I don't care and I don't want to ever hear another word about BM, or SS
So, DH dropped off son and we headed to dinner. He tells me that BM told him that SS has been saying he wants his daddy at bedtime. BM tells DH, "You need to start putting him to bed at the right time, because I know that's why he wants to be at your house at bedtime...you let him do what he wants".
She has no clue what he does, as she isn't there...but anyway. When SS cries he doesn't want to go with DH, it's because she is such a "great" mommy and "he hates being without her", NOT because she lets him do what he wants, of course!
So, I say, "Well, what did you say to her when she said that." He gets mad at me and says, "Just forget it, because you think I don't say anything." I say, "Hm, you know what, let's not ever talk about BM, or SS again, because honestly, I don't want to know, and I don't even care!" He keeps going, and I say, "Uh, seriously, PLEASE STOP! I don't want to know and I don't care!!!!!!!" I actually meant it. Then, I started thinking, dayum that was pretty shittay of me, but I felt it, and I don't see any point in hearing any of it when all he does it get upset with me for what he thinks I think, or will say! I'm sick of hearing it EVERY GD weekend after he's dropped off...it just pisses me off, and for what???
Am I being a horrible wife, and a total beatch...should I listen and let him vent???? Or, should I roll my eyes along with my response next time????
lololol....thank you. Next
lololol....thank you. Next time he starts going on about her, I'll ask him, "Hey do you want to discuss the things my kid's dad and I used to argue over? No, well good, because I don't want to hear SHEAT ABOUT YOUR EX EITHER!"
ha! Good response! That will
ha! Good response! That will put the shoe on the other foot
I would have told him to stop
I would have told him to stop talking about her as well. That is not something I'm interested in, especially if I'm not allowed to ask a simple and reasonable question without him getting mad.
Yeah, I'm not at all sure why
Yeah, I'm not at all sure why he even gets mad, but I assume it's because I might be opinionated sometimes and tell him that he should speak up, and it isn't what he wants to hear.
I'm just sick of hearing about things that are negative and I can't do a dayum thing about.
No, you are not being a
No, you are not being a bitch. However, you may try responding with a question rather than a statement. "What are YOU going to do differently so that WE do not have to regularly have this topic interfere in our time together?"
Rather than telling him you don't want to hear it and you don't care which will just give him no successful option to execute.
No parent wants to hear that their spouse/SO does not care about their kid. I have no BKs and even I would not ever tell my bride that I don't care and don't want to here about her kid. That is why I raised him as my own and had her back during every skirmish with the SpermClan.
Better to build a team and support your DH than insist that he keep his life as a parent separate from him life with you.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
You're right. And, honestly,
You're right. And, honestly, it's not that I don't care about his son, because I do....I'm the one that helped him get visitation, and am still helping him make decisions so that he can build a healthy relationship with his son.
What I really meant was that I don't want to hear any of the negative stuff. I did listen to him when he told me about all the "sweet" things his son said and did this weekend.
I just REALLY can NOT stand hearing about all the bs BM talks. I feel helpless. There's not much I can do about it, so I don't want to hear it, and he doesn't listen to me, just gets mad if I do think there's a better way to handle her. Kind of a one sided conversation that leaves me upset.
I like what you said about building a team of support. Maybe we just need another conversation about how to communicate when it comes to BM. I don't want to be bothered, but I love him. I'm just sick of being annoyed because of something someone else is friggin causing.
Yeah, I should have been
Yeah, I should have been clearer. I was REALLY pissed off when I was typing. I do care about him and SS. I am just so dayum sick and tired of hearing something negative every dayum weekend.
I'm feeling powerless, and I don't like it when I do make suggestions and he doesn't care to hear them.
I don't want to hear what negative sheat BM has to say about how he takes care of SS, or how everything that SS does wrong is DH's fault. It's not. It's both of their fault.
He just can't come unloading on me and then get mad when I say what I think. It's just as upsetting for me to hear what she has to say about him as it is for him to deal with it.
You can only take what you
You can only take what you can take.You are only a human being and sometimes the frustration levels can be too much- in general I think it is good if you can listen to your husband concerns and worries with his child and the annoying ex , but at the same time he needs to understand that it is affecting you and when is enough!!
Right. I am at my limit. I
Right. I am at my limit.
I feel like I can't do anything, he doesn't want to hear me about what I think he should do when he comes complaining, so why bother to tell me anything?
It's like he unloads and feels better, but I'm left upset about the control she has, the way she talks to him in front of SK, and the fact that my husband is too dayum DUMB to stand up to her.
Well, I feel like he's being dumb, because he REALLY needs to stop allowing her to criticize and discipline him in front of his child who already has respect issues.
My ex-husband would have NEVER, EVER allowed my child to say things to me like "what are you doing at my house", then laugh and say "he's so rude" like she does. I'd also NEVER allow my sons to disrespect their father. It's not cute. It's not funny, and it's not healthy.
I want things to work out, so I guess this is why these behaviors upset me more, because it keeps hitting me over the head showing me how near impossible it will ever be to work out.
I agree. I love my husband
I agree. I love my husband very much. What frustrates me is that I think every time I hear about the BM's bs, I realize the frustration I'm going to deal with for a very long time by choosing to stay with him.
Why the hell can't she just STFU and act like a normal person????? Why does she have so much hate in her, and why would she use her son to channel it through? I just can't wrap my head around any of this sheat, and I get mad at my husband for being so tolerant then sharing it with me. That's what I don't care about and want to hear. That's what I HATE about it.
I think you almost have to have the attitude of "I'm outta here" emotionally to stay sane through it. I don't really know, that's why I'm here asking for help.
Is it better to just say don't tell me, or to work on how to control my emotions when he does share?
lol. Humor is the best
lol. Humor is the best medicine. This is a great way to deal with the aggravation, and frustration.
Dayum, You should be here to
Dayum, You should be here to tell my DH that it's not my business every time he won't STFU and makes it MY business, because I don't want it to be MY business, and have tried to make that clear. EG-my post.
As for him not staying with me on visits-see my blog.
"And by the way, welcome to
"And by the way, welcome to step hell life reallifedrama."
Uhm, do I have to say thank you lol!? I mean I think most of you here are pretty awesome, but I'd be happy to sit out on this "club" lol.
But seriously, seeing as though I have chosen to unhappily be part of it, I thank you for the welcome! God knows I need to be able to talk to others who can comprehend what I say without jumping me thinking I'm jealous of BM and all that other sheat that goes with it. The jealous of BM part sends me into fits of rage lol.
I know you're right. My husband does need support, and I have chosen to be in this relationship with him. I probably could (eventually) just listen and remember that it is neither he, nor I that gets to decide what BM will brew up next.
I COULD be supportive and just do the "Oh wow, oh goodness, gee" communicating thing with him. I will try it. I won't promise that I don't end up saying, "Agh, just STFU" lol, but it is definitely worth a try! We have been pissed off at EACH OTHER for 3 days now since that incident!
1. I am hoping he was not
1. I am hoping he was not yapping about this at dinner. I find that when not so Dh brings up kids, fmil, or bm while we are at dinner...it just ruins dinner.
2. I do agree with the acting like you are bored...or uninterested response...this works so well...or - I even pick up my phone and start playing tetris - he usually gets it. Sometimes I randomly change the subject and start talking about some animal I saw on animal planet or something...
3. I understand what you are saying...I don't EVER really want to hear about BM UNLESS it's something about something that ruining her life or she fell down some stairs or something...if it's not bad I don't want to hear it when it comes to her...and though I love one stepkid - the other has caused nothing but chaos and miserableness in my life...so I DO like to hear about school activites and things - BUT I think there's always a time to hear about this stuff....not over a nice quiet yummy dinner...I prefer to keep my food in my stomach...