Happy or not?
I wanted to ask this because it makes me wonder if a lot of the drama that we have to deal with in our lives revolves around the fact that we have adult stepchildren that are miserable human beings. It seems like the general consensus that because of being enabled, not knowing how to cope, and making poor choices we end up with, self centered and unhappy adults hovering around us.
Point in case, i never know if i am going to say or do the wrong thing with my SD. It seems like i can never do or say anything right because it is misconstrued, it is almost like she is sitting around stewing about her life and what is not right about it. I don't care anymore but i just find it strange that she is such an unhappy person and is hell bent on letting everyone know how unhappy she is and how miserable her life has become. Of course she does nothing to change the situation, just lets each year pass by becoming more and more miserable, spiteful and angry.
Of course all of this stems from bad choices, which perhaps she sees as our fault. We did not fix things for her or make her life easier. How could we? We have our own drama and our own lives to deal with.
Maybe if they made good choices, took responsibility for their lives and became functional they would be happy and thus not care about us or what we do, how we spend "our money" (or how much money we have).
What do you think? How many of you actually have adult stepkids that are happy???
Yes, it seems like their
Yes, it seems like their drama always comes first and they never seem to think about if you have any drama. Maybe because they never think about anybody but themselves. We have just as much drama (medical issues, job, money, debt, etc.) the difference is we never burden anybody else with ours.
Couldn't agree more with you!
Couldn't agree more with you! In fact that is why I put up a post today under teenage step children. Only reply made me feel worse. It was a good point but I did not give enough information until it was to late. I'm saying this cause we want to be in SD's life but she won't give anyone a chance. If we keep having her over, she wants to physically attack me & I think shes doing this cause she is mad at her dad. Can't imagine the adult years with her at this rate - yikes!
Sorry, I read your post & know exactly what you are talking about. I don't believe that you can help any person step kid or other for that matter when they are happy being miserable. Step kid or not, we need to pick & choose who is going to be in our life in the end.
Also, my SS is nearing his adult years & he is a joy to all that are lucky enough to be a part of his life
Smart, caring, loving, honest, very respectful of others, & so much more. There are good adult step kids out there thank goodness.
My youngest SS has had some
My youngest SS has had some major ups and downs and we actually have a decent relationship, mostly because he moved out of the same state as his dysfunctional family (his mom, brother, sister etc.). He actually sounds very happy over the last few months and wants to come visit us at Christmas.
The other two older skids are stuck in this cycle of dysfunction. My SD seems to be more and more miserable with each passing year like she is stuck in this life she chose and has no idea how to get out of it. I brought this up to my husband and he agrees with me. She has a horrible marriage that i have been told she is only in because of the kids. She is always stressed out about money etc... but never does anything to get out of her situation and when there is a crisis thinks nothing of sucking us into her drama.
I think personal happiness is a choice. You can get up and out of bed and have a smile on your face or look at life like it is a ball and chain. That is your choice. It makes me wonder if she was a happy, fulfilled person if she and I would have a completely different relationship? Now it seems like one that is based on resentment... sad
OD, you scare me. I was
OD, you scare me. I was hoping there might be a light at the end somewhere. Guess I'll have to wait for the light when I'm dead
"when you had finally met
"when you had finally met someone, we had hoped that she would try to repair your relationship with your daughters, only to find she had her own interest to keep you apart." Like it was your responsibility and not that of DH? WOW!!!
I never really thought SD
I never really thought SD might be unhappy until she started projecting her anger and bitterness my way. I believe she has been unhappy for a long time - probably since her parents broke up (she was almost 15 at the time) - she is now 35 (I think), maybe 36.
DH and I were happy for many years, until we hit a rocky patch a few years ago and she pounced. Her and DH tag-teamed against me and that was the turning point in my marriage.
A husband should NEVER bring a third person into the marrige, especially one so biased and with their own agenda. Helping DH and I work through our problems was not her goal, her goal was to break us up - after 20 years!!!
I still feel shocked thinking about how underhanded and manipulative she is. Luckily I have disengaged and DH is trying to step back from her. Only time will tell. She hasn't had a hissy fit yet about her dad's new behaviour, but i am sure she is stewing and it is only a matter of time before she blows up on him too.
I met my former SKs when they
I met my former SKs when they were in their mid to late 20s. By then it was far too late to have much if any effect on them. They both have anger problems and I worry about their children getting the brunt of it. I wonder if they are finally happy now that mommy and daddy are dead and they inherited 2 homes, one of which they allow me to live in. Somehow I doubt it. They are passive aggressive in the extreme and narcissistic. I'm so glad that I don't have to be around them anymore. I can't tell you how free I feel, even if I got screwed on inheritance.
You are only able to make
You are only able to make yourself happy,, you cant "make" others happy.. If they chose to be miserable, then its their choice and their life to live.. You are responsible for the raising,, the rest is up to her.. No one is owed anything..
The faster she understands this the faster she can get on with her life..
To answer your question,, I would like to think that my kids are happy and my almost adult skids are happy. We have prepared them as best as we know how anyway...