Skid keeps "cancelling" his visits with BF
My BF has a son who is stb12. BF's schedule for skid visits are EOWE & 2 hours every Wedn. Skid lives with BM about 15 minutes driving distance away from where BF lives. Lately, skid/bm have been coming up with IMHO excuse after excuse as to why skid can't/doesn't want to come over.
Here are just a few...he has diarrhea, he has fluid in his ears and inflammed nasal passages, he fell at school and his this or that hurts, he wants to play with a new friend, he wants to go to the beach and his little brothers bday party, etc. those are some of the excuses/reasons BF gets via text from BM. And as of recently, skid has been calling and leaving a vmail stating why he can't/doesn't want to come over. (We never answer BM calls - we let them all go to vmail and only reply to calls/texts that NEED to be addressed).
Needless to say, BF is done with their bullshit and games! And I for one can't say that I blame him. His attitude is pretty much if skid wants to come on his visits fine, if not then oh well! He is not about to beg or kiss anyones ass to come and visit or spend time with him.
I know alot of you will say that he should just force him to go or something along those lines...sounds like a good idea HOWEVER BM is a nutjob who is VERY trigger happy when it comes to calling the cops and getting RO's on BF for no reason or making up shit to get BF in trouble and get the cops involved. BF has been thru all of that bullshit in the past courtesy of BM telling lies and starting shit and shockingly (note the sarcasm) she gets away with it! The bitch will and does cry wolf and BAM there is BF in front of a Judge or in court for more bs! I for one don't and wouldn't want my partner constantly putting himself in the line of fire knowing what BM can and will do! Yes it is his child BUT apparently said child doesn't give a fuck to see his father. I have no doubt that BM is PAS'ing him because skid is a mini BM but I personally don't think BF should even bother going to war over this bullshit and game they both play. BF never tells skid he can't come on his visits or anything like that. It is them 90% of the time that have a "reason" for not coming on the scheduled visits.
I have been logging everything down in a notebook. I keep track of the day and time I receive texts/vmail from skid or bm and what the excuse was for the cancellation. Just in case she tries to pull some shit in court, which is what she is good for!
In your experience or in your opinion what would you do? BF is at the point where he just doesn't care anymore. He would never tell his kid to fuck off and that he doesn't want to see him but he is also not going to make/force/demand that he comes over and then deal with the reprocussions from nutcase...ugh!!!
SKIDS AND POS BM SUCK...just saying 
We are at this point with
We are at this point with SD15. She has progressively been finding reasons not to come visit, or to cancel when she is supposed to come, etc. DH will never tell her she can't come over when she wants to, but he doesn't let it affect any plans we have already made. He does let her know what we are doing, and then can choose what she wants to do.
I would say just keep doing what you're doing. Document everything, and don't worry about it. He would be no fun to be around if he was forced to be there. It's a shame though how the NCPs are usually the ones who get the crappy end of the stick in these situations.
We probably will just keep on
We probably will just keep on doing what we are doing. I am sure BM would just love that control and BF kissing her ass or begging her to see skid and fight with her etc. and as long as I am in the picture NONE OF THE ABOVE will be happening!
I will also continue to document everything so if that day ever comes I will have proof that it was THEM that were the ones who blew BF off and not the other way around. BF already pays the max amount of CS they can suck out of a NCP so its not like BM could get any more $ for BF not having visits with him. FUCK THEM!
Haha...good way to look at
Haha...good way to look at it! I like to believe that one day these kids will be able to see their BM's (in our cases) for who they truly are.
My stepdad was PASd bad from
My stepdad was PASd bad from his daughter. She was 6 when ut started. I met her once or twice when we were kids. He didn't fight for her. He has not seen her or spoken to him in 16 ish years. When she dod talk to him it was strictly a business transaction for money. His heart hurts but he doesn't talk about it anymore. He thought it was better for her not to put her in the middle. Sad.
My siblings and I are all successful happily married adults ( I am the only one cursed with skids) my step sister? is a mess from what I found out recently by accident. Criminal issues, credit issues, still lives with mommy at the age of 40+. Kids that she has no rights too anymore.
DH went through a phase like
DH went through a phase like this with the skids, making excuses as why they didn't want to come over. BM is an uber PASer. DH finally laid down the law, there is a CO in place, skids come over or they don't but BM would be the one to answer a judge as to why she allowed her children to dictate visitation. BM is afraid to be brought to court, a couple of CPS visits and she knows she isn't looking like the stable parent she likes the world to think she is. Now BM has the skids waiting on the sidewalk for DH to pick them up.....she needs a break from the monsters she has created.
Skids still try to manipulate the situation but DH doesn't allow it. He realizes there will be a time when spending time with their Dad will be lowest priority and friends will be highest and he is accepting of that. He will not accept BM alienating the skids from their Dad.
This is exactly what my DH
This is exactly what my DH dealt with. And it was always SD who had this that or the other thing. When he started saying (to BM), "No," then she started having SD call directly to ask. Funny how much "fun things" can just suddenly come up on the COed weekends.
I documented. Once we had two PAGES of violations (one line for each), we took BM to court for Contempt. She got a Contempt of Court fine of a whopping $500 (/sarcasm) and a verbal lashing from the judge. Not even having to give any extra time to my DH. BM also did not pay the file. My DH ended up having to take it off the over inflated medical bills she sent.
SD13 started this nonsense
SD13 started this nonsense when she was 11. BM doesn't enforce vistation, and would encourage SD to stay home with her.
1. SD13's bff's mom is also BM's bff. So imagine- skid coming for weekend and BM makes plans with her friends.... well this would also involve SD13's friends. We would pick up SD13 and within 2 hrs is getting texts about how much fun BM and Friends are having... "wish you were here."
week 2. this turned into SD asking if she could stay home bc she had some kind of party etc..
week 3. then turned into DH calling to say- ok- on my way, be there in 20minutes to get you. And SD13 saying-"oh yeah, ummmmm I wanna play at bff's house."
DH said "too bad, coming to get you." BM and sd not home when he went to pick up.
He got mad, and SD manipulated into not visiting for 6 weeks.
He gave in and said, "fine, you come when you want, but you give us a week's notice." She has seen him 2x since Easter.
On one hand I say- not her decision- she's too young to decide, its not up to her. Then on the other, I have no patience for a petulant preteen.
What do you do?