Anyone have any good times!?!
Forums:
So I'm fairly new to this and I'm just wondering if any of you SM's (or SD's) out there have any GOOD things to say about choosing to be a stepparent? I realize this is a place to vent, but everyone can't really hate their lives this much, can they??? Sometimes I get mad at myself for evening logging on to this site and reading stuff b/c it's all rather terrifying!! lol Things aren't too bad with my SO and his kids (well.. yet!) Me & him have discussed a lot of stuff that I find on here and I believe that he will continue to be supportive.
So, good stuff, anyone!?!? 
Yea I'm hoping things don't
Yea I'm hoping things don't end up being too stressful for me. I do worry about that, but I guess life is all about taking chances on what you want at the time, if it doesn't work - lesson learned. Move on. I think his son (8 ) will be fairly easy for me to deal with. His daughter (9) - I can see her being a lot to handle (especially if she ends up like her mother!) She already has a temper at times (and HATES change!). They have 50/50 custody too - so I'm not sure if that makes it easier for us all to get used to each other, or harder b/c they will be around so much! Time will tell!
Overall, I think I have been
Overall, I think I have been pretty lucky.
SD23 was a well behaved kid for the most part. Something happened when she hit 15 but my husband did not put up with any crap from her or BM so although not stress free, it could have been worse.
BM is psycho and gave us quite a hard time for a good while, but in the end, I feel we prevailed. We have had no communication with her since CS was terminated.
Honestly, if I had had to deal with some of the stuff I read about on here, well, I just wouldn't have. But I would like to think my DH would not have allowed it in the first place.
The stories about bad hygiene and the blatant disrespect? No, I would not have put up with that.
I wouldn't say I'm glad to be a step parent but I have never hated it, at least not as far as SD was concerned. I hated who her mother was, though.
Sure. I am a Step Dad. My
Sure. I am a Step Dad. My bride, SS-22 and me have had great times for more than 20 years together. The drama came from my Skid's Sperm Clan but we were able to overcome their toothless moron redneck bullshit.
As others have said, the key is being equity life partners with your SO and both of you putting your married as the priority over everything including kids regardless of kid biology. The marriage is always the unequivical priority. Kids can be the top responsibility for both of you but the marriage is the top priority.
Good luck and have fun.
Great! Yes, we've had the
Great! Yes, we've had the talk about needing us to be top priority. I told him a few months back that it sometimes felt that I was 4th - kids, BM, then me. I didn't like that and didn't think I could do it forever. I found some articles and we went through a lot of stuff and now he understands and has made the changes to keep our relationship healthy. He wants us to be a good example of a relationship for the kids and doesn't want to let them run things, or be disrespectful to me.
Glad to hear things aren't all bad!
That you and DH can talk this
That you and DH can talk this issue out indicates that your relationship is a good one. That focus alone will go a long way to making your blended family experience a comparatively nice one.
It really can be a positive and even fun experience. Sure, there are drama filled moments like in any family but the choice of being a SParent and a partner to a bio parent puts the blended family experience on a unique platform all its own.
I agree with what others have
I agree with what others have said: it doesn't matter how crazy the BM is and how horrific the kids are: as long as your and your partner put the relationship first and have each other's backs, you'll be okay.
Realize that those of us on here have situations that are beyond the pale- if we had "normal" BMs and skids, we wouldn't be here. Reading a lot on here might skew your perception!
I used to have a great
I used to have a great relationship with my SD. She idolized me and called me "My Teas83". She told everyone she wanted to be an accountant when she grows up (that's what I do). She would always choose spending time with me over spending time with my husband.
Because of how close we were, BM got very hostile. She made a false claim to Child Services about me and had be banned from SD's school, among numerous other things. I went to a counsellor to see how to deal with all of it, and she suggested that I take a step back from SD. My husband should've been doing more to be involved in her life instead of letting me do everything for her. I was also about to have my own baby, so the counsellor said I should focus on my DD and myself more than my SD.
I took the advice and it worked against me. My SD now thinks that I'm mean. BM and her crazy mom document absolutely everything negative SD says about me and they bring it into all the legal proceedings regarding the CO. So I still get hostility from BM, but it's in a different form and for a different reason.
There was no way I could continue to be as involved in SD's life as I was. I had my own baby to take care of, which I found to be overwhelming initially. I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but in some ways I wish we could go back to how it was before.
Wow! That is ridiculous! I
Wow! That is ridiculous! I don't understand why BMs can't just be happy that their children have extra people in their lives who help them, are kind to them, love them, etc. rather than their children being stuck with someone who treats them like crap! I'm sorry things turned out that way, hopefully when your SD gets older, she'll figure out what was going on and you guys can get back to a happier place!
For BMs, it's more a fear of
For BMs, it's more a fear of being replaced by that kind, caring"other person". Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with you, it's all in BM's crazy, selfish head. That's what makes step parenting so difficult- you're supposed to be kind and sweet because they're kids, but if you get too close, you'll pay for it. After BM REALLY went apeshit, I chose to not get too close to my SSs. Too bad for them, but better for me and DH.
i enjoyed it at first, during
i enjoyed it at first, during the honeymoon.
Same here.
Same here.
We are having great times now
We are having great times now (empty nesters).
All of our s/kids have flown the coop, CS is done, communicating with the psycho BM is over with and our bills are getting paid OFF instead of having so much of my DH's hard earned money going to BM who didn't want to spend it on the skids.
For most of us, if we didn't
For most of us, if we didn't love our DH's we wouldn't still deal with step shit. Hell, a lot of us don't need our DH for anything--we'd be fine to walk away, support ourselves, wouldn't alter our lifestyle at all (except maybe to improve it--ha!) So, there is the good. Love. That, and hope that the skids will someday grow up, move far away and never enter our homes again for longer than a couple hour visit once a year
We have a pretty good
We have a pretty good situation. My stepkids care about me, love their dad and little brother and also love their bm and their stepfather. They enjoy both houses and respect both step parents as authority figures. They can be annoying like all kids, but my husband is very supportive and understanding. Bm can be a pain at times and a little overbearing and controlling, but she has her kids best interests in mind in the end, which is more than I can say for a lot of bms here!
^^^ this is what I'm hoping
^^^ this is what I'm hoping for! BM is engaged and has been A LOT less of a bitch since that happened. I still think she completely sucks, but at least she isn't so aggravating to my SO anymore!
Nope. No good times here
Nope. No good times here except my kids. Im sure your life wont be as bad but our BM has BPD and has ran a campaign to destroy every happy thing we ever had in our lives. She has now passed the torch to SD. So nope. Anytime SD has been involved it has been horrible and at the most tolerable. Never happy in 18 years.
I LOVE my sd and we do often
I LOVE my sd and we do often have fun together- sd and I or all three of us or along with my kids/family. My mil used to be very supportive of me as a smom- that was nice (now she seems kind of indifferent).
My smom issues have all been related to dh/bm issues.
It has not be all hell. And the problems dh & I have, we would have with or without a skid in the picture I think.
Sometimes I think that people blame the skids or bm or step-parenting because it is the focus of the fights; it is where the problems are manifesting... but it isn't necessarily the CORE of the problems.
Remember most of us here are here for a reason. Happy, well-adjusted smoms with happy dhs and considerate bms and good skids are not necessarily looking for a place to vent- but they do exist.
That said... things often start off blissful and make a turn for ugly when we aren't expecting it. So just because things are good now, doesn't mean they always will be.
Skids are an ongoing working
Skids are an ongoing working relationship. You don't get the instant love from them that you get from bkids. you constantly have to prove yourself worthy to not only them but to everyone else who cared for them prior to you coming along. it is a long process as I am learning. I don't have BM drama thank goodness. Step kids are like onions you gotta peel back the layers one at a time and cry lots of tears but like anything else in life its worth it. the love that you have for and show them will make a difference eventually. they will see one day who was there for them. hang in there.
Yes, I would definitely say
Yes, I would definitely say we have a lot of good times. For every time I kicked myself thinking "I can't do this, what have I gotten myself into?" there are many more times that make me smile, tug at my heart, and make me feel happy. I'm very blessed in having a super supportive SO, and a (for the most part) well-behaved SD5.