Entitlement, it's whats for dinner!
So about a week or so ago we get a call from grandkid #2. She tells grandpa that she would like her birthday gift early so she can by some school clothes. It never ceases to amaze me that "grubbing" for a birthday gift a month before your actual birthday is perfectly acceptable nowadays.
So my hubby hangs up and thinks "whatever, if we have money or time next week we will send her something." In other words, no rush...I am fine with this, it is not an earth shattering event or major bill that has to be paid.... just a birthday gift!
So today we get a call from SS who tells us that SD (one with grandkid) was bitching about her daughter asking for birthday money and not getting it "immediately" because "Dad's wife does not like to let go of the money."
In other words, once again, i suck...
First off, it is up to us when, what and how we want to send something. It is a gift!!! Also it is rude to have your kid call up grandpa early to grub for your gift.... period. Maybe i am old school but i would never let my kid think this was an Ok thing to do, but for SD apparently it is fine...
Second, 20 years and still basically treated like a pod person. Not somebody that has bills, mortgage, feelings, soul, etc.... just a wallet with tons of money flowing endlessly! It is just me working but that does not even cross their minds. Their drama (can't pay electric, cable is being shut off, no food in house) is all that matters. Apparently we do not have any drama, just tons of money ooozing all over the place.
The reason we do not have drama in their minds is because we never talk about it. We have tons of drama! Bills, medical catastrophes and repairs...ad here i am trying to figure out how to pay for my sons medication which is 179 dollars a month! But we do not matter, only them.
Ok, off my soapbox
It is always easier to blame
It is always easier to blame the wife....I am over gifts of any sort for my step kids... Christmas we spend a fortune on them and they always give their father - not me - just their father a $10 framed picture. You can give a picture anytime of the year so this is no great gift from the heart mind you. Hubby and I have decided to start taking cruises for Christmas and then there is no drama about gift giving.
I hope you upgrade your room
I hope you upgrade your room with the cash you would have spent on them.
Love that, going away for the
Love that, going away for the holidays. I'm proud to be a newbie on this site with someone as smart as you are.
SD21 starts mentioning her
SD21 starts mentioning her B-day a month in advance. Guess what she got this year? Nada! My husband does not keep track of what day it is and I did not remind him, so she did not even get a phone call!
SD called on THE day and it still did not occur to him what the date was and she had to remind him. I know it was mean of me but I was smiling inside. She has hurt my husband's feelings for years on Father's Day and his B-day with no call or card or anything, so...
I'm sure when her kids are old enough, she will teach them to call and do the same thing.
I've done that, not reminding
I've done that, not reminding him. I even apologize and take the blame. Feels good. Just a little revenge for all the disrespect. Don't clean up other people's messes.
You are right runninmom, we
You are right runninmom, we can never catch a break! They just can't wait to pounce on us no matter how innocent or how hard we try!
I am to the point where i
I am to the point where i really do not care about them anymore. My husband called her up today (SD) and basically gave it to her. Of course she denied saying anything negative about me but i told him that she has major entitlement issues. Who says that? Whatever happened to the notion of a gift? Now she is teaching her kids the same thing.
I guess what is so frustrating to me is that for all these years they have never once asked me anything about myself, their little brother or father. It is sad. When we tell them something. Like for example when my husband basically died for a few minutes after he had a heart attack 12 years ago, my SS looks like he is shocked. Well ya, he never even bothered to call! How would he know?
We hear about everything though, if they got a 50 dollar parking ticket, they would call and bitch and i guess expect us to somehow "fix it" they never ask, "Gee dad, since you are out of work, are you guys doing ok?" Never!
Our little boy has had 8 surgeries, only one of his kids has ever called to see how he was doing. He has ongoing medical issues, nobody even thinks about these things. SD just makes snide comments about why i do not pay for karate lessons for him (250 a month) and if she only had one kid she would! Yea easy to pay for karate when you do not pay any of your other bills and grub for gifts!
Your sd is just like my
Your sd is just like my younger ss (38 years old now). HOW MUCH ARE YOU GIVING ME AND CAN I JUST HAVE IT NOW?
He is all his father's problem now, I have signed my divorce papers and hope I never have to smell the skid again!!
You sound like my hero. I
You sound like my hero. I just joined this site tonight. Can't believe so many of you are living in my world. I used to get stepped on a lot. Then I started writing it all down, my version, as I saw it. It made an awfully funny book. Working with a publisher on getting it out this year. Yes, it's entertaining, but I also hope someone buys it for a friend who is considering marriage to a man with children. If I can stop one woman from going through all this crap, my life will be worth a lot more than it is now. Just one. I want my story to make a difference to someone.
Hubby asked me what I wanted
Hubby asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday? I thought what I don't want to do is get together with his kids as it will cost us $400 to feed them all... LOL
Trying not to laugh! Yea,
Trying not to laugh! Yea, tell me about it. Everytime we do something with them it takes us 6 months to pay off the credit card! Think this year i am going to tell hubby, give me the money, i am having my own little spa day! lol!
I think the funniest thing I
I think the funniest thing I ever said to my stepdaughter was years back when she was complainging about not having money to pay her rent....YADA YADA YADA ...same story different day... So when her birthday came up a few days later she asked for money to buy a $800 coach bag. As I am a very straight to the facts kinda lady, I stated "unless you can live a month in that handbag, you had better pay your rent with any money you get rather than buying a Coach handbag honey"... That was 8 years ago and she still says I had no right to say that. I am sorry but any step mom in her right mind would point out paying rent is a higher priority than having a pricey handbag slung over your shoulder. I still laugh at that one...
SD21 and her husband don't
SD21 and her husband don't like to pay rent either. Guess what? We are not paying it and you are not living with us.
She likes to hint around to DH to give her money for things but he does not play that game. She tried complaining about the rent thing once, saying they just got a notice that they were going to be evicted in 2 days (over the weekend, no doubt) and just didn't know what to do. DH said, "Oh no, where are you guys going to go?"
I said, "Don't worry, eviction is a long process, you've got some time to figure things out." I'm sure she does not like my input but she would never say anything. She thinks her dad is dumb and is going to believe you can be evicted in 2 days. Never heard another word about the eviction, by the way.
Seriously, SD, we have dealt with your lying, manipulative mother for more years than I care to count, do you think we are not prepared for your shit?
My DH and I would both laugh
My DH and I would both laugh our asses off if SD ever sent us a wish list!
We would let her know we must've received it by mistake but will forward it on to Santa for you.
How this for entitlement?
How this for entitlement? When my SD 22 first moved in with us a year ago she would come home after working her part time 4 hr day & loudly ask "whats for dinner daddy" . I would just laugh at her - she got the message -
Ridiculous. I am thinking of
Ridiculous. I am thinking of telling my husband that we cannot possibly send any birthday money as we have decided to take our son to the amusement park instead (70 bucks a head).
Birthday present... master card... response back from that comment, priceless!
Seeing your post actually
Seeing your post actually makes me feel lucky that my SD'18 estranged herself from us after we refused to give her any more money....I was always terrified about how bad it would become when she had children of her own, or moved out on her own, and all of that stuff....good lord, I am so sorry you have to deal with this!!
oh hereiam I totally agree
oh hereiam I totally agree that is my SD. According to my SO she is the only one who can have money spent on her, if I want to spend money on my kids, he complains, I want to go clothes shopping, he complains. I hope your DH waits till her birthday to send a 20 dollar gift card, I think it is so rude to call up and ask people for stuff family or not.
I love the title of this
I love the title of this thread! So many young adults are like this now, just take, take take. Ask intrusive questions about spending habits, constantly bring up their inheritance. I never raised kids but I have observed many parents who indulge their kids and talk to them all the time about what will be theirs when they die. In a way, it's karma that so many older people have lost everything and thus these spoiled brats will receive nothing. There will be a lot of weeping and poor me talk about that, but it will be a huge lesson for them. Me, I blame their parents, including my husband, for creating a belief that they are entitled, more so than their father's wife.
The sad thing is on top of it
The sad thing is on top of it we the ex trying to work money out of us to bail out other SS. He is 35! My husband says to me "I am nothing more than an ATM." I feel bad for him but that is what it has come to. And if the ATM stops handing out money, they stop calling, he does not exist. Maybe i am old school but for some reason this generation feels like parents are always supposed to do for them. I guess we are not supposed to ever have a life!
Are you willing to try tough
Are you willing to try tough love?
How about sending the
How about sending the following message: "Let us know which week you can come and take care of your Father. Since he has has three surgeries this year it would not be wise for him to travel." I keep thinking I can not believe how crass the skids can be but I've dealt with similar self-absorbed, overly-entitled crap like this too. They act like their immediate family and their needs are all that matters. We just HAVE to oblige - it is our job. SD and her hubby used to drop off their large dogs for us to care for, sometimes at the last minute - and yes, we had to travel 5 hours to take the dogs home. Not once did they ask me if I wanted to and I would up being the one that cared for the dogs who crapped all over our carpeting and chewed up my shoes. Although I have to admit I liked the dogs a lot more than SD. LOL