new life ,and forget about old one ?
Forums:
My girlfriend (that I soon want to marry and start a family) has a HUGE problem when I mention my ex or my kids when important milestones come up. She says that they have no room in our new life ,and should not be a factor in decisions in our new life that we are building together. She and my ex totally don't get along, but, she does get along with my kids when they come over. They are 8 and 10.She also stated that I sould not care what anyone will say or act if I really want a future with her. Any thoughts ?
Sounds like a self-centered
Sounds like a self-centered control freak. But, that's JMHO.
What important milestones?
What important milestones? How long have you been together? Could be a few reasons, one is that you are talking about your ex-family more than you realize and she feels insecure about her place in it, or, she may not be ready for steplife??? I hope it works out for both of you, best of luck!
Milestones like marriage and
Milestones like marriage and having a family. If I just mention anything about my past, she gets very angry and we fight. We have known each other over 30 years, but have only been living together for two.What do you mean steplife ?
Steplife, being with you and
Steplife, being with you and being around your children.
May I ask how old you both are? Was she married before? Does she have children from a previous marriage? She may feel like she doesn't have a solid loving place in your life. Does she get mad when you discuss your previous marriage or your marriage to her? Does she get upset when you discuss having a family with her, or how your family and she interact?
Sounds to me that your
Sounds to me that your intended has a maturity issue and a "Me" complex.
Though I can certainly understand and agree with her desire that your XW not have any say in your life together the kids certainly need to be considered and included in your lives going forward.
I have been "Dad" to our son (my SS-17) since he was 1yo. He is a integral part of our family and is a prime consideration for his mom and I in all of our decisions and activities.
However, our marriage comes first. He is a beneficiary of our strong marriage/relationship but he is not a party to it nor is he the priority in my wife's live. Our marriage is the priority in our lives.
Before I get papers with this one I would recommend that you sit down with her and have a clarity session with her on blended family life and on how the kids will be part of your lives together and will always be a prime consideration in our life togher.
I would also assure her that other than being the BM of your children your XW is just that your XW and not a part of your future with your intended.
It may also be good to point out that the relationship/marriage to your XW was part of what made you who you are.
Which apparently your intended finds appealing.
Good luck and best regards.
Wow Rags, I wish you taught a
Wow Rags, I wish you taught a class. My future DH would be the first to register. "He is a beneficiary of our strong marriage/relationship but he is not a party to it nor is he the priority in my wife's live. Our marriage is the priority in our lives." I think I shed a tear. What a lucky and loved family you have
.
Rags- I have to say that your
Rags- I have to say that your wife is VERY lucky to have you. I think that you are right. Children benefit when they see strong adult relationships.
To Pat -
You are trying to build a strong relationship with this new woman. She seems like an incredible woman who has accepted you kids. From your posts, it sounds like she has to put up with ALOT of drama that your ex is puting you through. Number one being that she tried to control you. She most likely sees how much this hurts you.
And yet, now you want her to be happily reminded with you about your old "milestones". She wants to start new memories with you.
If you want to reminise about the ex, then I would suggest you call up the ex and chat with her about the past. But chances are that she has moved on or is trying to. Perhaps you should too before the new gf becomes an ex.
I am SO sorry if this sounds harsh. And I am ONLY speaking from personal experience. I would constantly talk about my ex, who is a really great father. I had some good memories with him, and some really great memories of him and my children. We seperated when my eldest was 10. For those 10 years we generally did everything together as a family, and it was really nice.
BUT - does DH number 2 want to hear that - NOPE!!! And he has told me so. And so I have had to learn to stop. I have had to learn that we need to build our family together and build new memories.
It is hard - but it is a part of moving on.
Agree!!!
Agree!!!
Yes, but the BM needs to stay
Yes, but the BM needs to stay out of his new life. Kids are important, but BM is not.
So,Pat, you need to stop talking about your ex and focus on your new wife. Otherwise, she will run.