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A couple of observations...

giveitago's picture

A parent child bond is sacred, a child needs to feel secure in the love of a parent. Usually kids do not get neglected but family dynamics are changing rapidly and more and more people are becoming step parents. Kids are opportunists by nature, self absorbed opportunists and can manipulate parents from inches long...crying for attention etc.
There have been some HUGE changes in child rearing methods and there are so many 'doctors' or 'psychologists' who have their opinions on child rearing these days that it's a total minefield! It actually became a 'business' to sell books on how to raise kids?? What ever happened to good old common sense?
Disgruntled kids make vows never to do like their parents did...the pendulum swings the other way, and back again! We are at a stage now whereby we dare not chastise kids, or look at them in a dissaproving manner or they'll call the cops! They get away with all kinds of bad things because the justice system is filled with bleeding heart, wishy washy, liberal attitudes towards 'children's rights' etc.
EVERYONE has rights, basic human rights, freedom of speech etc. What children do not, nor some parents for that matter, seem to get is that children really still do have what I call 'rights of passage' at age appropriate times. It's the job of parents to prepare the kids for the outside world, and to put limitations on them for their own safety until then. There are NO LIMITS on kids these days. Any one of us who haa some moral decency are outraged by it all. That is when the conflict arises, right? Kids are quick to notice any adjustment in someone's moral compass, and, face it, we've made compromises we are not happy about with step kids...slippery slope!
Kids latch on pretty quickly, if they are self absorbed little sociopaths to begin with, and will very quickly manipulate a situation to their own advantage. It's usually 'daddy dearest' who is the most clueless and vulnerable target for them and often it's really not intentional on his part. By the time the manipulations are established it's very difficult to get back on some sort of decent moral path.
Technology is a huge issue, mostly it's forward progress with things like medical science etc. and great strides forward are being made. Unfortunately it's the addiction of kids too, instead of getting out there and doing fruitful things kids are stuck in rooms, looking like inmates with prison palor, and clueless about society at large. Social situations turn into a cell phone texting fest?? Kids are trapped! Parents are hog tied! I reckon we should still try with out kids, do not take it personally if they seem to reject efforts because it really does sink in...they just do not act on good advice until it comes up in their own mind as 'their idea' but the seeds are planted. I know, it's a manipulative trick, it works though!!
Hint...it works on husbands too!!

cant win for losin's picture

these damn "scientists and doctors" over ananlyzing EVERYTHING on the subject of child rearing, etc... get a handful of insecure parents who buy these words as gospel.

don't do this, gotta do that, blah blah blah....

giveitago's picture

Especially first time parents who may not have had experiences with much younger siblings or relatives.

giveitago's picture

My sister waited ten years for her baby to come along. He may be doing OK now, not heard in a while, but he was THE most obnoxious child, cruel natured and clingy with his mother. She never chastised him, never corrected him and it was 'darling, please don't do that' which made my teeth curl at the sickly sweet voice...grrrrr...he was a horrible child! Around the same age as younger SKids too. My BD is 27 and I began seeing changes about then. My SS's are 31 and 32 and they were, and still are, very polite, well spoken and a joy to take anywhere they are trustworthy too. DD would take tantrums but I refused to dignify them, she was a great kid otherwise and is a beautiful woman now.
We used to joke about nephew, he had a fixation with rubber gloves? He was going to mawwy his mommy because she's the best. (pass me a bucket please!)

giveitago's picture

Yes indeed! I set boundaries with SD, kept them, and she figured out how far she could push me...increasingly less the more I learned!!!!