Sometimes it feels like I am the only one that fights for my SS. I know that my DH loves his child & wants this too, but when it comes down to it, any time BM has a tantrum he gives in. He says that he just knows how she is & that he will never be able to get anywhere with her, & that talking to a rock would yield better results. I've had my share of conversations with her, so I can agree that she really is about as dumb as a box of rocks & makes me want to smash my face against something hard over & over again. But! What I cannot fathom is how he is able to so easily give up the fight when it comes to spending time with his child versus her getting her way.

This school year BM said she wants to go "strictly by the papers" but has since changed her tune. The papers say that DH gets to spend 2 hours with his son every Thursday that he is in school, & BM has denied him both Thursdays since school began. & she says that she will never let DH see SS during the school week because it is not "in his best interest" because it will interfere with his bedtime. DH has offered to pick SS up earlier so that he still has plenty of time in the evenings to get ready for the next day. BM refuses & then tells him that he is being spiteful for requesting the bare minimum that the divorce decree says should be his time.

So instead of trying to come to an agreement with her, or simply going to her house at the allotted time anyway in order to document that he is at least trying to go by the papers, he gives up. He throws his phone down & walks away. He took her at face value when she told him that SS didn't want to see him. & then was surprised when SS called before bed asking why he never came to pick him up. & the entire time that this is going on, I am the one who continued to maintain a conversation with BM, to try to work something out, to hopefully show her that following the papers is in the best interest of everyone (not just her spiteful ex)...

In my head I know that I shouldn't be the one fighting for SS more than his own father does. & I know that he really does care for his child & want the best for him too. I don't know why he doesn't put out more of an effort. & I can't do it for him. I have been a part of SS's life for 4 years now (he's only 7). Of those 4 years, I have fought tooth & nail for this kid & DH. Because I want to see DH be an amazing father. Because I believe that every child deserves to have both parents present in their life. Because I know how painful it can be to grow up without a decent father, & question why he would rather raise some other woman's children than see his own daughter.

I have become emotionally invested in this child too. When I married DH, I married myself to the child too because he's a part of who DH is. I love him like he were my own child. I go out of my way to treat him like he is my family, because I want him to feel welcome in our home, welcome to spend time with his father, & still like he belongs at our house after we have our own children. I know that he loves me too, even though he'll never admit it in front of BM (& that's okay). But times like this, when I find myself fighting for him more than his own father does, really rips me to shreds. I'm putting out all this effort for a child that I don't have any claim to, & for a man that (at times) seems content to mope around about how the BM treats him like crap instead of doing something, with no consideration for myself whatsoever & with nothing to show for it but tears.

But isn't it my duty to support my husband in all aspects of his life? I don't know where I stand, & I don't know where to go. & as I told him earlier, I don't do things half way. I'm either all-in or completely out. If I don't support him & encourage him to be a better father, the only alternative for me is to back off completely. Which would mean I don't make any effort to maintain a relationship with this kid I've come to love. No trying to arrange my schedule to spend time with him, no supporting him at school functions & sporting events. No more babysitting while DH is working. I would have to shut myself off from SS for the sake of my sanity. I think that is the only way I could still function without trying my best to be fully present in his life.

I really hope it doesn't come to that, because just the thought alone of cutting myself off makes me want to cry. Also because that would mean BM has gotten her way yet again, & I don't like admitting defeat.