BM rears her ugly head yet again and it's causing problems for our household.

I just discovered today that DH transferred $500, a loan, into SS's account. I also discovered that BM is involved in buying him a vehicle, $400 was to be SS's contribution, her new boyfriend is in on the deal too.

I pretty much disengaged with the kids but this is something that impacts me as an individual and undermines me as WIFE!

DH did not tell me two days ago, waited for me to find out, and is now indignant that I am upset? Apparently I have a vendetta against the boy? I do not have a vendetta but I do take exception to being used. My issues are not with the SKids, or really with BM, my issue is with how DH deals with them and just gives them whatever they ask for! I am not doing without anything, or I might consider my grievance to be more personal, I just cannot believe how he allows them to manipulate him that way! By doing that to him they are doing it to me too. I believe that DH really, REALLY, could use some other perspectives, he says there's no time to 'sit and think and discuss' or to 'consult' if a decision has to be made quickly. I will suggest to him that he has to make the time to deal with me regardless of before or after the event and reiterate that it's easier BEFORE! At least I would know not to use the account, should I decide I wanted to buy something. I asked him what would happen if I'd already made a purchase and not informed him he just said he'd use another account if that were the case, totally missing my point! I should have asked him what if I did not tell him I'd used the money and the account went overdrawn and incurred charges??

What really upset me is that he actually said he thought about telling me and changed his mind for peace's sake...on his part...their part? I get more upset with people when they lie to me than I do by what they actually did. Am I being deranged when I consider that he put them above me when he made his decision to put the money out? I wonder how much of it was manipulation on their part and he had not the balls to say 'no'? That's quite sick if it's the case! Of course I am going to speculate, it's human nature, and based on historical events with BM too.

I have still not forgotten the last escapade whereby BM was involved with a vehicle, coincidentally the mentioned sum was $400. Initially the vehicle was to be a gift to the SKids because she was getting a brand new one, courtesy of all the money she fleeced from her most recent divorce settlement. Then it changed, she did not have a check yet so she needed $400...a lien was to be lifted and the title transfer etc. All in all it was nearly $1,000 we paid out. Not to mention the things that we fixed on the damned thing! Did I mention that there are two perfectly good vehicles in the driveway that really do not require much to fix them? They are not good enough for SS though!?

DH tried to justify it by saying that because he has not done his taxes yet the fafsa is not in for SS and his checks are not through yet and it's a LOAN.
What happened to all of us when we had no money but wanted all the finest things money can buy?
BM has already moved onto her next victim but she must not have him quite primed yet. I sound cynical, I am aware of this, but this woman has cleaned out no fewer than FOUR men, had children with three of them and then she ripped off her own siblings with the house after her parents died. This woman used her kids' social security numbers to take out lines of credit! The list goes on...
There are no nice things to say about her! She abandoned DH's kids to us as soon as I appeared on the scene, and still demanded child support and threatened me with all kinds of crap if I did not hand her extra one day, I told her to just go right ahead and do her worst but there was NO extras.
I am in favor of the boy learning from history, and NOT getting involved in any hair brained scheme of his mother's to 'get' him a vehicle. The boy is much more like his mother than I even wanted to imagine though and he is hell bent on getting what he wants at any cost so
there's probably no getting through to him. The best way to get through is to say NO! I understand that kids do not like to hear the word 'no' but that really does not help them in the long term if they get everything on demand. What if something happens to DH or I? BM will most certainly NOT give as much, not because she has a desire to teach the kids values but more because she is a greedy self centered money grabbing....etc. It seems like our boy is following on with her and that's a shame.

Any time that woman is in the picture there are problems and it ends up costing us money we really do not have to spend on that sort of bullshit, so, yes I get upset.

Bullshit with SD, SS's twin sister, court fees, probation fees, child support to the state for two group homes she was in and got kicked out of for her behaviors, days lost from work, contracts having to be refused because of SD's bullshit led us to be behind in our house note and she's now in a secure juvenile facility getting all kinds of therapy. All because they were spoiled beyond recognition and BM interfered and alienated them so far that they now have issues with DH too! Not so many that they cannot ask for money though?

DH still does not understand why, or at least he's not saying he does, I might feel upset? He tries to change the subject, or digress from the point with bullshit justifications and that angers me further! Why not just own the error and apologize and endeavor not to do the same again. At least inform me before the event if he has determined what he's going to do anyhow.
Buying me gifts to make amends is not really the way to go, it still leaves that void inside of me. I do recover from all the crap, I should alter the way I react to it, in fact (sarcasm intended)
I should just develop the same immunity they all seem to have. Their immunity seems to consist of denial, refusal to face reality even when it's staring them in the face? Calling reality 'negativity' is something I cannot fathom at all.

Where did common sense go? Did the first wives get it in the divorce settlement or something?

I cannot bring myself to treat people so badly though, or to insult people's intelligence,
and I do take exception to people treating me like I am an idiot.

I guess that it did not pan out, if it were for real then SS would have been at the door showing off his new vehicle.
I am willing to bet that SS is $400 down, his mother is $400 up and I really do not want to hear them bitching, nor will I say 'I told you so'. I guess that's part of the reason I was not consulted? I am not sure how he expected me NOT to notice the money out of the account? I'll be watching for it going BACK IN too!
Crazy or what? Huge 'guilty daddy' thing seems not to have gone away after all? Things were going well for the longest time too. They'll go well again but I had to get this off my chest, so to speak, before I think about discussing again with DH. Thanks to you all for taking this on board and being here for me.