How would you approach this with BM?
My BF only communicates with BM via text, which works out great for us because unless it has to do with skid she gets IGNORED completely.
For the longest time now it seems just about every time it is BF's time to have skid11 (BF gets him EOWE & every Wedn. 5:30-7:30) there is a reason or excuse why skid11 isn't/doesn't come over. Ex: he has diarrhea, wants to hang with friends, sick, he fell asleep, etc. now I have been documenting everything for the past few months now since this has been a recurring thing. Unless he/we need to cancel for whatever reason, my BF hasn't seen/had his kid in awhile. (I am NOT complaining of course, I have a point to this I promise) 
Now according to my records, skid has had so much "diarrhea" that he should be a walking skeleton or dead by now!!! When BM sends us these texts with her excuses/reasons as to why skid isn't coming for his visit we just reply "Yup" or "K" because we are fed up with her/skids ridiculous games and bullshit. So my BF just shrugs it off. He tried, they blow him off. Oh well! My BF isn't going to beg to see his kid (which BM of course would love just to have BF at her mercy), he is old enough to decide if he wants to visit his father or not. And my BF is not going to force his kid to visit either, I personally would never force or make my kid see his father if he didn't want to. But that is just our take on this situation.
My question is how should he approach BM regarding these constant excuses/reasons why skid is not coming on his visits? Should we call bullshit and confront her on it or let it be and just continue to document every text she sends us that shows her/skid bailing on my BF?
I just don't want BM trying to screw over BF and go after more CS which she already gets PLENTY of just because skid isn't coming on his visits because BM/skid make excuses...
"I just don't want BM trying
"I just don't want BM trying to screw over BF and go after more CS which she already gets PLENTY of just because skid isn't coming on his visits because BM/skid make excuses..."
This could very well be BM's plan and DH needs to be very careful he does not allow BM to get away with this.
If you think BM would try to get more CS then you need to start enforcing visitation. If he says he's sick, document it. All the other excuses are not excuses. DH needs to go and show up at BM's house for every single scheduled visitation. If he "fell asleep" then wake him up.
Go read Redwing's blogs. Her DH did not enforce visitation and now the BM is taking him back to court for more CS.
I've heard BMs complain
I've heard BMs complain because the FATHER should have to put in his share of taking care of a sick child, TOO!
Our BM was the same. Any time that she found a way that my DH would "OK" canceling visitation, she would use that excuse again and again.
I would probably have DH
I would probably have DH mention to BM that he is documenting every time they refuse to comply with the CO, and that not only does the kid need to see a Dr for the chronic case of the shits so bad that he can't go to his dads house, that he has not once CANCELED a visitation. And make it clear that it is ALL DOCUMENTED.
I have been documenting for
I have been documenting for the past few months now because just about every time BF is supposed to have skid there is a reason/excuse why he doesn't/isn't coming on his visit.
I record every text she sends and list her "reasons" for him not coming. They are mostly because he is "sick" but still, I don't want my BF getting the screws put to him by having her go after more CS because BM is the one who is making the excuses why he can't/doesn't come.
If it is the BM that is making the excuses why skid isn't/doesn't come on his visits wouldn't that make HER look bad to the judge? Or would they seriously make BF pay more even if we document everything?
Speaking from experience,
Speaking from experience, have DH enforce visitation. It doesn't matter if the kid is sick or not, DH has visitation from x-x and he should get him during that time. You bet your sweet ass she'll take him back to court and try and get more CS. That's precisely what BM is doing in our case because SD14 doesn't want to come over. We pushed her, threatened contempt of court and she complied, but all of us were miserable because SD14 was such a fucking bitch being forced to be at our place, we conceded and let her just go the fuck home to BM.
Now we're facing court for higher CS.
Does she really have a leg to
Does she really have a leg to stand on if the kid is old enough to say he doesn't want to come on his visits and the BM is always making excuses why he isn't/doesn't come on his visits?
Courts will take into
Courts will take into consideration a kid's preference at a certain age, but they base visitation/custody on what's best for the child (according to every family law attorney I've spoken with).
Sure they can. How old is
Sure they can.
How old is SS?
Let's say he's old enough to say that he wants to stay with BM and not have visitation with Dad.
You'd better bet your sweet bippy BM will go after more CS, and all things being equal, WILL.GET.IT.
Your BF has two options, and two options only:
1. Make the kid come and hope for the best.
2. Let the kid decide (I cringe writing that) and *hope* BM doesn't file for more CS.
BTW, unless you're filing contempt against BM, all that "documenting" will only hurt you... it will bolster BM's case that she has residential custody MORE than what is currently ordered.
Even if the documenting shows
Even if the documenting shows that SHE is the one that cancels/makes excuses for skid not coming on his visitations?
Damn our "Justice" system is fucked the fuck up!!! UGH!!!
Ugh. It would be WORTH it to
Ugh. It would be WORTH it to me to pay more CS to not have to deal with skids.
Fortunately, in my state, CS is not based on number of visits. DHs CO says EOW from Saturday afternoon through Sunday evening. They don't come for that... it doesn't matter. He already pays the max support.
Believe me, I LOVE not having
Believe me, I LOVE not having skid/bm around because then it is just the three of us...drama & bullshit free! But he pays 230.00 a week for one kid. That is seriously ridiculous! If you saw how he has to live & struggle because of it you would understand why I am just trying to protect him from BM who is already money hungry as it is, she has a materialistic, vain lifestyle and appearance to uphold and my BF's CS is the main supporter of that, unfortuantely.
That totally sucks for your DH, I hate seeing & hearing about men getting f***** in regards to CS because of these f'n c***** BM!!!
My DH took BM to court for
My DH took BM to court for Contempt over so many missed visitations. We had two PAGES (one incident per page) of missed visitations.
They gave her a slap on the wrist. $500 Contempt of Court fine for Willful Interference with Visitation with 30 days to pay. She didn't. DH only got the money because he subtracted it from the inflated medical bills she would send all the time. He didn't even get the judge to order the parenting time be made up!! What a waste.
The only GOOD thing about it was it stopped BM in her tracks. BEFORE that, she was taking him back to court all.the.time. After she got her ass handed to her like that, she quit taking him to court and just asked for her every three year CS reviews.
If the BM is the one
If the BM is the one constantly making excuses as to why he isn't/doesn't go or want to go on his visits would that give her a leg to stand on to get MORE CS if it is NOT my BF saying he can't/won't take him but her making excuses?
If BF doesn't take her to court for contempt does that mean that he could pay more in CS because he isn't "fighting" this issue?
I think the email only communication is a good idea, however we wouldn't be able to see the emails until we got home and went on the computer and that could mean we miss out on something that needs to be addressed asap, know what I mean?
My BF's XW is an extreme
My BF's XW is an extreme drama queen and shit starter. While they were married and she was cheating on him she would get a RO on him just about every weekend so she could go off and party for the weekend and then when Monday rolled around for court she would whine and cry and renig on her complaint. She pulled this a few times to him.
Plus she also has called the cops on him if he ever texted or called her more than 3x, she had the cops call him and tell him to stop harassing her. Not to mention the countless times she gets the cops involved if he shows up on her property. And not to mention how she likes to keep going & going and running her mouth via text...she is ridiculous. He has been thru hell and I feel sorry for him because he is a good dad and everything was good between him and his son until XW decided to be the town bicycle and he wasn't putting up with it and they got a divorce and now BM and skid blow him off etc.
In essense it may seem like he doesn't give a fuck about his kid but what he REALLY doesn't want to deal with is putting up with BM's bullshit and drama. He has gone thru so much bs with her during and after their divorce. And most of us know that in most cases they believe the woman over the man so when she cries wolf they believe HER and he gets the screws put to him in every which way. I honestly don't and wouldn't blame him for not wanting to "poke the bear" so to speak and get her going to the point where she pulls something on him.
Not trying to make excuses for him, it is what it is. Those are the facts.
WOW, i'd think he'd have to
WOW, i'd think he'd have to pay LESS in support, he doesn't get to see the kid, why should he have to pay MORE?
Then again, reading all of these responses and having gone to try to file for child support against my ex-inmate husband, my original opinion may be changing.....I remember once when my inmate ex took me to court to file for 'visitation' with his kids....having his sisters, 4x a year, pick my kids up and drive them to a PRISON 4 hours away, I mentioned to my attorney "well he doesn't pay any child support so how could he ever get visitation".....turns out not paying CS has ZERO, at least in the state of PA, to do with whether or not one gets visitation.
i can't file against him because of his "inability to pay"....it's the law. meanwhile, he gets prison $ every month, HALF of which the prison saves in an account for him so when he gets out, he has a fat wad of CASH? REALLY??? AND when he gets out i said "great, surely i'll get to file for all that back support, his ass will be in arrears forever"....NOPE, can't file for back support either against someone who has the 'inability to pay'......our legal system is a fuckin joke.
Call a lawyer ASAP, pull 401k money out to pay for one if you have to, ANYTHING to avoid more CS for that baby momma who has 4 kids with 4 dads
They make child support and
They make child support and visitation separate issues because (wait for it): the CHILD will suffer if they don't have BOTH parents supporting them financially.
I guess the child doesn't suffer at ALL if they are not allowed to have a normal relationship with a parent due to the other parent's vindictiveness.
Preach it sister!!! Our legal
Preach it sister!!!
Our legal system is so fucked up and ass backwards I don't even know how they function!!! It blows my fucking mind how hypocritical they are and the constant double standards!
SO lets bleed the "father" whilst the BM is put on a fucking pedestal like shes some delicate flower and God forbid she has to support the fucking kid too!!!! That sure is justice!!!
Here's what I did: Whenever
Here's what I did: Whenever my ex said a kid was sick I said I want to see him. I did it from the very first time she used it as an excuse and the kid was indeed sick. But I never let her off - every time I saw the sick kid and comforted him and let him know we'd do something special to make up for the missed visit.
My ex knew that that excuse would not work. If your BF's case he's going to have problems calling her bluff because she's used to it working. He'll have to do what I did the first time. My ex said he was too sick to come to the front door. I said either he comes to me at the door, I go to him or go and pack his bag because he's coming with me to my home, sick or not. She relented and I saw the sick kid. Of course I can't predict what his ex will do but if she stands firm (he should be at the front door) he will have to remind her that failing to produce the kids, sick or not, is a criminal violation of a court order and as such she could be jailed at the courts whim. "If you do not allow me to see the kid I will petition the court for a finding of criminal violation". Which would you prefer, let me see the kid or you see the judge"?