Honest to dog, these guys should be required to wear a warning label. Since they're not, I'll tell you--he and his spawn are extremely hazardous to your social, physical, and financial health. Leave them, now. Seriously, just GTFO. This is not going to get any better, and odds are it will get a lot worse. You'll never last until they're 18.

DF is looking for a cheap nanny for his kids and a place to stick his dxck when he's in the mood. If he's great in the sack, tell him you wouldn't mind hearing from him every few weeks at your new place, probably not for an overnight and certainly not in his place with his spawn.

I'm serious. Read around this forum. We are not making this stuff up. Understand that this is going nowhere. GTFO now, while you can.

Hon, relax..... this is no one's fault, not your future FIL's not your fiance's and least of all not the step sons..

It's all your fault, You allow them to use you as maid and nanny, grow a pair of balls.. oh wait you already have and because they are so big it's located on your chest, now use them.

This is the future action plan - these kids are not yours, you have no obligation towards them and you are not their mother. you are not married to the father, regardless of having a child together.... Remember this....

Dealing with FIL - simply tell him, FIL if you do not want to have the kids on the bus you can drive them round, I will not do it. School bus is for free my gas cost money. Over and done with... if the old man dares saying anything smile and say... you have no input in my relationship so keep quiet please... or tell him. FIL you are the grand father not the father butt out. (now that he's sorted lets go over to the skids)

|Disengage from skids.... you are not their mother you do not owe them anything, no laundry, no cleaning after them, no rides, no buying them anything and learn to tell them ASK YOUR DAD.....
Read this link, this will help you http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html - I never talked to my SO about it, I just started doing it.

Now for your real problem - Fiance....
When skids do not attend to their chores, or do not listen to you, leave everything as is.... and when SO gets home tell him, I asked the kids to do this they told me NO, I'm not their maid so guess you will have to do it for them...
Skids have no clean clothes... they complain... you smile and you tell SO - guess you will have to do laundry tonight... you only do laundry for you and your daughter, not even for SO....

SO getting pissed off cause you do nothing, smile and say, I'm your fiance not your effing maid, then walk away let him have his little mantrum and laugh about it, take your daughter and do fun stuff with her, the boys can wait for Daddy to entertain them. You keep to your saying, I'm not their mother and you do not back me up trying to teach them, thus I'm not getting involved again it's all on you SO...

This will test your SO's love for you, and Hon seriously get your own money and start working on an escape plan...

Due to a bratty child I moved out of our house and I refuse to go back until the brat left... my SO is not very happy about it and sulks about it, but I keep true to myself and I keep on telling him... if you parented your child we would not have been here, now it's to late to teach the snot any manners, Oh SO improved allot, and he was under the impression if he parented a bit I would move back, it did not happen cause Aergia is still not cleaning after herself...

If you stay at home, this is what you do.... you tell skids once to clean the living room, take their shit to their rooms, you know they will reply with NO... do not let this bother you, you told them to clean, they refused, Hour later you simply clean for them like a good maid and you trash everything. Communal area's your responsibility, their rooms - nah just close the door... not your room not your problem.... Kids learn very quickly to keep their stuff in their rooms }:) my SO had a couple of melt downs cause I trashed Aergia's shoes and clothes in the outside bin, I smiled and said - it's a TV room not her sleeping room, she was told to take her shit to her room... she ignored me and I like a tidy house...

Dishes not rinsed before put in the washer, pffft take it out and stag it on a table, only make sure you and DD have clean dishes.... if they want clean dishes they can wash it themselves, if they rinse it you will do dishes...

see it's really that easy and that's why I say you brought this onto yourself, now you can change it, it's not going to be easy, believe me, your SO will scream and shout, but I'm telling you this and you know it's going to happen, you can prepare for it... look at him, say nothing get a small bitch smile and walk away... it will take about a year before things change, but only if you take control and stand strong and do not give in.

Why wait another 8/10 years.

Get out now. Your other half doesn't see you any different to a nanny,housekeeper and cook with the added 'bonus of sex for him'.

He will never be a parent to these kids until he has too, and that will only be when you leave.

I can see him letting them live with us in their 30's, rent free. To be honest I have really grown to dislike my stepsons..Some days it's tolerable, but most days I spend in my room with the door closed because its the only room they haven't overrun. I find myself so close to snapping. You have to understand after YEARS of being treated like garbage by them, I am fed up.

You are not doing anything about it, so you are not fed up enough. You have put up with this for years, why? Because you love him? Sometimes, a lot of times, love is not enough.

You know damn well that nothing is going to change, you know that he is going to coddle them forever and let them treat you like dirt forever. What does that tell you about your wonderful fiance?

You keep referring to yourself as a step mom but because you are not married to their dad, you certainly are not one. It would be difficult on a good day for an actual step mom (one who dad bothered to marry) to have authority over step kids and give them directions about chores etc, but their dad's new baby mama? Forget it. You really complicated the situation by having a kid by this guy. I agree with posters that say disengage, get a job and get ready to do this on your own if need be, it would probably be easier than the mess you describe.

For comparison as to how this could work, I am an actual step mom to two teenagers who drive me bananas and live with me and their dad full time. That said, I don't do Jack for them unless I happen to want to volunteer. I did not choose to create them, I am not taking care of them. Dad sets limits, enforces chores, gives rides, answers questions about can I/why can't I? They know better than to ask me about stupid crap. Their dad is a good dad, I don't always agree with his choices but he is open to private discussion about rules and punishment/privilege. Some of their most brilliant punishments secretly came from my evil mind, they just don't know that. I may not take care of the kids but I take good care of dad (if you knew what I mean). He is still, as far as I'm concerned, a single parent. And that is really hard. He is a very loved and emotionally and physically supported single parent though, and he says that makes it much easier than truly being alone. You can't replace a parent. Unless you come in when that child is a baby and the birth parent is dead, you will never be close to being their parent, why try? This way, the boundaries are clearly defined, and that is critical for everyone to be even remotely content.

In my situation, Dad puts me first, always has. I am not dumb enough think that we get to act like the kids don't exist, but I know that my feelings and desires are always considered first, and that is why I married my husband. I say my Skids drive me bananas because they do, they are teenage boys, they are by definition annoying, but their dad makes it bearable for me the way I make being a parent bearable for him.

You have set a difficult precedent by attempting to parent these children, you need to step back, no pun intended and let dad be the parent. You can start with the rides, if he wants them picked up from school instead of the bus, he either does it or finds a way to get it done that does not involve you. If the kids have chores that are not being done, he addresses it. You don't say a word about it, except to dad. Not your monkeys, not your mess.

My husband never asks me to do anything for the kids. I may occasionally volunteer to do something if I think it might ease his workload or something, but I often wonder about women who set precedents by jumping in and do the cooking/cleaning/driving with another person's children. If they suddenly refused, would dad no longer want them? In a lot of instances I think the answer is yes. The way I have my world set up, I know my husband is with me because he wants a wife, not a mother.

These are not young kids. They can get their asses on the bus to and from school. If DH wants them to have a ride... he can take them and pick them up.

Good luck. I don't see this getting any better unless you come down on DH and his prior relationship spawn like a ton of crap in a 1lb bag.

I can relate when it comes to chores and kids not wanting to do them. I spent 3 years watching eldest skate out of/complain/whine and ask "why do I have to", and just the other day the youngest, SD10, complain when I merely suggested that she do the dishes for her father. She got extremely huffy, and did the whole "why do I have to..." and then has the nerve to question my contribution "What does CLove do?" like because I live there somehow I am obligated to be the maid? Um, no.

Remember - you cannot care more than the parents. You do not have to be their shuttle bus. It is ridiculous that they expect this of you.

As to the chores - it flabbergasts me that parents these days do not require them of children as a normal process of learning responsibility. Sad to say, but in this case it will get worse and love just isn't enough to overcome bad parenting.