Birthday mulah
I have a question. I moved out when I was 17 and never looked back. So this is new territory to me, and honestly SO and I have completely different opinions on the matter (go figure lol).
So as you all know SS21 is very codependent, on ANYONE and everyone, part of that is the addiction stuff, mostly because he's been babied his whole life.
Anyways, his birthday is in a couple weeks and randomly at 1230am this morning SO gets a text stating "id like to know when and how much birthday money I'll be getting because I'm giving it all to my lawyer".
A few things to consider in why this made my blood boil. 1,SS went into the city last night to a 5ā restaurant with girlfriend for dinner. Also got new outfit, haircut and tattoo, all of which he posted on social media. 2, he's living rent free with BM and just quit ANOTHER job. 3, he has not spoken to SO since we refused to let him move in with us and he threw a MASSIVE sh*t fit including stating he'd just go back to drugs, except to ask to borrow SO's car for a week. 4, we are tight on $$ right now. 5, MOTHER'S day is sunday, a week BEFORE his birthday, and I've already been given the "we're tight on cash" speech so I wasn't expecting much.
SO my question is, when do you stop giving them $$?? I feel like SO gives this kid hundreds of dollars every holiday and it drives me CRAZY. I never received $$ in lieu of gifts growing up and certainly not after I left home.
SO when is the appropriate time or age to stop? And is it different considering SS's history and current situation ??
Opinions??
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Comments
A $25 gift card would be an
A $25 gift card would be an appropriate gift.
See I 100% agree with this! I
See I 100% agree with this! I offered $50 gift cards for skids this Easter along with candy baskets, instead of the $300 per kid he usually spends, and they didn't mind at all!
Dear SS, your birthday is
Dear SS, your birthday is coming up so in your name I bought a herd of goats for a family in Guatemala. I hope you appreciate how much this means to them.
A drug addict who isn't
A drug addict who isn't speaking to me? 0
A kid or anyone who asks me that question especially via text at 12:30 am? 0
How is he supposed to learn not to break the law if daddy et al pay for his lawyer and put up with this kind of treatment?
If he can't afford Mother's Day then he can't afford kids. Period. He'll have to send them back to the factory.
A gift is given of free will,
A gift is given of free will, not upon demand. I would give this one nothing.
I'd never give money to an
I'd never give money to an addict.
But ignoring that fact for a second, I would certainly never give money to anyone who had the gall to ask me how much money they were getting and when. And at 1230am? Hell to the no.
I'd almost want to reply, "I'm sorry, who gave you the impression that we were giving you any money at all, you rude little sh!t?"
As to when money giving stops - that's up to you. My MIL still gifts my husband money (think like $100) for his birthday. And that's only if she can't think of something practical that he needs.
My parents/relatives gave me birthday money until 18. After that you're on your own! And I certainly never asked them when/how much I was getting! So incredibly rude.
^^This. What granny and
^^This. What granny and somethingwicked says. Can't improve upon this advice. We have an active addict in our family who is something to behold. They stop at nothing.
Of course you feel frustrated. But there's nothing you can do about your husband'sā bad parenting.
Considering how rude his
Considering how rude his request was... I wouldn't give him anything.
My parents started to give my
My parents started to give my brother and I cash for presents when we were adults. I think it was easier than buying a gift.
Though, I didn't have to pay lawyer fees..lol.
Of course, I never would have asked for it. In fact, this past Christmas, my dad "forgot" to mail us both the "standard check". I did not remind him. He's 88, so it probably slipped his mind. We don't neeeed it, but it is nice to have a little mad money.
I quit receiving gifts/money
I quit receiving gifts/money when I turned 18. I am lucky if my dad even remembers to call me on my birthday, lol.
DH still gets $25 from each set of grandparents and about $100 from his parents.