Just when I think I am doing better the wound gets ripped open
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The only question I have is how does one continue when you used to be a family unit and because of SD choices, now you are not. Just remaining in this marriage is a reminder that our family is irrevocably broken. The pain truly never ends.
We struggled through years of stepfamily life only to have no cohesive family in the end. How I wish I had not bothered to even try.
So sorry to hear of your
So sorry to hear of your situation. It is very hard when SD is determined to undermine everything we do. I am in the same boat and feel exactly the same as you do right now. Just trying to decide whether any part of our marriage is salvagable. Take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself.
I think hypovic has a good
I think hypovic has a good point....
you need a paradigm shift....
You and your DH had dreams of a blended family that would be cohesive and work well, but the other people involved did not share that dream, and didn't allow it.
At this point you need to step back and choose where to place your focus....
Your marriage is your immediate family.... nuture each other.
Sometimes we have to let go of our expectations and accept what we have in order to truly live in peace....
You can't change other people.... If you love him, and he loves you, you can love one another, live happily together, and love others from afar.
Yes, good point about the
Yes, good point about the definition of family. For the marriage to survive, I will have to get to the place you are describing. The current situation is still pretty new though there were undercurrents of it all along. I asked to work things out. She in a typical young "adult" fashion rudely said no. I decided I am not putting up with the emotional abuse any longer. Get the issues out in the open, attempt resolution or respectful disagreement, or for once and for all, get out of my life. Turns out she was never really in my life excePt that she had to live here and had her fun dissing me over the years. SD has even mistreated my daughter who used to think she gained a sister. My daughter refuses to talk about it but I did learn SD has not talked to her in months. My BD loved her and was not bothered by SD's rudeness, and even she was tossed aside. Go ahead and hate me but why do that to BD. I feel so bad that I imposed this other family onto my kids and this is how it worked out.
We all have lived together since the two youngest were 10 and 12. That is a long time. Maybe we are still a family but my BD doesn't seem to think so. She doesn't even want to go on vacation with the family that is left. Yes, I can go on my own vacation with DH. But right now I am mourning and angry about all the sacrifices I made in my life and in the lives of my kids and SD just stomps on all of it. It is disgusting.
Yes, I need a paradigm shift
Yes, I need a paradigm shift in my entire life right now. I hope I figure it out because this is torture.
It sounds like you're a bit
It sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed.
Try to do something to take care of your inner spirit, that will help!
Not that it's any consolation
Not that it's any consolation but these same things happen in bio families. I like this, "If you love him, and he loves you, you can love one another, live happily together, and love others from afar." That's good - love others from afar - especially adult Skids.
That's often what happens in families - people fight, don't speak for years, someone gets some sense or some death/disaster befalls someone, and then people (with sense) adjust their attitudes and hopefully the family can move forward.
You married your dh and NOT
You married your dh and NOT his bio daughter. Let her live her own life because in my opinion I do not want to get involved in my sd's life, she made a mess out of it. Some of these skids are like sore spots or should I say scabs on your skin, just don't scratch it or you will open up the wound that will never heal. Like my dh said if you have nothing good to say about his adult kid don't say anything about her, so I have nothing to say. Things are now quiet. She is not my blood & I have nothing in common with her.
Don't let people (skids) drag you down because they are not worth it. Distance helped me from disturbed sd...
I'm not going back the way it
I'm not going back the way it was before disengaging either. However, I think it does take time. It is almost a mourning period for you. You feel at first You failed. I look around my home and our lake cottage at all the effort my DH, myself, and my sons put in to making it bigger, warmer, grandkid friendly. I busted my hump over the years to coddle to everyone's individual likes and dislikes. Now I look at it all....and feel old, exhausted and wonder why I ever , EVER cared about this hateful SD's. Definitely not going back , but it does take time.
My husband even offered up that the past year was so much more enjoyable without them in his life. That really shocked me.
Give it time and nurture your smaller family because they are worth it.
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