AVOIDING ARGUMENTS WITH YOUR SO OVER SKIDS
I openly admit that I do not like my skids, esp DH's S14, my DH has known this from the get go as of when my feelings changed and he respects my feelings and doesn't push anything "skid related" on me in the way of being responsible for him, carting him around etc.
The skid has always been a bone of contention between my DH and I for various reasons and my DH has basically had it with the fights, my opinions, etc. I admit I am a very vocal person, if something bothers me I just speak my mind and 99% of the time it comes out rude, sarcastic and angry. I just cannot stand this kid. I don't want anything to do with him or his visits and again DH knows and respects that bc he knows that his visits are for THEM to spend time together.
Since his kid has popped back in his life after almost 3 years of basically not giving a crap about seeing his father, coming on visits etc this all came to pass after some family drama involving BMs OD who basically reached out via FB to use my DH to be on her side for something court related against BM, she essentially used skid as a pawn to get an in with my DH and made allegations of skid being abused, so once DH confronted BM via text about the allegations and wanted to hear from skid that he was OK out of the clear blue sky skid all of a sudden wants back in with my DH. Of course I was pissed bc had this bs not happened I guarantee my DH would do his usual weekly reach out to BM about seeing skid and he would yet again blow DH off. But I KNOW that BM said/did something to put a fire under that kids ass to get him to re-initiate his visits with DH.
The issue I am having is that now that skid is back in the picture DH has been very secretive/shady with skid, his phone is always attached to his hip. They are on the phone/texting daily 99% of the time while he is not home, and these texts which he constantly deletes, no lie, look like what a woman would write to their man, it seriously creeps me out, I was in shock when DH showed me some of them bc this kid is 14! He hides things from me regarding skid and all things skid related. He has been more distant/defensive with me, I am basically non-existent when it is a skid visit. I have had many talks with DH regarding all of the above...he has changed on some things but I wish he would understand MOST of all is that if he was more transparent with me regarding the skid situation that I would be more trusting and less argumentative etc. I would be willing to tone myself down if my DH weren't acting like he has a friggin mistress bc of his new relationship with his kid!!!
I just need some insight and advice on how others have handled similar situations...I want my marriage to work!
I don't need that shit in my
I don't need that shit in my head I already have enough going on in there lol
Don't ya just love how no
Don't ya just love how no matter what the case these skids always seem to "intrude" on everything... :sick:
I don't blame you in the slightest for going ballistic...if my DH everrrr pushed our plans to the side to accomodate his kid or in some way incorporated his kid in OUR plans...the shit would hitteth the fan!!!
My skids are visiting for the
My skids are visiting for the week for spring break and we are fighting already. They are so disrespectful to him and he doesn't do anything about it. But when my kids do anything wrong he lectures them and me about it. I am listening to them fight right now and he is ignoring it. I am so sick of the double standard for his kids and my kids. I don't know how to do 10!'ore years of this.
I don't know how anyone can
I don't know how anyone can stand a full week with skids! I feel sooo bad for those who are stuck with skids FT...I just could not and would not live that life, no man is worth my peace, privacy and sanity!
I can't stand that crap either...I swear it is an epidemic, these men think their brats are fucking Royal or something! I cannot stand the nauseating way my dh and his S14 communicate, it is like ass-kissing palooza between the two of them via text and when he is with him and not to mention how my dh acts all bc skid is back in the picture, I call skid his "mistress" he/they disgust(s) me to the core! :sick:
His kid has only been back in the picture thus far for 4 EOWE visits so far and all we do is fight about that fucking kid...bc of course I don't like him nor do I trust his shady, manipulative ass...but my dh is now wearing rose colored glasses and I just wanna smack the shit out of him for allowing that kid back in the picture and for turning our whole lives/marriage upside down. Ughhh
My ONLY saving grace is that my DH works FT so there are no weekday vistits and he only takes him EOWE from Sat a.m. to Sun p.m. so I get a break Friday night and Sunday evening before I go back to work on Monday. I told DH that is ALL I can handle (I can't handle skid visits at all but if he must have visits that is my limit). I pray to God he gets a job in the very near future and friends that will take up all of his time so he will stay the hell out of my house!!! And out of our lives!!!
I was wondering what happened
I was wondering what happened to you Tasha! Now I know - 3 years of bliss and now this.
Since the skid is newly back in DH's life, perhaps you have to suck it up in the short term so to speak. They are back in the honeymoon stage and I'm sure it won't be long before they're back to where they were before.
Hang tough!
LOL...its funny you say that
LOL...its funny you say that bc I was wondering to myself if anyone would remember me after all this time.
I hope and pray that is the case...I cannot stand it...it is seriously nauseating! :sick:
Thank you for the kind, encouraging words *hugs*
How are things with you going?
I have gradually figured out
I have gradually figured out it's not always the SDs we have words over, it's DPs in-action or actions that he takes with them.
We rarely argue about it. Some heated discussions, but mostly I say my piece and then it's ignored.
Up until a couple weeks ago, when we DID get into a big argument (I told him to make sure that the things SD had brought out were properly put away, he got really mad. Apparently he had told SD what do to, to put them away in a different place than I wanted them, and didn't tell me about it.).
That argument led to a lot of discussion about my role, his role, SDs attitudes and our expectations. So far, it's been really good for a month so far. We've had little disagreement and he's been very good at not "expecting" me to do things. I have been very matter-of-fact about reminding him of things he needs to do, as he asked me to do.
We had a little discussion last night about the after-school program SD10 "refuses" to attend. So BM and DP have to, at sometimes great pains, figure out what to do with her after school gets out and when she can be picked up. It's all over the place.
DP mentioned that issue yesterday, because he has less options for after-school child care so his pick up days frequently cut short his work days (at least he works remotely).
I kind of shrugged, because I don't bring up the affordable and convenient school program any more. Not my issue.
DP says then "I don't know what the tipping point was for (SD10) about that program."
Me, "What do you mean, like something happened there that caused her not to like it?"
DP, "Yeah, I wonder what it was."
Me, "Are you kidding? She just doesn't want to go. Why should she if mom and dad provide instant pickup service, no matter what their job day looks like, so she can then do what she wants."
DP, "No, there's got to be more to it."
Me, "She hates the program because she doesn't like the people, the food, the activities, the wait time. So why should she go if mom/dad provide her an out. She can't just deal with the reality."
DP, "Sigh..."
Me, "Dinner is ready!"
I just remain calm, use logic, and get out of the conversation when I can while it's still in a good place.
LOL. I was going to say
LOL. I was going to say something to that effect, "Yeah, DP, as the parent you can't see the true issue..." but I went with "Dinner's ready!" instead.