Ugh, here we go again. Last time it was $250 sneakers, now it's money being thrown away into games and apps for the cell phone.

FDH and I are expecting our first baby together in October for those that haven't read before. I also have a SS12 that lives in another state about an hour and a half away.

FDH parents this child out of guilt, and I don't know how much more I can take! I have told him he parents him out of guilt, and that he can't worry about being his friend. We have clearly noticed when SS is with us on a regular weekend basis that he thrives from the routine we use with him, most likely because he feels cared about and not ignored as he is with BM.

Last night, FDH came to me to talk about his personal budget since we have the baby on the way and he has recently proposed, so he now has an additional bill on his own to take care of from my engagement ring. While going through his bank statements, I discovered once again, he has been lying to me about SS.

The last lie I caught him in was regarding SS and the purchase of customized cell phone cases he was buying him at $50 a pop. SS kept posting pictures of himself with all these phone cases, and one day, I saw an email on our iPad with shipping information for a cell phone case. SS now has about $200 in cell phone cases that FDH has purchased for him.

When we bought SS his cell phone for Christmas, the agreement was that we would pay the bill and that would be it. If he loses or breaks the phone, there would be no replacement, as the iPhone is not covered under insurance with our carrier. The other agreement was that SS had to manage his own iTunes cards that he receives or purchases because the account is directly linked to FDH bank account.

While reviewing the statements, I noticed on an average each month of $50-$60 in iTunes purchases! I asked what was going on, and FDH said it's easier for him to allow SS to make the purchases than to make him wait for his visits to buy him an iTunes card. WHAT 12 YEAR OLD NEEDS $50-$60 IN ITUNES PURCHASES EACH MONTH?! Maybe I am too old fashioned, but there has to be a limit. You buy him a $15-$20 iTunes card, and that's what he gets. FDH pays his cell phone bill each month, pays his child support, and spends tons of money on him when visiting. I raised my eyes at FDH and continued to go through his statements, but I know for a fact he saw my disapproval. He immediately said, "Do you not understand that I don't see my son everyday?"

THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU GIVE HIM EVERYTHING HE WANTS.

This child doesn't even acknowledge me any longer, and has not for about 2 years now, which I have chalked up as puberty and a rough relationship and short breakup between FDH and I a few years ago (been together 8 years now). The child speaks to nobody, NOBODY. I don't even hear him talk to his dad much. FDH says they have conversations, but I've never heard a two-way conversation between the two of them EVER in 8 years. My MIL constantly nags SS about his lack of words, and tells him it's disrespectful not to speak, and she too doesn't enjoy being around him. When SS was younger, it was a joke to everyone that he never talked, and SS would giggle about it...but now he's 12. He should be speaking up for himself.

I have settled into a routine lately of FDH leaving on weekends to see SS and I stay home. It's less stress for me than being around him, but then I end up stressing about the fact that I am about to bring a sibling into the world for this kid and can't stomach him and am afraid that FDH is going to create resentment between our children. I also am afraid SS has or will notice that I show no interest in him anymore...or even still, that he doesn't care that I don't have a presence in his life much anymore. I feel like SS needs to understand that I feel that he doesn't appreciate the things I have done for him. There are no 'thank you's' whatsoever, and rarely have there ever been. I accepted it when he was younger, but no longer have the patience as I feel he is old enough now to understand how gifts and appreciation work.

SS will soon be done with school for the summer, and I am absolutely dreading his visits to us. During his visits, he watches TV, plays videogames, destroys the house, and eats every ounce of food we buy...typical pre-teenager/teenager behavior I know, but he has no respect for our house and FDH instills no rules for him. As far as the food goes, FDH and I are on a tight budget preparing for new baby and just catching up on bills, and it irritates the crap out of me when I see food thrown away all the time. This child has no sense of money, and FDH does not try to introduce him to any type of understanding of money. We've gone as far as to buy him his own food that he enjoys eating and is easy for him to make himself, and he will eat EVERYTHING in the house, even things he doesn't like and throws away.

FDH and I had a talk last time I had a blow up over the $250 birthday sneakers, and he agreed that he should have chores when he comes to our house, but I feel like if he is going to support this stupid iTunes thing, then SS should have chores at BM house. There has to be some accountability!! I really don't know that I will be able to bite my tongue the way I have been, as my hormones are making me crazy.