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Help with birthday dilemna Please

Geema's picture

Submitted by Geema on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 3:20pm

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General Discussion

It is DHs birthday tomorrow. He works all day, but will be home in the evening.

Now my birthday was 2 months ago and he borrowed money from my son to buy me a card and some half dead cheap flowers from the supermarket across the street. This after I bought expensive birthday gifts for SS7 in Dec and Christmas gifts for SS7 and SS4 (skids have different BMS). DH makes way more money than me and my son, so why he had to borrow money is beyond me. Also, last month was my son's birthday and all he got him was a card. On my birthday my son also bought me a birthday cake as DH did not and then SS7 and DH proceeded to eat all of it but the two pieces my son and I had. DH didn't even take me out to dinner. Needless to say I was peeved and hurt.

So my question is, what should I do for DH tomorrow? His mom is coming over on Sunday as SS4 will be visiting for a day (she lives with BM and SF 8 hours away and we don't see her often). I mean, I don't want to be a total witch, but I also don't want to be a sucker and waste more money if he is all about taking for himself and his kids. A month later he did give me some money when I went to get my hair done. (I should note that he threw 2 birthday parties for SS7 with expensive ice-cream cakes in DEC too.)

Suggestions?

Geema's picture

Submitted by Geema on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 3:21pm

*Also DH picked out the most expensive gifts when I took him shopping with me for skids in DEC. He has no problem spending my money.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 3:37pm

Agree with above. A nice card is all he would get from me.

My DH is pretty bad with gifts but he told me next month for my Birthday we have Van Halen tickets. My complaining about the crappy gifts the last few years has finally paid off...he hates the band so it means even more.

You need to get him just a card and when he asks tell him why. That is all you got me, I am just keeping pace with you. No more no less...and then get yourself a new handbag or shoes. Works for me.

Shannon61's picture

Submitted by Shannon61 on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 3:40pm

I'd give him a card and one of those cheapo (but tasty) grocery store cakes. This way you can save some for his mom and SD without looking like a heartless witch. Total out of pocket . .under $20.00. Smile

Geema's picture

Submitted by Geema on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 3:43pm

I know he expects me to buy gifts for his skids and him, that is the incredulous part. He has been asking for expensive golfing shoes. I guess I'll tell him a card is all I can afford at the moment. It is just hard because I like to make a big deal out of birthdays, etc. I like making people feel special, but at the same time I don't want to be used.

Geema's picture

Submitted by Geema on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 3:54pm

That is so depressing. Why isn't he making you feel appreciated too? ((((HUGS))))

I think you have a bigger heart. I'm so aggravated I will probably not buy skids anymore gifts unless he shapes up. Sounds like they never do.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 6:27pm

I would give him a card and a supermarket cake.

When he looks at you as if you set fire to his balls and his widdle heart is broken. Smile and say, "Something wrong? I thought we are WAY over getting gifts for each other. I mean, I got a card for my birthday. But tell you what, how about I make a donation to a charity of your choice?"

And NEVER EVER buy gifts for his kids again. EVER!

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Fri, 04/15/2011 - 10:49pm

Buy him a card. Don't bother telling him that it's all you can afford. Rather, you are simply carrying on the card-giving tradition he started.

Quit buying gifts for the skids. He will buy gifts if it's important to him.

Keep making your son feel special on his birthday. It will be appreciated.

cookiemonster08's picture

Submitted by cookiemonster08 on Sat, 04/16/2011 - 12:50pm

ITA. A card is all he would get from me. Maybe buy yourself a gift with the money you would spend on his. Not having money is one thing, not caring is completely different.

mombydefault's picture

Submitted by mombydefault on Fri, 04/22/2011 - 10:48pm

I would prefer a card and cheap flowers. DH gave me really nice jewelry on my bday. The nxt day he asked if I Get paid in a couple days. Two days later he asks to borrow money. He then wonders why I no longer want to go out. He even takes it a step further and tries to guilt trip me for not appreciating all his effort. This is the 2nd time he's asked me to borrow money after buying me gifts. I'd rather him buy something small he can afford.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Mon, 04/25/2011 - 11:12am

I think instead of tit for tat you should tell him how disappointed you were on your birthday and let him know that to you it is a special day. Don't give him a free pass. He should know that he hurt your feelings.