I grew up in a 50's household with parents who were Depression-era survivors. Food was a precious resource not to be wasted. Our dinner table was a battleground where " Clean up your plate!" was the battle cry and it was enforced with slaps from a flyswatter.
My 2 brothers and I made it through but my sister developed an unhealthy relationship with food and at her life's end, was a 65yo 300 lb, one-legged patient in a long term care facility. She had many chronic illnesses and many of them stemmed from her weight issues.
I believe that "clean up your plate" is obesity training since it teaches us not to listen to our own appetite and feeling of fullness. I know my parents loved my sister and never dreamed their practice would lead to her early death.
I grew up in the 80's and "clean your plate" was also pushed then as well... my sister often fell asleep at the table because she couldn't get up until her plate was clean... really awful!!! I encouraged my kids (now adults) to eat at LEAST a bite of everything on their plates. and of what they liked, they should eat a few bites at least. I never cared if the plate was CLEAN, as long as nothing was WASTED.
What I mean by wasted, was that it had to at least be TRIED (one bite minimum). If a child had sensory issues to a food, I would still ASK for them to at least try it, but not FORCE the matter. My daughter (who I STILL think has autism, even though the drs say she doesn't, but autism is more difficult to diagnose in females due to masking, but she has SEVERAL sensory issues with sound textures foods, has difficulty with social cues, etc) she has a sensory issue with green beans, so I try to not cook them, but my husband LIKES green beans, so occasionally I will cook them, and I offer (literally 3 on her plate) and ask that she tries 1 bite, she sometimes tries it, and will 100% of the time vomit, or sometimes she wont try it, and I am like "ok, that's fine" but the way I was raised does have a hold on me, because throwing the food away does make me feel a certain way, but i just tell myself, that was not the right way to do things. but it is hard.
My reaction to being raised in the "clean your plate" regimen was to not comment at all on what my bios ate. I cooked a variety of food, served them some, they ate what they wanted and that was it. They are both in their 50's and have no issues altho we all have a familial tendency to gain weight, as do my brothers, and all try to manage it. My sister's sad life and early death have been a big red flag showing what happens if we aren't vigilant.
My SKs had more limited palates and I'm sure my cooking was unfamiliar to them. Two of them had food fetishes. I did the same with them - served a variety and they ate what they chose. DH sometimes handed out fast food money (within walking distance).
I refuse to fight with kids about food. There are so many other issues. Lol.
Your way is probably better, I have had to learn to let go over the years, and unfortunetly it took a while, and my kids are grown now. but they seem to be ok. They look back on life and think I did a good job, but I do wonder if I had learned to let go before and not been so controling (which I wasn't overly controling) would it have made much of a difference? maybe, maybe not... I don't know. but like I said, they turned out fairly well, so I am not too woried about it
I think the other side of that coin is the 'certain foods are bad' mentality that leads to disordered eating in children. DH's SIL is a "vegetarian", but cooks meat and serves it to others, so I really think it's just a way to restrict her eating (she is very thin now, but not naturally that thin looking at older photos of her). She also comments on people's food choices, makes jokes about poeple being "fat" and has restricted what her children can eat. Now, both of her children (13 year old boy and 10 year old girl) seem to have disordered eating. The boy has to be "reminded" to eat and the girl has had at least 5 bone breaks (including a hip) in the time I've known her. She also basically eats white, bland food. We also regularly hear about how those two kids "weigh the same", both from the adults and the kids. I feel like this could go one of two ways for these kids - they restrict their eating or they start binging on "bad" foods. This likely won't happen until they are older, but it still points to parental influence.
Though it was associated with "Take what you want, but eat what you take." There were times when my eyes were bigger than my stomach.
I made it into my 20s without weight issues. I put on bout 40lbs during my 2.5 year toxic marriage to my XW. from age 23 to 26 I had taken it all off by the time I met my amazing bride a bit more than 3 years after the divorce was final.
I had put about 15 back on by the time we married 5mos after I graduated with my BS.
Adulthood was not kind to my weight and I have struggled with it on and off for pushing 30 years. I peaked at 308 5 years ago and dropped back down to 240 and have waffled between that an 277 over the past 5 years. I was 277 on June 26. I am currently on my way back down at 242.
Hopefully for good because at 58 losing it is a whole lot harder than it was in my late 20s.
I do have a metabolic condition that makes it difficult. T-1 diabetes since I was 16.
My kid is extremely fit. His mom and I coach him to never lose the plot. Once lost, it is hard to regain. If regained, it is difficult to retain.
IMHO of course.
Though I do generally believe that obese kids that are otherwise without metabolic conditions are often the result of failed parenting. A few of our nieces and our nephew on my IL clan side are very large and their parents allow them to put on the feed bag.
Parents can have an impact genetically, behavior/habitually. BUT.. would we blame a parent of an anorexic child and judge them in the same way we do an obese child? Both may have disordered eating..
An obese child also may have other issues that physically make their weight more difficult to manage.. as well.
I think at some age ranges.. where the parent has more total control over the child's nutrition.. perhaps there is more justification for holding them responsible.. but at a certain point.. they can't police every morsel going into the child's mouth or dictate each and every workout session.
I don't 100% agree with you. IF you don't HAVE the food at home, your child wont have access to the food.Yes, a friend may have that food, but having that food in moderation at a friend's house will not cause a child to be obese. even if your child had a peice of cake DAILY, if what you have at home, and send your kid to school with is HEALTHY, you child won't become obese.
example menu for the day
Breakfast : 2 over med eggs cooked with a spritz of avocado oil, whole grain toast with 1/8th avocado, srawberries cut up ontop of plain greek yogurt drizzled with honey and sprinkle of chia seeds.
Lunch: peanut butter and banana pinwheel on whole grain tortilla, apple slices, greek yogurt with granola and honey drizzle. carrot sticks and nonfat ranch
snack: apple with peanut butter to dip
(At friends house had a piece of cake)
Dinner: chicken Mole and whole grain torillas roasted baked potato
they could eat this DAILY and still not become obese, UNLESS THERE WAS A MEDICAL ISSUE which is what the OP was asking.
Again, I do agree, if the child was GORGING herself with sweets.
The younger the child.. the more control...obviously.. but what about in steplife where one household is better than the other at providing the better meals? Or where a child gets older and is able to buy choose their meals that occur outside the home more often.
Also... while it isn't impossible.. the kind of meal prep and planning may not be feasible for everyone... prepackaged foods may come into play.. eating out may come into play (where it's super hard to manage portions and calories.. even posted calories are often way off on menus). People may not have the time to prepare 3 healthy meals a day.. especially when both parents work. Plus, shopping more often to have fresh foods takes time too. Not saying it's not at all feasible for some people to do better.. but in a household where both adults work.. it can be difficult.
And.. honestly.. from experience.. I was raised in a house with very healthy foods like you describe.. you want to tell me how much I wanted pop tarts and other junky food I saw my classmates get? and advertised on TV? I carry extra weight now.. maybe because I didn't develope a healthy relationship with food.. guilty for eating bad.. so ate to make myself feel better.. no it doesn't make sense.. but it does..lol.
And.. actually one piece of cake a day.. can lead to obesity.. one piece of sheet cake with frosting.. about 530 calories.. x7 is 3710 calories a week x52 weeks a year 192,920/3500 calories for a pound of fat.. that is 55 pounds that could technically be gained.. 55 calories worth of pounds that may put someone in a higher category of weight... they may burn some.. but not all of that off.
But the excess can be insidious in other ways.. adding an extra pat of butter to bread.. or that 2nd slice at a meal or two. being sedentary.. (during school when you are at a desk all day)..
I'm not saying that parents don't have an impact.. or that the impact isn't greater when the kids are younger and more under their parent's control for meals.. but a 16 yo? they are likely not going to be as easy to manage.
Would it raise to the point of a CPS issue if the child is only moderately overweight? those ratings are "averages".. and not every child at that weight is actually unhealthy.. some people naturally carry more weight.. different muscle masses.
I will allow there is an issue with a 200 pound toddler when there is no health reason though..
If the child has a step family and one family provides junk, well that parent is responsible for that child being obese.
And yes, as the child gets older and can buy their own sweets and eat them outside the home, that I agree, that may not so much be the parent's fault. but is less likely to happen when the child was raised in a healthy food environment. they fell in love with the fruit as a young child, they will be more LIKELY to grab fruit than an healthy food choice. but, I interpreted the "child" the OP was suggesting to be a young child, not adolescent, but that was just my interpretation, I could be wrong.
If they are eating and playing (as parents should be advising them to do active play) that slice of cake (depending on the size of slice) shouldn't really be contributing to any weight gain, but that being said, I don't REALLY see anyone serving cake on that daily.
Children have a hard time being sedentary, as they have PE, and recess, which attributes to 1hr of active play per day, even if the rest of the day they are at a desk. Then I always instructed my kids (now adults) that before any screen time they are to go play actively for at least 30 minutes (30 min active play per 30 min screen time).
I am just speaking from my experiences in this, SD when with us during the summer (when she was much younger) would lose so much weight with us, that her clothes that she brought from BM's house were too big after 1 month, but she NEVER went hungry, I ALWAYS offered more food, it was the QUALITY of food she was eating. instead of cereal/poptarts for breakfast she had a HUGE breakfast that included ALL the food groups. and instead of a sandwhich and chips and a tall glass of milk, she had a HUGE lunch that included all the food groups. and instead of a little snack cake she had a fruit and a protien. and at dinner instead of simple carbs and fatty meat, a huge dinner that had all the food groups. she couldn't finish her food at any of the meals because there was so much, but she managed to lose the weight she'd packed on at BM's. This is only my experience, and BM had no underlying health issues, and I don't blame DH and BM, I ONLY blame BM.
I know that all children aren't the same, and SD at 17 is EXTREMELY obese, and her mom is convincing her that she has PCOS, even though after hormone checks, CTs, Ultrasounds, XRAYs all are clear, showing no indication of it, she's put her on so many different BC pills, like ever 2 months she switches which one's she's on, and changing doctors, all because she's not getting the answer she wants. Oh and for the longest she convinced SD that she had thyroid issues, but after blood tests and ultrasounds (several of them), it came back all clear as well... BM just doesn't want to be the reason SD is over 300lbs, but she is. I am also overweight, but I DO have thyroid issues, I am currently on 2 different pills (high doses of BOTH of them to try to get my thyroid normal... but it's still out of wack). and I GET not wanting to be the base of your kid's problem... but denying it isn't going to make it go away.
Not everybody has access to these types of foods. If all you have is dollar general to shop at, you might be picking frozen over fresh and limited to what is available. Also not everybody is taught proper nutrition or what you might consider proper nutrition. Background, heritage, and community can come into play as well. I highly doubt most parents raise their child hoping they will be obese or under nourished, but reality is we do have an eating and health disorder crisis in this country that is easy to slough off on the parents, when in reality a lot of it is coming from the products we are provided by the government and our local grocery stores. Food allergies are another topic that also can lead to issues. My child has a peanut allergy, so half of your menu could kill my kid…so I have to search for alternatives of nutrition that can satisfy an outdated food pyramid. School lunches are provided for all kids now, but most of the time the food is over processed and gross, for the kids who can’t afford to bring a bag lunch are stuck with what is provided by the school.
fresh is better than frozen, but canned is never the way to go, and if someone is so financially incapable to buy these options, government assistance is an option as well... I shop at 99 cent store and they have produce that is in GREAT shape. they have zucchini and onions, tomatoes that are in better condition that the big chain grocery stores.
My one menu item being peanut butter sould be substitued for ANY nut butter of your choice, or swap it out entirely for something you DO give your child. greek yogurt for dipping the apple, or the tortilla pinwheel with turkey and cheese.
That may have been the case years ago, but the nutrition of canned fruit and veggies is equal to fresh, and in some cases superior. Flash freezing has brought frozen into the same realm as well. Veggies that are picked and quickly processed have very high nutrients. And if they're cheaper, eating veggies is now a possibility.
Edited to add - obviously read the labels. The fruit should be packed in water, not syrup. The veggies should not have additional salt. Not hard to find.
I don't know how much I would live by what that page says, it also reccommends that you drink 100% juice and include that in your fruit/veggie intake, where juicing (even if you freshly juice it yourself) takes away sooooo much fiber and nutrients.
The closest grocery store to me is a 30 minute drive. The closest store is a Dollar General. No... I don't feed myself from there generally.. but there are a lot of people in my comunity that do.. they don't have the money or means to drive to the grocery store (can't put gas on your EBT card)... the only grocery store is a Food Lion.. fresh veg and fruit is a fairly limited variety.. but frozen vegetables are there too.. and yes.. you can eat a healthy diet from there.. if you know what to look for.
But.. not everyone is as educated and capable of making those "better" choices.. even on govt assistance.. there is often a tendency to buy the easier frozen pizza and chicken nuggest. No such thing as 99 cent anything there.. lol. Apples cost over 2 dollars a pound.. and that means one piece of fruit is a dollar or more..
And.. I was the kid only allowed "junk" as a rare treat (we got to pick a box of cereal on our birthday).. and I didn't develop a huge taste for fruits and vegetables.. sure, I like them fine.. but when I started having my own money as a kid I would buy junk and hide it in my room.. sometimes it just doesn't matter.. best of intentions be darned..lol.
piles of food to a young minor kid and facilitating them eating themselves into obesity and a parent of an anorexic child.
The parents of anorexics can't sit on them and force feed them.
Parents of obese minor children can limit types of food and quantities to define healthy eating parameters. Once the child reaches 18, the child's weight is theirs to manage.
For kids who do not have a metabolic issue. Those with metabolic issues, parents do not have the onus of total responsibility.
Of course there are a number of medical/physiological conditions that can impact obesity. Those can be beyond the influence of a parent and require medical treatment.
I agree the younger the child.. the more control the parents have.. so a 5 year old has less ability to eat food not procured by them.. by late elementary school age.. kids can have more latitude. But.. not everyone has the same access or knowledge (or even the ability to understand).. proper eating habits.. overweight kids of overweight parents probably have some combination of heredity/medical and environmental/home situation reasons for it.
And.. even on here.. you will get varying opinions on what's healthy.. what is even a healthy weight etc..
My point about the anorexia is that overeating issues also are eating disorders.. and people often seem so much more sympathetic to that disorder .. maybe due to the underlying admiration for thinness? vs the overweight kid who may be dealing with issues that are just as troubling and worthy of empathy.
and.. ultimately.. do we really want the govt taking too keen of an interest in the BMI of our kids.. .. where does that stop.. they start weighing all the kids in school.. start coming in our homes.. limiting what people can buy if their kid has an extra 20 lbs? it's a slippery slope.
I mean.. yes.. the 200 lb toddler? that is an extreme... perhaps that is worth looking at.. but I'm not going to advocate more involvement in our lives by the govt..lol.
I agree with obesity in some cases being an eating disorder on par with anorexia.
I struggle with weight. I also have a very specific way of eating to maintain health with my disease. Though not all neutritionist or medical professionals suppot what I know works, it is my disease not theirs.
So, meat, and green veg is what I hace to do. With extremely rare exeption. I have tons of data, medical tests, etc... that help me manage my eating. Without those.... I am a much fatter guy than I am.
Though I am shrinking. About 8Lbs a month at current loss rates.
I feel like yes, as long as there are no medical issues, YES! Keep ALL sugary drinks out of your home, a CHILD should not have sodas or juice unless on specail occasions. Only have whole grain bread, whole grain pasta, brown rice, quinoa. Once the child is over the age of 3 skim milk (IF YOU MUST HAVE MILK), there are other ways to get your vitmin D and calcium. Cook fresh/frozen veg or serve raw fresh veg. Serve healthy fresh fruits and veggies at EVERY meal. no prepackaged meals. try making your own seasoning blends (more affordable and you can manage how much sodium you are feeding your family). Cook with LESS oil, do not fry foods. DO NOT EAT AT FAST FOOD!
Raising your child in an enviroment will make them more likely to WANT these types of foods later on in life. they wont want greasy fried/salty foods. So my answer will be: YES, unless there are underlying health issues, a parent is to blame for an obese child (IMO)
very heavy children. When we eat at their home it is invariably a pile of pasta or a pile of mashed potatoes, or a pile of rice, etc.... A serving according to the nutrition lable on pasta is a cup. Her kids eat 8 or more cups in a meal. This started when the kids were 8-ish and has gone on for nearly 10 years. Our 10yo neice weighs about 175 and is not a large girl. She is just plain fat. For no other reason than her parents let her eat piles of carbs and do not control what or how much she eats.
As for what constitutes healthy eating. Generally, leafy green veg and animal proteins. Neither of those make you fat. The only thing that metabolically can turn to body fat is blood glucose and that primarily comes from carbohydrates. Sugars, rice, corn, potatoes and wheat based products, and starchy grains.
For me, carbs are like crack. The endorphins caused by carb consumption are extremely challenging to resist. So for me, I just don't eat them beyond what is in meat and low carb/low glycemic index foods at a background level.
So, I do not eat rsugars of any type (table, corn syrup, agave nector, honey, maple syrup, etc......) and I do not eat rice, corn, potatoes, or wheat based products (pasta, baked goods, etc..). I also generally do not eat grains of any kind. No Oats, barley, quinua, etc. Nor do I eat beans other than greed.. I have tons of data on whaI different foods do to my blood glucose. 41 years of being a T-1 diabetic builds that data and related knowledge.
The only thing that can turn to body fat is blood glucose and that is derived primarily from high carbohydrate foods. Animal proteins (fish, poultry, pork, beef, etc...) and fats do not generally convert to blood glucose and as such, do not inherently cause obeasity. han
When I stick to the protein and greens model, I melt off weight like crazy. When I lose the plot, I gain weight. All else remaining primarily equal.
With the advent of CGM and closed loop insulin pump technologies I can now identify hidden carbs in prepared dishes quickly enough to prevent major BG spikes. From a diabetis perspective nothing is more infuriating to me than restaurants putting sugar in a dish that shouldnt have it. The most infuriating example is meat marinades. They turn what should be a tasty healthy meal component into a sugar bomb.
Grrrrrr!
An evolutionary direction we have gone is that about the only thing we can eat out at restaurants without worrying about hidden carbs is sashimi. Which fotunately we both enjoy.
I completely agree. I do not restrict carbs in my house, but we eat HEALTHY carbs. and we eat the normal serving. if anyone gets seconds it's ok, I don't freak, but they are whole grain, and I only cooked enough for everyone to get a second serving. it's still not enough to hurt anything. but SD always finds a way. I cooked 4 cups of rice with the intentions to make fried rice the next day (cooked in olive oil, soy sauce, sesame oil, with eggs, carrots, and peas) The next day I saw a greasy tupperware in the sink and an entire stick of butter GONE... and no rice to be found. she ate 4 cups of rice DROWNED in butter... that was after a HUGE dinner. this isnt' the first time she's eaten an extreme amount of food. On someone's birthday, DH bought cupcakes, and there were 4 left after everyone had 1, we were going to save the 4 left for a desert after dinner the next night. well, SD ate ALL 4 of them after everyone went to bed. And at BM's it's worse, because she KEEPS junk food. one time when she came home from school at BM's she ate her brother's ENTIRE birthday cake. She's eaten an ENTIRE bag of her step dad's sour patch kids (one of those LARGE bags that are like BULK sized) she eats ENTIRE boxes of poptarts in 1 sitting, same with nutrigrain bars. ALL these instances are at her BM's house.
I did not make it clear in my OP the general age range of the kids in question.
I am thinking single digits and early double digitsif there are no mitigating metabolic factors, parents own the fat kid in their home from a responsibility perspective. After food becomes a social influence when kids hit their mid teens, the ability of a parent to own their child's weight becomes increasingly limited. IMHO.
Sometimes
I grew up in a 50's household with parents who were Depression-era survivors. Food was a precious resource not to be wasted. Our dinner table was a battleground where " Clean up your plate!" was the battle cry and it was enforced with slaps from a flyswatter.
My 2 brothers and I made it through but my sister developed an unhealthy relationship with food and at her life's end, was a 65yo 300 lb, one-legged patient in a long term care facility. She had many chronic illnesses and many of them stemmed from her weight issues.
I believe that "clean up your plate" is obesity training since it teaches us not to listen to our own appetite and feeling of fullness. I know my parents loved my sister and never dreamed their practice would lead to her early death.
I grew up in the 80's and
I grew up in the 80's and "clean your plate" was also pushed then as well... my sister often fell asleep at the table because she couldn't get up until her plate was clean... really awful!!! I encouraged my kids (now adults) to eat at LEAST a bite of everything on their plates. and of what they liked, they should eat a few bites at least. I never cared if the plate was CLEAN, as long as nothing was WASTED.
What I mean by wasted, was that it had to at least be TRIED (one bite minimum). If a child had sensory issues to a food, I would still ASK for them to at least try it, but not FORCE the matter. My daughter (who I STILL think has autism, even though the drs say she doesn't, but autism is more difficult to diagnose in females due to masking, but she has SEVERAL sensory issues with sound textures foods, has difficulty with social cues, etc) she has a sensory issue with green beans, so I try to not cook them, but my husband LIKES green beans, so occasionally I will cook them, and I offer (literally 3 on her plate) and ask that she tries 1 bite, she sometimes tries it, and will 100% of the time vomit, or sometimes she wont try it, and I am like "ok, that's fine" but the way I was raised does have a hold on me, because throwing the food away does make me feel a certain way, but i just tell myself, that was not the right way to do things. but it is hard.
My reaction
My reaction to being raised in the "clean your plate" regimen was to not comment at all on what my bios ate. I cooked a variety of food, served them some, they ate what they wanted and that was it. They are both in their 50's and have no issues altho we all have a familial tendency to gain weight, as do my brothers, and all try to manage it. My sister's sad life and early death have been a big red flag showing what happens if we aren't vigilant.
My SKs had more limited palates and I'm sure my cooking was unfamiliar to them. Two of them had food fetishes. I did the same with them - served a variety and they ate what they chose. DH sometimes handed out fast food money (within walking distance).
I refuse to fight with kids about food. There are so many other issues. Lol.
Your way is probably better,
Your way is probably better, I have had to learn to let go over the years, and unfortunetly it took a while, and my kids are grown now. but they seem to be ok. They look back on life and think I did a good job, but I do wonder if I had learned to let go before and not been so controling (which I wasn't overly controling) would it have made much of a difference? maybe, maybe not... I don't know. but like I said, they turned out fairly well, so I am not too woried about it
I think the other side of
I think the other side of that coin is the 'certain foods are bad' mentality that leads to disordered eating in children. DH's SIL is a "vegetarian", but cooks meat and serves it to others, so I really think it's just a way to restrict her eating (she is very thin now, but not naturally that thin looking at older photos of her). She also comments on people's food choices, makes jokes about poeple being "fat" and has restricted what her children can eat. Now, both of her children (13 year old boy and 10 year old girl) seem to have disordered eating. The boy has to be "reminded" to eat and the girl has had at least 5 bone breaks (including a hip) in the time I've known her. She also basically eats white, bland food. We also regularly hear about how those two kids "weigh the same", both from the adults and the kids. I feel like this could go one of two ways for these kids - they restrict their eating or they start binging on "bad" foods. This likely won't happen until they are older, but it still points to parental influence.
I was raised to clean my plate as well.
Though it was associated with "Take what you want, but eat what you take." There were times when my eyes were bigger than my stomach.
I made it into my 20s without weight issues. I put on bout 40lbs during my 2.5 year toxic marriage to my XW. from age 23 to 26 I had taken it all off by the time I met my amazing bride a bit more than 3 years after the divorce was final.
I had put about 15 back on by the time we married 5mos after I graduated with my BS.
Adulthood was not kind to my weight and I have struggled with it on and off for pushing 30 years. I peaked at 308 5 years ago and dropped back down to 240 and have waffled between that an 277 over the past 5 years. I was 277 on June 26. I am currently on my way back down at 242.
Hopefully for good because at 58 losing it is a whole lot harder than it was in my late 20s.
I do have a metabolic condition that makes it difficult. T-1 diabetes since I was 16.
My kid is extremely fit. His mom and I coach him to never lose the plot. Once lost, it is hard to regain. If regained, it is difficult to retain.
IMHO of course.
Though I do generally believe that obese kids that are otherwise without metabolic conditions are often the result of failed parenting. A few of our nieces and our nephew on my IL clan side are very large and their parents allow them to put on the feed bag.
Parents can have an impact
Parents can have an impact genetically, behavior/habitually. BUT.. would we blame a parent of an anorexic child and judge them in the same way we do an obese child? Both may have disordered eating..
An obese child also may have other issues that physically make their weight more difficult to manage.. as well.
I think at some age ranges.. where the parent has more total control over the child's nutrition.. perhaps there is more justification for holding them responsible.. but at a certain point.. they can't police every morsel going into the child's mouth or dictate each and every workout session.
I don't 100% agree with you.
I don't 100% agree with you. IF you don't HAVE the food at home, your child wont have access to the food.Yes, a friend may have that food, but having that food in moderation at a friend's house will not cause a child to be obese. even if your child had a peice of cake DAILY, if what you have at home, and send your kid to school with is HEALTHY, you child won't become obese.
example menu for the day
Breakfast : 2 over med eggs cooked with a spritz of avocado oil, whole grain toast with 1/8th avocado, srawberries cut up ontop of plain greek yogurt drizzled with honey and sprinkle of chia seeds.
Lunch: peanut butter and banana pinwheel on whole grain tortilla, apple slices, greek yogurt with granola and honey drizzle. carrot sticks and nonfat ranch
snack: apple with peanut butter to dip
(At friends house had a piece of cake)
Dinner: chicken Mole and whole grain torillas roasted baked potato
they could eat this DAILY and still not become obese, UNLESS THERE WAS A MEDICAL ISSUE which is what the OP was asking.
Again, I do agree, if the child was GORGING herself with sweets.
The younger the child.. the
The younger the child.. the more control...obviously.. but what about in steplife where one household is better than the other at providing the better meals? Or where a child gets older and is able to buy choose their meals that occur outside the home more often.
Also... while it isn't impossible.. the kind of meal prep and planning may not be feasible for everyone... prepackaged foods may come into play.. eating out may come into play (where it's super hard to manage portions and calories.. even posted calories are often way off on menus). People may not have the time to prepare 3 healthy meals a day.. especially when both parents work. Plus, shopping more often to have fresh foods takes time too. Not saying it's not at all feasible for some people to do better.. but in a household where both adults work.. it can be difficult.
And.. honestly.. from experience.. I was raised in a house with very healthy foods like you describe.. you want to tell me how much I wanted pop tarts and other junky food I saw my classmates get? and advertised on TV? I carry extra weight now.. maybe because I didn't develope a healthy relationship with food.. guilty for eating bad.. so ate to make myself feel better.. no it doesn't make sense.. but it does..lol.
And.. actually one piece of cake a day.. can lead to obesity.. one piece of sheet cake with frosting.. about 530 calories.. x7 is 3710 calories a week x52 weeks a year 192,920/3500 calories for a pound of fat.. that is 55 pounds that could technically be gained.. 55 calories worth of pounds that may put someone in a higher category of weight... they may burn some.. but not all of that off.
But the excess can be insidious in other ways.. adding an extra pat of butter to bread.. or that 2nd slice at a meal or two. being sedentary.. (during school when you are at a desk all day)..
I'm not saying that parents don't have an impact.. or that the impact isn't greater when the kids are younger and more under their parent's control for meals.. but a 16 yo? they are likely not going to be as easy to manage.
Would it raise to the point of a CPS issue if the child is only moderately overweight? those ratings are "averages".. and not every child at that weight is actually unhealthy.. some people naturally carry more weight.. different muscle masses.
I will allow there is an issue with a 200 pound toddler when there is no health reason though..
If the child has a step
If the child has a step family and one family provides junk, well that parent is responsible for that child being obese.
And yes, as the child gets older and can buy their own sweets and eat them outside the home, that I agree, that may not so much be the parent's fault. but is less likely to happen when the child was raised in a healthy food environment. they fell in love with the fruit as a young child, they will be more LIKELY to grab fruit than an healthy food choice. but, I interpreted the "child" the OP was suggesting to be a young child, not adolescent, but that was just my interpretation, I could be wrong.
If they are eating and playing (as parents should be advising them to do active play) that slice of cake (depending on the size of slice) shouldn't really be contributing to any weight gain, but that being said, I don't REALLY see anyone serving cake on that daily.
Children have a hard time being sedentary, as they have PE, and recess, which attributes to 1hr of active play per day, even if the rest of the day they are at a desk. Then I always instructed my kids (now adults) that before any screen time they are to go play actively for at least 30 minutes (30 min active play per 30 min screen time).
I am just speaking from my experiences in this, SD when with us during the summer (when she was much younger) would lose so much weight with us, that her clothes that she brought from BM's house were too big after 1 month, but she NEVER went hungry, I ALWAYS offered more food, it was the QUALITY of food she was eating. instead of cereal/poptarts for breakfast she had a HUGE breakfast that included ALL the food groups. and instead of a sandwhich and chips and a tall glass of milk, she had a HUGE lunch that included all the food groups. and instead of a little snack cake she had a fruit and a protien. and at dinner instead of simple carbs and fatty meat, a huge dinner that had all the food groups. she couldn't finish her food at any of the meals because there was so much, but she managed to lose the weight she'd packed on at BM's. This is only my experience, and BM had no underlying health issues, and I don't blame DH and BM, I ONLY blame BM.
I know that all children aren't the same, and SD at 17 is EXTREMELY obese, and her mom is convincing her that she has PCOS, even though after hormone checks, CTs, Ultrasounds, XRAYs all are clear, showing no indication of it, she's put her on so many different BC pills, like ever 2 months she switches which one's she's on, and changing doctors, all because she's not getting the answer she wants. Oh and for the longest she convinced SD that she had thyroid issues, but after blood tests and ultrasounds (several of them), it came back all clear as well... BM just doesn't want to be the reason SD is over 300lbs, but she is. I am also overweight, but I DO have thyroid issues, I am currently on 2 different pills (high doses of BOTH of them to try to get my thyroid normal... but it's still out of wack). and I GET not wanting to be the base of your kid's problem... but denying it isn't going to make it go away.
Not everybody has access to
Not everybody has access to these types of foods. If all you have is dollar general to shop at, you might be picking frozen over fresh and limited to what is available. Also not everybody is taught proper nutrition or what you might consider proper nutrition. Background, heritage, and community can come into play as well. I highly doubt most parents raise their child hoping they will be obese or under nourished, but reality is we do have an eating and health disorder crisis in this country that is easy to slough off on the parents, when in reality a lot of it is coming from the products we are provided by the government and our local grocery stores. Food allergies are another topic that also can lead to issues. My child has a peanut allergy, so half of your menu could kill my kid…so I have to search for alternatives of nutrition that can satisfy an outdated food pyramid. School lunches are provided for all kids now, but most of the time the food is over processed and gross, for the kids who can’t afford to bring a bag lunch are stuck with what is provided by the school.
fresh is better than frozen,
fresh is better than frozen, but canned is never the way to go, and if someone is so financially incapable to buy these options, government assistance is an option as well... I shop at 99 cent store and they have produce that is in GREAT shape. they have zucchini and onions, tomatoes that are in better condition that the big chain grocery stores.
My one menu item being peanut butter sould be substitued for ANY nut butter of your choice, or swap it out entirely for something you DO give your child. greek yogurt for dipping the apple, or the tortilla pinwheel with turkey and cheese.
NOPE! Canned=Fresh
That may have been the case years ago, but the nutrition of canned fruit and veggies is equal to fresh, and in some cases superior. Flash freezing has brought frozen into the same realm as well. Veggies that are picked and quickly processed have very high nutrients. And if they're cheaper, eating veggies is now a possibility.
https://fruitsandveggies.org/stories/about-the-buzz-frozen-and-canned-fr....
Edited to add - obviously read the labels. The fruit should be packed in water, not syrup. The veggies should not have additional salt. Not hard to find.
I don't know how much I would
I don't know how much I would live by what that page says, it also reccommends that you drink 100% juice and include that in your fruit/veggie intake, where juicing (even if you freshly juice it yourself) takes away sooooo much fiber and nutrients.
The closest grocery store to
The closest grocery store to me is a 30 minute drive. The closest store is a Dollar General. No... I don't feed myself from there generally.. but there are a lot of people in my comunity that do.. they don't have the money or means to drive to the grocery store (can't put gas on your EBT card)... the only grocery store is a Food Lion.. fresh veg and fruit is a fairly limited variety.. but frozen vegetables are there too.. and yes.. you can eat a healthy diet from there.. if you know what to look for.
But.. not everyone is as educated and capable of making those "better" choices.. even on govt assistance.. there is often a tendency to buy the easier frozen pizza and chicken nuggest. No such thing as 99 cent anything there.. lol. Apples cost over 2 dollars a pound.. and that means one piece of fruit is a dollar or more..
And.. I was the kid only allowed "junk" as a rare treat (we got to pick a box of cereal on our birthday).. and I didn't develop a huge taste for fruits and vegetables.. sure, I like them fine.. but when I started having my own money as a kid I would buy junk and hide it in my room.. sometimes it just doesn't matter.. best of intentions be darned..lol.
IMHO there is a big difference between a parent providing
piles of food to a young minor kid and facilitating them eating themselves into obesity and a parent of an anorexic child.
The parents of anorexics can't sit on them and force feed them.
Parents of obese minor children can limit types of food and quantities to define healthy eating parameters. Once the child reaches 18, the child's weight is theirs to manage.
For kids who do not have a metabolic issue. Those with metabolic issues, parents do not have the onus of total responsibility.
Of course there are a number of medical/physiological conditions that can impact obesity. Those can be beyond the influence of a parent and require medical treatment.
I agree the younger the child
I agree the younger the child.. the more control the parents have.. so a 5 year old has less ability to eat food not procured by them.. by late elementary school age.. kids can have more latitude. But.. not everyone has the same access or knowledge (or even the ability to understand).. proper eating habits.. overweight kids of overweight parents probably have some combination of heredity/medical and environmental/home situation reasons for it.
And.. even on here.. you will get varying opinions on what's healthy.. what is even a healthy weight etc..
My point about the anorexia is that overeating issues also are eating disorders.. and people often seem so much more sympathetic to that disorder .. maybe due to the underlying admiration for thinness? vs the overweight kid who may be dealing with issues that are just as troubling and worthy of empathy.
and.. ultimately.. do we really want the govt taking too keen of an interest in the BMI of our kids.. .. where does that stop.. they start weighing all the kids in school.. start coming in our homes.. limiting what people can buy if their kid has an extra 20 lbs? it's a slippery slope.
I mean.. yes.. the 200 lb toddler? that is an extreme... perhaps that is worth looking at.. but I'm not going to advocate more involvement in our lives by the govt..lol.
Absolutely no to Gov't interferance in parenting
I agree with obesity in some cases being an eating disorder on par with anorexia.
I struggle with weight. I also have a very specific way of eating to maintain health with my disease. Though not all neutritionist or medical professionals suppot what I know works, it is my disease not theirs.
So, meat, and green veg is what I hace to do. With extremely rare exeption. I have tons of data, medical tests, etc... that help me manage my eating. Without those.... I am a much fatter guy than I am.
Though I am shrinking. About 8Lbs a month at current loss rates.
It is a tough topic.
Thanks for your perspective.
I feel like yes, as long as
I feel like yes, as long as there are no medical issues, YES! Keep ALL sugary drinks out of your home, a CHILD should not have sodas or juice unless on specail occasions. Only have whole grain bread, whole grain pasta, brown rice, quinoa. Once the child is over the age of 3 skim milk (IF YOU MUST HAVE MILK), there are other ways to get your vitmin D and calcium. Cook fresh/frozen veg or serve raw fresh veg. Serve healthy fresh fruits and veggies at EVERY meal. no prepackaged meals. try making your own seasoning blends (more affordable and you can manage how much sodium you are feeding your family). Cook with LESS oil, do not fry foods. DO NOT EAT AT FAST FOOD!
Raising your child in an enviroment will make them more likely to WANT these types of foods later on in life. they wont want greasy fried/salty foods. So my answer will be: YES, unless there are underlying health issues, a parent is to blame for an obese child (IMO)
The primary reason for raising this topic is my SIL and her
very heavy children. When we eat at their home it is invariably a pile of pasta or a pile of mashed potatoes, or a pile of rice, etc.... A serving according to the nutrition lable on pasta is a cup. Her kids eat 8 or more cups in a meal. This started when the kids were 8-ish and has gone on for nearly 10 years. Our 10yo neice weighs about 175 and is not a large girl. She is just plain fat. For no other reason than her parents let her eat piles of carbs and do not control what or how much she eats.
As for what constitutes healthy eating. Generally, leafy green veg and animal proteins. Neither of those make you fat. The only thing that metabolically can turn to body fat is blood glucose and that primarily comes from carbohydrates. Sugars, rice, corn, potatoes and wheat based products, and starchy grains.
For me, carbs are like crack. The endorphins caused by carb consumption are extremely challenging to resist. So for me, I just don't eat them beyond what is in meat and low carb/low glycemic index foods at a background level.
So, I do not eat rsugars of any type (table, corn syrup, agave nector, honey, maple syrup, etc......) and I do not eat rice, corn, potatoes, or wheat based products (pasta, baked goods, etc..). I also generally do not eat grains of any kind. No Oats, barley, quinua, etc. Nor do I eat beans other than greed.. I have tons of data on whaI different foods do to my blood glucose. 41 years of being a T-1 diabetic builds that data and related knowledge.
The only thing that can turn to body fat is blood glucose and that is derived primarily from high carbohydrate foods. Animal proteins (fish, poultry, pork, beef, etc...) and fats do not generally convert to blood glucose and as such, do not inherently cause obeasity. han
When I stick to the protein and greens model, I melt off weight like crazy. When I lose the plot, I gain weight. All else remaining primarily equal.
With the advent of CGM and closed loop insulin pump technologies I can now identify hidden carbs in prepared dishes quickly enough to prevent major BG spikes. From a diabetis perspective nothing is more infuriating to me than restaurants putting sugar in a dish that shouldnt have it. The most infuriating example is meat marinades. They turn what should be a tasty healthy meal component into a sugar bomb.
Grrrrrr!
An evolutionary direction we have gone is that about the only thing we can eat out at restaurants without worrying about hidden carbs is sashimi. Which fotunately we both enjoy.
Sorry to blow up the word count.
I completely agree. I do not
I completely agree. I do not restrict carbs in my house, but we eat HEALTHY carbs. and we eat the normal serving. if anyone gets seconds it's ok, I don't freak, but they are whole grain, and I only cooked enough for everyone to get a second serving. it's still not enough to hurt anything. but SD always finds a way. I cooked 4 cups of rice with the intentions to make fried rice the next day (cooked in olive oil, soy sauce, sesame oil, with eggs, carrots, and peas) The next day I saw a greasy tupperware in the sink and an entire stick of butter GONE... and no rice to be found. she ate 4 cups of rice DROWNED in butter... that was after a HUGE dinner. this isnt' the first time she's eaten an extreme amount of food. On someone's birthday, DH bought cupcakes, and there were 4 left after everyone had 1, we were going to save the 4 left for a desert after dinner the next night. well, SD ate ALL 4 of them after everyone went to bed. And at BM's it's worse, because she KEEPS junk food. one time when she came home from school at BM's she ate her brother's ENTIRE birthday cake. She's eaten an ENTIRE bag of her step dad's sour patch kids (one of those LARGE bags that are like BULK sized) she eats ENTIRE boxes of poptarts in 1 sitting, same with nutrigrain bars. ALL these instances are at her BM's house.
I am happy that there are no medical issues for your family.
My passion for this topic is due to my nearly 42 years as a T-1 diabetic.
I do not wish this disease or any disease similar to it on anyone.
I hope your SD can avoid the consequences of her eating choices/issues.
Touchy subject
Goes to a larger category of what can balme parents for?
Is the child obese? Are they 2? 10? 16? 25? 45?
Was the child a mass murderer? Are they 2? 10? 16? 25? 45?
I think the best that parents can do is model good behavior and habits. Once the child grows ... we'll other forces are at work as well.
I don't think the answer is black and white. It depends.
It does most definately depend.
I agree with you completely,
I did not make it clear in my OP the general age range of the kids in question.
I am thinking single digits and early double digitsif there are no mitigating metabolic factors, parents own the fat kid in their home from a responsibility perspective. After food becomes a social influence when kids hit their mid teens, the ability of a parent to own their child's weight becomes increasingly limited. IMHO.