SS is BACK...
I almost lost it yesterday. SS 18 is back! He dropped out of high school in sophomore year, it should have been junior but he was a year behind, and he moved out because it was all my fault he could not live here. I know! He bummed around friend to friend and when he outstayed his welcome they asked him for rent so he moved on. Each time he let the dust settle and did the rounds, even staying with his mom for a while, twice! He got kicked out finally from everywhere and now he's back here, sharing his older brother's room. Older brother is not happy since he feels that 'time is up' now too. Older brother lives in a separate part of the house and is 24, he was disabled in a car wreck and was unable to walk for four years. SS 24 is a great guy, I forbid him moving out because he is our resident chef. Kidding there but it's still a joy to have him. He came to tell us that he was tired of his brother, I am not sure what he wanted us to do but I suggested to him to charge rent since that's what everyone else did! SS 18 was supposed to move into his own room but he wanted someone, anyone, to pay for a carpet cleaner so he could clean it and be able to sleep there. The carpet has marks on it but it's not 'soiled' as such. A rug was fine for him first time around?? I told SS 24 that 'no one likes it when I speak up' so I am leaving it to DH. I am still disengaged with the twins 18...yes...there are two of them! Boy and girl so I know it's not just one jeckyl and a hyde I am dealing with (chuckle). Like I said, I almost lost it yesterday because SS 18 was rude to me twice and I told DH that if he's rude or disrespectful to me again I'm going to put it back on him. DH is handling stuff with him pretty well, making him work and earn his keep from us. It's really up to SS 24 to get him to move out of his room and upstairs. I'd be asking him 'how badly do you want to live here rent free buddy? Get your mfing carpet cleaned (we have a carpet cleaner...two in fact) and get your ass up those stairs!' That is apparently not the way to handle little cherubs these days?? (pftttt) However I will put the whole thing back on him, I'll ask him if he really intends to be rude with X, Y or Z remark? It's on him really, showing his true colors.
I do feel bad for SS 24 but he said his brother could stay in his room, it will come to blows with the two of them and DH will side with SS 24, as will I, but I am not interfering with any of it. I told SS 24 that I was just waiting for his dad to have had a bellyful of it and take action, since NO ONE likes my brand of action.
I came downstairs to see SS 18 with an alcoholic beverage in his hand! I asked DH if he was aware of it and he said 'I am now' and said he'd talk to him. Personally I would have taken his truck keys from him at that point, it was bed time so maybe the morning would have done but I heard SS 18 start up his truck and leave. Not a lot we could do at that point, I agree, and SS 18 would have to take his licks if he was pulled over. NO BAIL is an agreement DH and I have, we were 'obliged' to do it when they were juveniles, or be considered negligent parents.
It's tough going, I thank you all here for being able to just to hear me out. It's tough when you love SKids more than they'll ever know or deserve!
Ohhh I am thankful for SS 24,
Ohhh I am thankful for SS 24, believe me. He has a different BM to the twins and her and I can work together on a lot of things. She's a fruitcake, artsy type, but it takes all sorts to make a world and she has not done me any harm...more good if anything, she gave me her son! SS 24 and I have had our issues but he's responsible and mature enough and we worked through them.
DH does expect SS to get his GED, it's been a month now and SS is wearing out his welcome with all of us here now. Rent, DH is OK with him earning his keep and the moment he refuses his dad something is the opportunity that DH will take to say it's time to move on. SS knows this too, which really sucks.
It's really not that we cannot afford an extra mouth to feed, it's that the mouth has to be attached to an able body and mind!
I like your suggestion about setting the money aside, I will actually suggest to DH that we do that because it will appeal to DH as an alternative, given that the twins both have 'entitlement' issues and daddy caters to that at times. I think it will go one of two ways...#1 is that SS agrees or #2 that he moves on and, in which case, he will not be able to return to use us.
Wow, you situation sounds so
Wow, you situation sounds so similar to mine. We just moved ss18 out of our house due to his attitude towards me and his lying and stealing from us. He moved out in March and lived with his uncle for awhile and then his uncle kicked him out and ss moved back in with us "for a couple nights until I can find another place" which turned into a month. I finally had a run in with him about 3 days ago and SO moved him into the only place he could find - a friend's barn. Non of his friends who have apartments want him, non of his friend's familys want him in their homes, so his best freind finally worked it out with his mom to have him stay in their barn that has a bathroom. So sad, but at least now he can be a slob and no one will care.
You're right, it can only go one of 2 ways for your ss. It's strange how each kid can be so different. My ss15 from same bm as ss18 and yet the two are like night and day. Now ss15 has not always been easy and like you with your ss24, we've had our issues, but I have been in his life now for 3 years and he's grown up and is very happy and secure with me being in the home. He dispises bm and has not seen her in well over a year but he's grown to respect me and like me on almost a daily basis! haha
I hope this can all work out for you and that actually if you start charging ss money he might move out.
Yep yep! We really do get
Yep yep! We really do get the short end of the stick as step parents. Occasionally I ask DH to pull a splinter out of my finger...that being the SHORTEST end of the stick! We survive though, right? This site has really helped me with perspectives too.
The day I lose my sense of humor is the day they'd ALL better look out!!