There was a forum topic posted yesterday about a SM's first face-to-face with BM. It reminded me of a FB message convo I started a couple of years ago with BM, in an effort to open the lines of communication between our homes...when I was still silly enough to believe I could fix everything.

I read through it now & wonder what in the Hell was I thinking??? I remember thinking, if I just listened she would feel she was being heard. That wasn't the case. My willingness to listen did nothing but enable her incessant ragging on DH, & looking at it now, I see clearly that she was putting extra effort into hitting tender nerves. Sometimes I wish I'd had it in me to lash back at her the way she did at me & DH.

On the other hand, I know it irks the shit out of her when she makes that effort & doesn't get the payout.

This was our conversation:

Stormabruin: April 29, 2010
Hi BM,
I just wanted to let you know I sent friend requests to both of the kids too.
I'll understand if you don't want to accept my friend request. I don't want you to feel obligated. I did want to extend it, though.
I hope things are going well for you guys.

Stormabruin

BM: April 29, 2010
Thanks Stormabruin, hope marriage is better for u then it was for me! I'm busy a lot with the kids and I do think it would be a great way for DH to talk to them. I think they would like that if he would make effort. They are so grown now, it's unbelievable!! Thanks for the request, but not sure why you would request me as a friend? Wishing u all the best with DH in your marriage. I hope he treats you better than he did me. Good Luck......

BM: April 29, 2010
Oh, by the way, could you pls tell DH to get the child support checks straightened out at his work, because already 400.00 a month does not hardly help buy them shoes or clothes, etc. but they are coming like 2 weeks late all the time, and it's hard enough supporting them alone as it is. Seems like he would want them to have more from him anyway, don't get me wrong, they don't want for anything, but he could do a little more. I think if you were a mom you would agree. Thanks Stormabruin

BM: April 30, 2010
Hey Stormabruin, why don't u put your wedding pics up so we can c how beautiful your wedding was? We would love to c them!!! Heard it was nice.......

Stormabruin: May 4, 2010
It doesn't take being a mom to want the best for a child. It only takes someone with a heart capable of compassion & empathy. DH does want to do more for them. He wants to be a father to his kids. He's tried & tried to be there for them & has been pushed away every time. Financial support isn't all children need from their father. $450/month or $10,000/month couldn't buy them the life lessons & memories every child should have from their father. Not to mention, the $450/month he pays isn't intended to be enough to buy them everything they need. It's intended to be his part.

The pics are up. It rained all day, but was still a good day.

BM: May 4, 2010
I'm sorry to hear that... Me & SS are looking at them now. Soo very glad DH finally found soeone who can love him!! Really and truly. And I am very happy for u both!! Like I said, they don't want for anything.

Stormabruin: May 4, 2010
Thank you! I asked DH about the child support checks. He said as far as he knows they cut that check the same day they cut his paycheck & it goes in the mail. He doesn't get his through mail. He picks it up at the office on Fridays. I'm not sure why it'd take so long. Do they have your new address? That's the only thing I can think of that might slow it down, if they have to forward from the old address. Are the postmarks dated that far behind? He'll check with the girl that cuts the checks to verify that they are being mailed right away. Sorry they are so far behind. I guess if the checks are running late it's a good thing they don't want for anything.

BM: May 4, 2010
Actually, yes they do have our new address and DH does too!! Do you have internet at your house?

Stormabruin: May 4, 2010
No, we don't. I'm on at work, & the only time DH gets on is when we go to SIL's house, which isn't often.

BM: May 4, 2010
I see, you guys have to understand and pls tell DH, that the kids are still upset with both of you right now. Due to DH had always told them he would never marry again. I think it is a wonderful thing!!! But DH always said they would come first but he lies about everything. But, SS thought his dad should have asked him to be his Best Man and SD was just mad over all the lies he had told. Plus she's mad that he abused me-her mama. I'm sorry he lied to them.I feel he should have been honest with them and told them the truth, that he loves u and has loved you. But he put this on his self. I told SD yesterday to write u back, if she didn't that would just be rude. I want nothing more then our kids to have a positive relationship with both of you, but right now they are still hurting inside due to his lies, and that,Stormabruin comes from them. but u know U remember everything u have heard there is always 2 sides to every story. I bless u both in your marriage and pray for you.

Stormabruin: May 4, 2010
I absolutely understand. I understand their feelings. I have spent a lot of time trying to understand all sides of the situation, & I know that it has been hard on everyone. I don't know what all has been said between DH & the kids. I know that they have had a hard time with us being together. I honestly have tried my best to be a positive part of their lives, and will continue to do so. I know they don't care to have me in their lives, but hope that one day they will let DH back in. I believe they are hurt. Like you said, there are 2 sides to every story. That's why I have always tried to be understanding of you & what you have dealt with. Of course I have heard people talk about things from when you & DH were together, but I am a very open-minded person & I think for myself. I know that he has been hurt, & that's the side I've heard. I do know that there is another side. I know better than to pass judgements based solely on what I'm told by someone else. I'm not going to try to fight DH's battles for him. I don't feel it's my place. I will say that he misses them terribly & also feels hurt. As angry as they are with him, I hope that they know he loves them & wants more than anything to have a relationship with them. That's as far as I can go with it. I do hope that one day they will be able to salvage things. Thank you for your thoughts & blessing. We pray for you & the kids as well.

BM: May 4, 2010
1st DH has never been a believer in GOD... No matter what he has said. We were together for a long time and seemed like an eternity for me. Yes I loved him with everything in me for so long that he walked all over me!! I will say no more about him and i what was. The past needs to stay in the past. I'm glad to hear that u think for yourself because I was really wondering if you were falling into the same way I was with him. I was feeling sorry for you, but since you explained how you feel, I have a better understanding about you now. Another thing, SD I know really likes you more then her dad!!! She trusts you more. SS is and will always be a daddy's boy. Which is fine, but they need time to heal, and with everything in life, time heals all wounds, but we never, ever forget... Stormabruin, I know that family all too well and I know you have been with DH for awhile now, but I'm telling you unless he has changed drastically, then sweetie you have a long way to go. I'm glad you are happy.

BM: May 4, 2010
By the way, I did tell the kids DH called on Easter and they listened to his message. They didn't want to talk to him. I'm not a bad person at all, I want what my kids want and that is happiness, security and to be loved, that simple. I wish things could be different, I really do for their sake, but they have all those things and more, I just wish he would have been a better father, because I loved his dad and he loved me, you would have loved him too. Anyway,nice chatting with you, maybe we can do this again sometime.

Stormabruin: May 4, 2010
Perhaps DH has changed drastically. He is the one who suggested we try to find a church to attend together. I understand them needing time, & I absolutely understand that we never forget. I know they have their own minds & think for themselves. They certainly are entitled to their feelings, whatever they may be. I look forward to it. Have a good day!

BM: May 4, 2010
That's my whole point is their feelings!! Not DH's or mine or yours. If you look at DH's nephew and neice at their ages now think of SD at 14 and SS at 17 the way they feel now about DH? It's horrible for them!!! And they certainly have their own minds, feelings and thoughts of their own and will continue to be that way. Just let DH know pls, they never talk about him anymore, but I know as their mom how they feel, I wished he would have listened to me way back when I told him not to push them. He thought I was doing whatever he thought in his head out of meanness? And that wasn't true at all, I was trying to let him know how they were feeling and he wouldn't listen. Now look what happened, he lost them in their minds and hearts, it was not me who took him to court last time that was all SS!!! He is much smarter then DH gives him credit for. SD is almost 14 now and I hope he never tries anything silly again, because she will do the same thing. Gosh, I hate this more then anyone, stuck right in the middle!! But, DH knows our kids come first, always have ,always will. Oh, last thing for you, that I want you to know I left to get off of the drugs regardless of what you heard, and the mental abuse, along with physical, I hope u never, ever have to go thru that with him!!! Gotta go, Thanks!!

Stormabruin: May 4, 2010
I wasn't meaning to make this about me or DH or you. That's why I kept it where I did as far as fighting DH's battles. I want to let you know that I respect your position as their mother & I respect DH's position as their father. I respect & love SS & SD for who they are as individuals, & hope for real happiness for them in life, & for you.

Stormabruin May 4, 2010
Right back at ya!!!

BM: May 4, 2010
Why did u block your pics again? SD wanted to see them..... U guys do a lot of things I don't understand?

Stormabruin: May 5, 2010
I thought you had all looked at them. I'll put them back up.

There was nothing personal behind me blocking the pics. I've always had them set to where friends can see them...same as a lot of people on Facebook do.

BM: May 5, 2010
ok, well yesterday we were not friends on here, so to speak, even though we were talking and we could see all of your pics then? SD had just wanted to see them, that's all. No big deal.

Stormabruin: May 5, 2010
I think I have them public now. Let me know if you can't get to them.

BM: May 5, 2010
yeah.