BM's Child Support being delayed becuase of her recent actions (giggle)
So, it didn't start with a delay of her actions. It started with DH's company getting bought out and so payroll recently switched. The tension started with BM getting made that DH said pay may take up to a month and he didn't know if she would get a check when his company cashed out his day (he gets paid a daily rate working offshore) turns out she didn't so that was money straight in our pocket :)!
Anyways so we didn't not realize that his old company did not transfer the documents stating part of his income should be sent to the AG. So, he got his first paycheck today and found out that they did not take out the CS. Well DH called the AG and they said that he is current on all payment according to them and that in this case as long as we write a check with the case number and some other information on it, and submit a copy to them rather it be from when it clears the account, or a copy of the actual check that they will make sure he is not penalized.
So, BM had text DH again about if he had any idea of when CS would be out because she is truly struggling. He did respond that he did get paid today but unfortunately she would have to wait. Her response "can't you like pay online or something I need the money" normally DH would not have a issue doing this as it affect SS's well being but seeing as she was a complete over-reacting bitch lately he told her that there was no choice but to send a check and he had already contacted the AG and his account is still in good standing so there is nothing she can do. Here is the fun part - I am the only one who has access to the checkbook and they said it needed to be hand written not a cashier's check as we have to put additional information on the check. So, I could write the check and mail (which I would do from work as it would take her longer to receive as I work in a complete other town causing it to go through the regional mail sorting facility rather than in town) and she could get it early next week...which I'm sure she would be okay with but with the whole not being able to contact order which I have the voicemail from the police Sgt on my phone which says no communication DH text her "I could have SB write it however since you put a no communication order against her I am skeptical to do that as I do not want charges on my wife for you being unreasonable. So, you may have to wait until I get home to mail it". He just got a reply from her stating "Child support isn't harassment". In which he replied with what the Sgt said and that since he is a sailor technically he is covered until he gets home to send the check.
She then stated that he can call the bank - in which he replied they do not accept cashiers checks. She is livid right now and I am waiting for DH to send me the pictures of more text 
It makes me so happy that the fact she was a bitch is biting her. I know that SS has free lunch at school, and his Ex-MIL would not let him go hungry. I also know that she is sending him to a friend's house this weekend so he will be fed.
He also just text me they
He also just text me they have her name back legally as her maiden name. I know she flip-flops between her maiden and DH's as each son has a different name. However it makes me happy to know this has been changed and makes me actually consider going to DH's name one day as I kept my maiden name professional life at the time, and just because I didn't want to be associated with the confusion of her - DH completely understood only asked that if we have a biocild I give it his name which I would most definitely do.
That's so sad. It's nice to
That's so sad. It's nice to know that though she's a bad parent, there are good adults in her life looking out for him. Does his school have breakfast for the kids? I know some schools do. Maybe that could be looked into and DH could enroll him in that. How old is SS? Depending on his age, he could be eligible for Head Start. He should call SS' school to see if they know of any programs that could help SS, i.e. afterschool programs (many offer snacks), school breakfast, etc.
It sounds like she's really struggling right now. I feel for her kids. Could DH take custody of SS and her other kid's dad take custody of that kid until she is back on her own two feet financially? I know this would be a huge adjustment for everybody but at least the dads wouldn't have to worry about their kids being properly fed and in a good environment.
It is sad it truly is.
It is sad it truly is. However I know that by law he does have until he gets home, and she can't walk on me and then expect for me to bend over backwards to make sure she gets money which we know a decent amount doesn't go towards SS. As she smokes, recently got the newest iPhone, she goes out to the bars (SS has not had a weekend at her house [Friday or Saturday night] since before DH left time before last (We had him all 3 weekends last time DH was home, and before that he spent at lest the last weekend with my MIL, and the weekend before that with a friend).
He barely eats breakfast...but yes breakfast and lunch are provided free through the school. He also has classroom snack time about 30 minutes before school lets out so I am not so worried about after school. And again EX-MIL pretty much lives with BM so I have no fear that he will be taken care. SS is 5 and in Kindergarten.
DH and I would love to take custody of SS. However with his job 3 weeks on 3 weeks off she would not allow that to happen. And this time she will have him the middle weekend which is out weekend off and we had him last time, however I have already made a little anniversary gift plan for that weekend. Her eldest son has no contact with his dad and hasn't since DH and BM had first got married.
I think DH is confident Ex-MIL will watch out for SS until he gets home next week.
And the saddest part is that I don't think BM will ever get on her feet I have put in other post CS is her main source of income around 800 from us monthly, $250 was what DH remembers she getting for the eldest a month, food stamps, HUD housing, and she barely works last we heard she made around $150 a week helping clean houses. She has no GED which DH pushed her to get during the years they were together, and honestly no will to work. She would rather sit at home and have a reason to play victim as we have had mutual friends offer her a full time job and her response "Then I couldn't be at home with my kids" HELLO THEY ARE IN ELEMENTARY IN MIDDLE SCHOOL - it is okay to work while they are gone and make a better environment for them. When DH and her were together she was a SAHM as her eldest was little and then SS was born and DH made enough that even though times could get tight they could afford for her to stay at home.
Dh should seriously call the
Dh should seriously call the school and ask them to give ss breakfast/enroll him in that. Maybe he can enroll ss in Head Start too, seeing as he's 5. Please ask him to do/look into these things.
Also, dh may want to consider asking CPS to investigate things with bm if necessary.
We already know he is in the
We already know he is in the breakfast program for sure because one day we didn't have anything at the house and so DH left early so they could go get breakfast and SS said he wanted to eat it at school and DH actually sat there with him talking to him while he ate the free breakfast.
I will ask about Head Start however I don't see BM letting him go anywhere but with either her or her mom after school as she just has this thing about 'wanting her kids with her' and when DH is home it is pretty much their time after school as they go ride and stuff before I get home. I will definitely ask as I have put in many other post my concern is SS. I know that us doing with CS makes it sound like he isn't but I know what he is provided with at school and know whether BM got the CS or not we aren't for sure it would be used on him.
We have considered asking CPS - however we have a friend who works for CPS and honestly it doesn't sound like we have much of a case as just because BM is shitty she still has a house with working utilities and as of lately the house hasn't been a sty. I have personally considered doing a anonymous tip however just to be safe. I haven't completely convinced myself of it yet though.
BM can a loving parent to SS but for sure is not someone who needs to be raising him. This has become more apparent since DH and I have been together and we have developed a plan that with his new company he must be offshore at least another year but we are trying to get finances together to be able to bring him home, so we can try to get SS more but with how much he makes now at first it would not be easy if we do not strategically save which is our plan for this next year as he also got a slight raise. Trust me we want SS out of that environment.
Like I said we know he gets
Like I said we know he gets breakfast. I have asked DH about the other he said he would look into it.
We really are trying to do what we can to get SS in a better home.
I know you are and applaud
I know you are and applaud you for that. It makes me feel good to know this little boy has so many great adults trying to help him.
I think dh needs to look at the CO when he can. Maybe he can enroll ss in head start but doesn't know it.
Thank you. I came into all of
Thank you. I came into all of this uncertain of my role and meaning and seeing many women disengage though I have wanted at times to I know I never can - not because of DH but because I feel like my heart is so invested in this little boy. He really is an amazing kid and probably one of the sweetest kids I know (Read my past few post) and has his moments but is actually pretty well behaved and even respectful. He caught himself today not saying "Yes Ma'am" at lunch even though I let it slide because it was me and him time. But I know that what I am doing is appreciated by people like you and DH and one day SS will see. I think it really helps reading post like yours and hearing DH say nothing but thankful things and him seeing what I do rather than expecting it.
The saddest apart about you saying that he has many great adults is today at lunch (Which is another thread) I told him he has 3 adults who love him very much the scary part was his response "You, daddy and my grandma?" I said "Okay make it four you have your momma too and we would all do anything for you" - I think this truly shows how even without her knowing it even he sees that BM isn't fully all about him.
I actually have a copy of the CO and have looked before the CO says nothing about extra activities/programs. So, I mean he can try but there is no guarantee she would allow it or would let him participate. We had previously mentioned him going to the YMCA when we actually new she was cleaning and houses and she refused and would get her mom to go pick him up instead of him staying - though for the most part I will give Ex-MIL credit she is invested in the child as well. But DH said he was considering trying to do it.
Too bad she was such a troll
Too bad she was such a troll or this might not be so bad, huh?
If she hadn't been a troll
If she hadn't been a troll most likely DH would have done it online through the AG website. He is not a bad guy when it comes to making sure stuff like this gets done. However we know the laws because of his job, and the fact that the AG's office even told him his options and knows even before it was direct garnishment he was always on time we feel that most likely waiting until he gets home is necessary.
So, DH asked me to please
So, DH asked me to please right the check last night just so he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. He also told me that BM tried to bring it up on the phone rather through text again saying that I am the reason that she doesn't want contact and that CS is not harassment. He hung up on her and didn't answer until he heard SS talking and then hung up promptly after ignoring her. It is so amazing to me how entitled she feels she is.
I did agree to write the check only because I realized I was writing it to the AG's office and not her meaning it was not as hard to do, and he just told me to mail it before he gets home which means I can wait until Monday to ensure it going through as many post offices as possible (Again they said he wouldn't be late as long as it was paid as many time as he was paid in Oct by Oct 31 - and the withholding form got submitted yesterday so this is the only one we have to worry about). I like knowing it's making her sweat and that even though she may get a day or two earlier than if he sent it when he got home it will still take long enough for her to never know I wrote the check to help him out. I think at this point he just wants to be done, get home so we can have SS and enjoy our time together.
The best part is we have SS for Thanksgiving which in the CO States "Thanksgiving in Odd-Numbered years - In odd-numbered years, DH shall have the right to possession of the child beginning at 6pm on the day the child is released from school for Thanksgiving holiday and ending at 6pm on the Sunday following Thanksgiving" He is actually in our possession when school lets out per the order, and would be set to return to BM's the Wed of Thanksgiving week - last year they did a custody alteration to let us have SS at noon on the Friday following Thanksgiving which ended up being like 2pm because BM can't stick to a schedule and so SS had to miss the Thanksgiving with FIL and barely made it to the one with MIL...this year not our problem she better be nice if she doesn't want to follow the CO. I know she would try to use Christmas against us as for the CO and Christmas it says that the non-custodial parent for that year/holiday does not get SS until Dec 28 which doesn't matter as DH is going to be at work until January second so at this point the ball is still in our court to let BM have the time she wants as we will not lose anything and we can't say it will bite us next year as every-year something changes and you can't bet on anything long term with her.
Maybe I'm wrong, but this
Maybe I'm wrong, but this still comes across as game playing. CS didn't come out of his check. It is late by the order standard, even though it hasn't reached the end of the month when arrears is considered late. Why is DH making this drag out? If the BM did the same it would be called BS as it is.
This is about getting back at BM not doing what your DH should do.
I've been on both sides of this issue and I still call game playing.
n a way yes it is still
n a way yes it is still playing a game, but we are actually turning out to be pretty nice about it.
And it is not late by the order standard as he didn't even know if he was getting paid this week or next and he was told payday would actually be Friday's only reason he received his check yesterday was because of direct deposit and the bank relation with the company normally he still didn't get paid until the day of - so the fact it is in the mail today the legit pay day it is not late in any form or fashion. He did not know that it wasn't going to come out of his check, and did a favor by asking HR as soon as he got paid instead of waiting for BM to bitch or me to look at the paystub as he and his bargemates were told that all withholdings would be transferred with their paperwork to the new company.
However as he is a sailor and his checkbook is at home and it is coming out of his sole account not the joint account it is nice of me to even write it as I try to not have anything to do with money. So, him asking me to do it and me doing is actually us being nice because of his protection he does not have to do it until next Thursday when he gets home. I did have a change of heart after my post and it actually was handed to the mailman at my work this morning as I started thinking that if I did wait until Monday she would definitely receive it when SS was not in custody causing little if none of it to go towards him - as we know it is her primary income.
So, as I said it is a little bit of a game as he didn't do it online but also we prefer to write checks as I do for all of our bills for security reasons - yes mail can still get stolen but it makes us feel safe.
As for the Thanksgiving thing - we got him a day early last year and DH will not be home for Christmas meaning she gets him the whole Christmas break without having to relinquish custody at any time so to me we are simply following the Court Order and what is says.
With your explanation I would
With your explanation I would handle it the same way!!!
I am helping my exSD right now get the money BF owes her. And he is in arrears by over $7700 with me. Add together and he is in arrears over $10,000. His job doesn't deduct the full amount and even with calls from CS he refuses to make up the difference. My order has a due date. His CS is due by the 1st. So I'm glad your DH doesn't have a date, just the month.
I'm glad you agree. Like I
I'm glad you agree. Like I said I don't deny it could be looked at as games but in reality we are actually being more than nice about it, and I just hope it hits her account either right when she gets SS back for her week or when he is with her to ensure it goes towards him it is sad for me to even have to type that.
And nope his is by the month/how many time he gets paid a month and his isn't a set amount each month it is simple an amount of each check so some months she gets like $740 ish (this month) and in November as he will get paid 3 times it will be like $1100 however throughout the year it averages out to her getting $800 a month - which is what would be ordered by the courts if he got paid once a month...They provided a chart when the divorce as final we have filed somewhere breaking down how much it should be depending on how often he gets paid - BM disputed and tried to file he didn't pay the full amount as she was expecting the $800 in full and the AG's office told her she was sadly mistaken.
And as for how much comes out we (I) had to go to the court house yesterday with the information of his new company and submit a form and pay $15 and then they file with the company the amount to deduct to ensure it not getting into arrears and as long as he doesn't change jobs again even if BM applied for a CS increase which she wouldn't get as his pay didn't' change they would automatically send a new form to his company without us having to go up there again (watched it happen with one of his buddies)