed. He hides in the bathroom a lot or in his room. (Sometimes the bathroom at our house is the only peaceful place where we don't get yelled at) My daughter hides in her room. I hide in my head. We have all been doing this for quite some time. I think maybe both of the kids might be depressed.
I am usually the person who gets yelled at. When I'm not it seems to be BS. Almost looks like a pattern. Maybe I read too much into it though.
Thought?
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All I can take from this is
All I can take from this is that your husband is a bully. Why do you let your children get screamed at so much that they have to hide in their own home? This is not healthy. I think you should stop worrying about pushing your son who:makes good grades and is very involved in extras, and push you husband to anger management. Personally anyone yells at my kids they way you are describing, I would be pushing him right out the door! My DH is an Ass but he only yells at me. He knows a hell of a lot better than to yell at my kids, and I don't take that crap sitting down.
You BS is probably afraid
You BS is probably afraid anything he does is never good enough so why bother. If your DH isn't the kids bio Dad then he needs to shut the hell up or get the hell out.
No one yells at me or my kids
No one yells at me or my kids in my own home. This is a creepy crazy way to live. I mean, your kids are hiding and depressed in your house because you let your DH abuse them.
Get yourself in counselling to see why you would allow this to happen. Then get your kids into counselling. Then see if DH would go. If not,. that would be a deal breaker for me.
Starbucks hires kids at 16+
Starbucks hires kids at 16+ years old if you have them in your area. Most stores close at 9pm and he can work the minimum of 16 hours a week,and they do 4 hour shifts to 8 hour shifts so he can pick up a few shifts after school or work longer shifts weekends. They should be hiring as summer is coming up and the staff tends to fluctuate as people move, etc. You can apply on the starbucks website. They also give health benefits and you can promote up in the company in as little as 6 months. Also since most starbucks open at 5am, you can get an opening shift at 4am so there is a huge range of available hours to work making this a great job to have when you are in school.
Sorry that I can't really help with ideas with your husband, but I like what others have suggested with counseling. I would be depressed too if my dad was always screaming at me. I hope things get better.
Yes, I think I do baby both
Yes, I think I do baby both of them.
I do agree with no job no license.
And I do understand H is trying to help him be the man he is supposed to be.
I just wish he didn't have to be so hard about it.
Thank you for the suggestions
Thank you for the suggestions about Jobcorp and Starbucks. I will mention it to him.
I feel in my heart that my husband is abusive as far as the yelling and screaming goes-but then my son is kind of unmotivated at times.
Example-his odd jobs. IDK how many times he's said,"I have to work in the morning" and he doesn't get out of bed until noon on weekends. I say, "Don't you have to work for so and so today?" "Yeah" Roll over and go to sleep. This is what makes me think he's depressed. Why else would you do that? If it was me, I'd be thrilled to leave the house and make a few dollars! Especially with dad yelling and screaming at me on occasion.
I've told him if he doesn't straighten up, the guy he works for is going to find someone else to do the work. I tell him it's hard to find work and if you have an opportunity to make money you'd better not sneeze at it!
He complains because the guy makes him do dishes or file the same papers over and over again. I tell him so what? You're being paid to do it, it's easy work who cares you're getting paid do it and be happy you have a chance to make some money.
So I can see my husband's points. When you take this into account, yes he does look kind of like a slacker.
I just wish H didn't yell and scream at him so much. There has to be a way to get through to him without this sort of thing.
And I admit it-my husband can be kind of a bully too.
IDK.
Your husband is a bully. I
Your husband is a bully. I don't believe they have to have a job in HS. As long as they have AL's and B's. My son worked a little as a dishwasher, but teenage jobs are hard to find. I gave him a car and only expected him to pay his gas. I will not let him work in college. His focus should be grades and maintaining a 3.3 to keep his tuition paid.
He also sounds depressed and that should be your priority. You have to put him and your daughter as your priority, not a husband that sounds like a bully.