It never ends....
So just got back from communion for our youngest grandchild in NY. Prior to communion i made a few ground rules. I did not want to have to sit across from ex wife and jerky SS. So my husband told my SD to seat us at different tables. How hard could that have been?
Under the circumstances, I feel like i do not have to go out of my way to make conversation with the ex anymore. It is not that i have not tried to have some kind of relationship with these people over the last 22 years but i have had to disengage. I have always gone out of my way to make conversation and be polite with the "ex" because i do not want to disrespect the skids. But she is such a horrible and miserable you know what. I am not going to sugar coat it anymore. Always whining about her life or money or making snide comments to my husband. She still acts like even after 22 years it is his fault that she is living on welfare popping pills and being her turnip self who has no interests in life except her nails and hair.
So after my husband expressly requested to his daughter, please do not seat us at the same table, what do you think she does? I am sitting right across from turnip and son! Unbelievable! It was uncomfortable and awkward. I was so irritated because once again i am disrespected. We do not make the trip to NY often so why do we have to mingle with the ex? I know it is her mom, but one day out of a year she cannot make a concession to our feelings? Then after a few drinks, SD wants to know why we are ignoring her mom and it is making things uncomfortable... really? If she was concerned with uncomfortable why did she ignore her dad's request and plop her right in front of us?
So my husband goes and says something like "how is it going" to the ex and she kind of shrugs, so he looks at me like "I tried" and that is that.
Then he decides to go outside and have a cigarette. Well the ex gets up, follows him outside and basically hits him up for money! She starts whining about how broke she is and how she and their deadbeat son "could really use some cash" Again with the guilt trip "your son can really use your help."
First of all, deadbeat son is 35. Why is this our problem that he sits around her apartment all day watching TV, not working and doing anything with his life for 5 years? We stopped enabling him several years ago, yet she is still "working" my husband for money?
It never ends!
(((HUG))) Some people never
(((HUG)))
Some people never get it.
I know, scary huh? Yet they
I know, scary huh? Yet they "expect" us to get it!
Stop caring about disrespect
Stop caring about disrespect to this SD at least -- she hugely disrespected each of you. No need to bother with believing any agreement she reaches, ever again.
Nice SD you have there, she
Nice SD you have there, she doesn't seem to be too much different in some ways than you SS. Guess the apple's didn't fall to far from the tree did they. Please, Please, Please, tell me your DH did not let her make him feel guilty, and please tell me he didn't give her the money, PLEASE.
On the bright side this is the yougest grandchild, hopefully there won't be anymore on this side of the family so this will be the last round of "special" occassions you will have to attend. I know there are far too many of them left for you, but hopefully this is the last grandchild on this side as I said. Hate this crap, I really hate it.
I know, no, thank god my
I know, no, thank god my husband has finally "got it" and basically blows her off now. He used to feel bad for SS but now he realizes that this guy is got major entitlement issues. So unfortunately neither of us have much to do with him. She is a lowlife, white trash, piece of you know what. Then after it was all over, they had these chocolate lollipops on the table for guests and she (AKA Turnip BM) basically went across the entire table and put all of them in her purse! What class! Luckily i was able to get one for my son, who is 7 (and what they were intended for... the kids!).
The next day SS calls up other SS and says "I cannot have a relationship with daddy, we are through, he never wants to help me."
I say... thank you! Good buy!
Geez, this is scary. Do
Geez, this is scary. Do these freaking people ever get it? I can't imagine. I hope we never go through that...I couldn't handle it.
I'm sorry runninmom....that
I'm sorry runninmom....that sucks! My DH's kids do this sh!t to him also. "You owe me because you had the nerve to divorce my mom 1000 years ago, blah blah blah". Makes me wanna puke! It's like, get over it already!
I think my SD is a bit
I think my SD is a bit delusional. She seems to want us all to "get along" and believe me, i have tried. I am sick of one-sided all about her and her victim brain that i do not want to do it anymore. Everytime we go back East, i am either sitting next to BM or in a car next to her or someplace else. Usually she just sits there with a "duh" look on her face and says nothing. As a matter of fact, nobody asks me how i am doing, what is going on, how i feel. Nobody cares, i am like a rock with a wallet...I was not included in any family pictures at this event (as usual) and only talked to when it involves money or something they want or need.
So i go out of my way to try and be polite and make conversation, which usually consists of nail color or sparkly shirts. I feel like i have to stoop down to the level of a wet sock in order to "comply" and why? I am done.
My DH has already talked to his daughter about the situation and told her about the "money grubbing" and SD just kind of acts like she is clueless or she had "no control" over seating arangements.
Then she gets upset when i limit our visits to 2 or 3 days max. We used to go for a week and it was too much for me emotionally and financially. This time we did 2 days and flew to Florida and she got insulted. My husband explained to her that i only have a limited amount of vacation time and i want to actually go on vacation.
I don't care anymore, let her get insulted. I told my husband that his daughter is a "B" and he says nothing because he knows i am right. Then i also said that sitting on her couch listening to her and her husband fight incessantly and then having to pay for everything is not a vacation. It is like putting a hot needle in my eyeball. He gets it... he actually laughed when i said that because it is true!
At least, through all of it we are on the same page now!
ROCK WITH A WALLET love it
ROCK WITH A WALLET
love it
You know what Runinmom, just
You know what Runinmom, just don't go anymore. If you are not heavily involved with the grandchildren then they won't be too disappointed if you don't turn up on the day. Give the special occassions a miss and turn up at another time if you want to, recognise the event with the child give the gift or acknowledgement, have your visit without all the BM drama, or send a card (with money of course),to shut everyone up, and pray that the grandkids get old enough sooner rather than later to come out and visit you guys so you never have to go there again.
Wonderful news that SS has told other SS he cannot have a relatinship with your husband's wallet, oops I mean your husband, anymore. Every cloud has a silver lining eh
Feeling very over this adult step children nonsense and the parents who indulge it I am afraid.
These people are ADULTS not kids, they are men and women in their twenties, thirties and forties sometimes we just have to accept that and move on. Constantly indulging their childish gimmie, gimmie, gimmie attitude is only prolonging their over inflated sense of entitlement.
EBU I could not agree with
EBU I could not agree with you more! The sad thing is while the SS says this i actually feel bad for my husband. Since we have been together (over 20 years) i can basically count on one hand how many times he has actually called his dad and each time was money. He "thinks" he has stopped having a relationship with his dad now, but the reality is he stopped 20 years ago. This makes me feel sad for my husband. I know he was not perfect but he did the best he could and is still being punished.
No more drama and negativity for me. All of these family ordeals are going to be few and far between from here on out!
Runninmom you feel sad for
Runninmom you feel sad for your husband, so do I, so do a lot of other caring women on this site, that is unfortunately how we came to be in this situatnion in the first place. Too much compassion, a lot of it misplaced.
Yes, "Too much compassion, a
Yes, "Too much compassion, a lot of it misplaced." It gets to the point after a while that even though you feel sad for DH you ask if he was sad for you when you were enduring Skids abuse. Compassion goes both ways. I love DH, and feel a certain amount of sadness for him but there is only so much pity for self-inflicted wounds.
Agreed. I spent so much time
Agreed. I spent so much time and energy and emotion going up against DH's daughters and battling them to "protect" him. What a stupid move that was. Guess who looked like the idiot to the family?
I too got to the point with him where I feel "I ONLY HAVE SO MUCH PITY for YOUR self-inflicted wounds Babe". You stood there and allowed your ex to train them day after day to hate you, and you did nothing. You walked out for hours....going out for a beer to cool down after another big fight, only to come home to your daughters on YOUR bed consoling YOUR WIFE. You handed her the golden emotional blackmail scepter.