Very long story...pfft.

That's what I've come to call my husband..pfft. Sort of like the period at the end of a sentence.

He does nothing. More than anything he does nothing and I just have to vent. He works thousands of miles away for the railroad and supports his family. He pays child support to two wonderful kids. He pays our bills..well most of them because I work full time.

For those that don't understand..railroad workers get moved around all the time. They may spend a year here and year there. Some wives move with them to a point until they finally plant their feet and let their hubbies move..most of them keeping small apartments while they eat, sleep, and work for the railroad.

It sucks but we make it work. Or at least try to, as it's not just about us wives making it all work by ourselves..it's the husbands that have to really TRY to go the extra mile to MAKE it work and mine isn't one of them..

In my opinion, he does nothing other than talk to me on the other side of the phone twice a day in the morning and at night. I have problems with things like my car and ask for his advice. He doesn't know and as he says, "I'm not there..I don't know.."

We're supposed to discuss things that we purchase and I try to make him a part of it. He CAN look online and be proactive in what I buy, yet again..his reply is always, "I don't know.."

My feeling is, he spends HOURS online and could look it up if he wanted to. He spends HOURS on Reddit..but can't look up a simple task on helping me change a headlight on my car, etc.

He could if he wanted to.

He's my husband and I need more from him but he refuses to give that to me. His reply is always, "I don't know..I'm not there.."

I've started to become my own person and have started to become defensive towards him. I used to look forward to talking to him at the end of my work day, but lately, as in tonight..I didn't care to make the time to talk to him after work. He's not here and makes absolutely no effort.

I recently had a very stressful situation. I handled it. He was there to talk to on the phone but that was about it. Not once did I hear him say, "It'll be okay honey..I love you and we'll get through this..hang in there..do you want me to come home..I can if you want.." NO.

He's just a putz when it comes to things. I got angry with him and told him to never mind and I'd handle it on my own. He couldn't understand why I was angry with him..what did he do?? It's what he DIDN'T do that put me off.

He's just so unemotional. Even miles away he could make me feel like he's sending some sort of hug..but he doesn't know how to hug much even when he's here with me..I can't even get him to hug me across the kitchen..a hug behind when I'd doing the dishes, etc.

I've learned to live with it for the most part as he's loving as hell in this very different way. Supportive when he's here..funny..and many of you probably wouldn't understand until you learn to get into this kind of man's head...and those of you that don't get it will probably rip this post to shreds.

I'm not here to ask for advice, but to vent. For a man that was the love of my life..it's shredding all in front of me as I become more and more independent. He's coming home for a two week vacation shortly and he's not only counting down the days, but the hours when he'll see me.

To be honest..I love him and want to see him, but I'm not the same person anymore. The person that used to look forward to him coming home for a few short weeks...only to leave again and go back to work..I used to soo look forward to him coming home..and cry my eyes out when he left..but..

I've hardened and built a gradual wall. He hasn't helped it any by not making me feel protected..by my side through the miles..he's done none of that and all he's become is a voice on the other end of the phone.

I love him, but not like I did. I've held down the fort for his two children and his 12 year old daughter and I are very close, even though they live 4 hours away with their mom and stepdad. If only I could have them every weekend, maybe I could make a difference, but I can't.

My stepdaughter wonders why he can't just get a job closer to home. I told her that he just wants to make money to support her and her 15 year old brother and give them the things they want. Her reply is always that she doesn't care about the money..she just wants to spend time with her dad while she grows up..and as she said, "When he's finally here all the time..I'll probably be married and have kids..he didn't get to see all my stuff.."

Yeah..I know. Her 15 year old brother is angry as hell and has started to call my hubby by his first name. My stepdaughter told me that he said, "He's never around anyways so I may as well call him someone I know rather than, "Dad".." and is in counseling for severe depression issues.

Yikes!! And my hubby thinks he going to fix it all in a few weeks time with the them.

I've tried to explain to him that it's not all about the money. That it's more about time with his kids than spending money on them as he thinks opening his wallet is going to make them happy.

He'll be home..to basically "visit" for two weeks next Friday. He's counting down the days and actually hours. To be honest..I don't want to open my heart up just so he can go back to work again so I keep an short arms distance with my heart.

It doesn't help that I'm tired of his lackadaisical attitude and without even realizing it..it's a huge turnoff for me.

I am and always have been independent, however I've always loved having someone to love and really love being a wife and stepmom. I love him and his two children..but he is destroying my respect for him.

Thing is, I may take my time in making decisions..but I make them. He doesn't. He takes care of things when they're staring him in the face and not before. Even then he shows no balls and I'm the one that has to strap on a pair and just plain get stuff done.

I've thrown out hints such as, "Who needs a man when I can do it myself??" and he has no apologies. It's always, "Well I'm not there.."

What.Ever!!

The bottom line is..he isn't there..for his kids especially. I'm willing to take a second to him just strapping on a pair and at least making an effort to maybe Skype with his kids every day.

Pfft.

I know this post is probably all over the place, but I just needed to vent. Thanks for being my friends and listening. As I mentioned..I'm not looking for advice, nor for my post to be ripped to shreds. Just looking for some friendship and maybe those out there that are in somewhat of the same place..different yet the same?