SD18 won't come back! Joy!
I am doing the Snoopy Dance today!
SD18 called her father yesterday and announced that she is not returning to our home because it's a "hell hole" and she doesn't think she owes us any explanation or apology for breaking into our personal property in search of cash while we were away.
Oh, and did I forget? The whole situation is ALL MY FAULT too!
When DH announced this to me yesterday with oh so sad eyes, I had to stifle my Snoopy Dance. I was overjoyed! This means that we're done housing the last of his loser adult children! DH has 5 adult brats, and he's had to kick out 4 of them over the past three years. When we married about 2 years ago I had no idea just how screwed up these people were. I naively thought that a stable, calm home would give them a chance to go to college and make something of themselves. No such luck. Their presence in my home just made my life a living hell, and may yet end our marriage. I felt like I was living with a bunch of terroristic mutant Eyores from Winnie the Pooh.
No more!!! Now I have to deal with DH, who wanted SD18 out (doesn't really like her), but is in mourning that his loving children are not under his wing anymore. You know, the loving children who stole from him, trashed his stuff, didn't respect his property, and attempted to humiliate him in front of his own family.
DH has promised me that next week he'll assign title to them for the cars he's bought them, which means we are no longer liable for their vehicles, their tickets, or their accidents. That means we can boot two of them from our insurance policy too. He's waffling on the cell phones though--he still thinks we should pay for their cell phones even though they are working (or loafing) adults. Yeah--amazing logic isn't it? I cringe when the $400 cell phone bill comes each month. We don't have that kind of money to fritter away on their downloaded ringtones!
One thing at a time. If I manage to get DH to kick them off the cell phone plan, then all we have to do is pay off the $100,000 bill (yes, six zeros there) for SD18's year in rehab, and make sure that the rest of the brats make payments on the $125,000 in student loans that DH co-signed for them. Of course they flunked out of college (probably my fault too :-)), and DH's good credit has already been destroyed by their late payments defaults.
But at least they are out of my home!! 
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Woo hooooooo!
Congratulations! I know what he's mourning and it sure as hell isn't the loss of them being under his wing to care for and guide through life. It's the loss of his own brain cells that caused him to make such horrible choices for them when they were younger, because now, baby, he's reaping what he sowed. He's mourning the loss of whatever control he ever had over them. He's mourning the loss of what his children SHOULD have been, but will sadly never be. And honey, that's not your fault. It's his, theirs and their mother's. Maybe now that she's gone permanently (crossing fingers on that one!) the two of you can try to rebuild your marriage.
The cell phones need to go. And I think the cars should be sold and whatever money you get from them go towards paying off the debt. I know there's probably no chance in hell of that happening, but at least you have your house back. Congrats!
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Well Said, Georgia!!
Snoopy, Humpty - I'm about all jigged out!! Been Jiggin for Crue and myself, and now - wait let me catch my breathe, for you !!!! (kinda sounded like a hallmark card
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
ha ha snoopy dance
I kinda like the Humpty dance!!
I will doing that once FH oldest gets a place of his own so FH can move in with me!!
enjoy the silence!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Congrats.. The debt they
Congrats..
The debt they left in their wake is STAGGERING!!! god lord! and yes.. I would put an end to their cell phone bills as well. I cant imagine they stay w/in their cell plan!!
You must be estatic though.. having regained control of your home!!!
Cell phone idea
When my stepson23 moved back to our town, DH was planning to let him get a cell phone on our existing plan and pay the extra for an added phone. It's only about $10 a month. This was the arrangement we had with him last time (only he NEVER EVER NOT EVEN ONCE paid the $10 a month). Although $10 a month is not a big deal, and the kid has no friends and doesn't use any minutes to speak of, I still did not want him on our plan. Here is how I handled it.
I reminded DH that last time stepson had a phone on our plan, he used it to call his drug dealer to arrange meetings. He even had the guy in his phone directory!!!! I told DH that if the dealer got busted, the police might investigate his buyers - people who called him. If the phone was on our plan, the police would have records that a phone owned by DH was used to call a drug dealer frequently. How would that look? Of course we could let the police test us, search our house and cars, whatever, we don't use drugs so I think in the end we would not be in trouble, but that it would take time, hassle, legal fees etc. Why put ourselves at risk? We're not the ones who called a drug dealer all the time, it was stepson23.
DH was upset with me, said to me "you don't want to be connected with stepson23 in any way" (gee can't imagine why not). But in the end he told stepson23 he would have to get his own phone!!!!! Yeah!!
So that is what happened. He had to get a prepaid one, since his credit sucks.
Nellie
I heard that one too!
Yes indeed--I've heard that one. Here's a few I've heard from DH recently:
"You don't want any connection with my kids." My response: Who in their right mind would?
"You've never bonded with my kids." My response: I find it difficult to bond with addicts, alcoholics, and people who disrespect my husband.
"You don't understand the importance of family." My response: If that were true we'd be divorced already.
"You only see the negative with my kids, and you ignore the positive." My response: I guess I missed something. Please fill me in on the positive news about your children. (Silence).
Yes, I know I sound like a real bitch, but, as I said before, the gloves are off. I refuse to sugar-coat the obvious anymore and ignore the truly awful actions of DH's adult brats. If DH can't understand or live with my white-hot anger right now (won't last forever)--he can always leave the marriage and make my decision that much easier.
Until then, I will answer to his stupid comments as honestly as I damn well please.
woohoo
I love that can I use those??
man oh man clever!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Yeah--their debt is indeed staggering
DH and I are college educated and have good jobs, but by no means are we wealthy. Like most people we live more on the edge than we'd like. Unfortunately for us, the debt DH (translate: we) carries for his adult children is enormous.
Luckily for me, this debt was taken on by him BEFORE we were married, which means I can probably escape it all in a divorce. He is the only one who signed on the loans--I am not stupid enough to co-sign for any of DH's adult children. DH and I have some real issues about the amount of money that he spends on those losers each month. Frankly, I'm pretty pissed off, but that's another blog entry!
Here's the legacy of DH's adult children:
- $100,000 for SD18's on year of rehab. Payments on that loan are more than our 2nd mortgage. SD18 is using again, so this money was wasted.
- $125,000 co-signed student loans that adult children are supposed to repay. Three dropouts so far. No graduations planned.
Since January 2008:
- $1750 to pay for SD24's rent. She's working full time and cannot afford to pay rent?
- At least $300/month to pay adult children's cell phone bills.
- $1000 to purchase SD18's car.
- $2100 to repair SD18's car.
- $160 for SD18's driver's license after she flunked the test twice.
- $750 for SS21, who also works full time and cannot seem to pay his rent.
- $80 for SD24's car registration.
- $100 "borrowed" by SD18--who knows how much she stole in excess of that.
- $250 for SD24's car payment. Yep, she can't seem to afford car payments with that full-time job either.
- $250 plane ticket for SD26 to come visit...her MOTHER.
- $50 for a present for their cousin--only $20 of which went to the actual present.
DH is stymied about why we "fall short each month." I am making a more comprehensive list of expenditures for adult children since January, just so he can see how much he forks over to those brats. I am sick of working so hard to support them.
I hope some readers with younger teenagers will read these posts and save themselves some grief.
That is definitely crazy..
That is definitely crazy.. I can tell you right now.. my dh does NOT make that kind of money.. and if he started dishing it out that fast, he would be cut off from the bank accounts... and credit cards closed.
As it is.. We are trying hard to get out of self imposed debt.. and yes.. part of that debt is from the Disney trip I mentioned in my post... lol.. I keep re emphasizing that we have no extra $$ to just splurge on stuff the skids do not need or USE.. (room.. full of toys going UNUSED)
Try Ebay, people will buy anything !!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Change cell providers
Hi Sarah101,
If you and DH are on the same cell phone account - and you are the primary on that account - you can call your cell provider and close the account. You can request to transfer your phone to another account which is only in your name. I nearly did this last weekend because the SD18 didn't answer her phone when we called to get her phone info so we could set her up the on the new account. She ignores her dad even though he pays her phone bill. I was about ready to switch and leave her phoneless until she called and apologized. But.... then I found out we have to pay off our new phones first, so - I guess I will do this again in a few months. Pretty sure she won't answer the phone then, either. Just an idea for when you get fed up with both of them.