Meeting NEW ADULT STEP CHILDRED CHRISTMAS HELP!!!
Hello, I found this site today. And need some help. I am going to meet my soon to be step children "Christmas" The adult children ages 27-38 are from two marriages. Two from each youngest ladies, older ones men. The children do not know me or anything about me. We have kept our relationship very quiet and plan on having a life together, after many years of dating. I will be moving into his home,the date is set for 2010.
I have been involved with their father for several years now.( NOT THE CAUSE OF HIS DIVORCE) He was involved with another woman, before me who the children hated,(7 years) and he has been divorced 13yrs. Everyone hated the old girl friend, even her own family. she apparently had mental or emotional issues. And couldn't get along with anyone. And tried to come between him and his children.
She was very jealous of money dad spent on the kids. And was extremely manipulative. She has been out of the picture a very short while.
I dated him when he lived in My State. And we resumed our relationship,once we both realized we were deeply in love with each other and couldn't live without each other. And have taken our time in building the relationship. We plan on marriage in two years.
Anyway I am very excited to meet my significant others adult children.
The plan: he is inviting them to his home, Christmas. I will be there. I live in another state and have been going back and forth , as well as he has.
How do I approach these children, who have been, more or less, out of dads life...due to the last lady? Before she was in the picture...Dad spent a lot of time with his children and he loves and adores them, as they do him. They had a very close relationship, even after his "divorce".
Now along comes "ME" I am very different then any woman he has dated, he says, and only the second woman he has truly loved in his life, besides the second wife.
He was extremely wealthy, until the last gold digger got hold of him and the children knew she was in fact a gold digger.
I love this man, whether he was broke or rich, And could care less about money..Anyway with the Stock market crash he is now living normally finacially. So in a way that's a good thing,
I don't want the adult children to THINK or ASSUME I love him for money, which I'm afraid they will due to the last one. How do I go about welcoming these children into my/our Life. ?? Honesty and openly. I would like our relationship to start off on a good foot !!
Is there anything anyone can suggest? I am the surprise this Christmas!
I am planning a Christmas Dinner for all of us..and will be introduced 
He is 66 ,I am 56 and the children range from 27D, 29 D.34 S.38 S
My children have met him and know him well, and love him. Ages 37 , 33, 33 all daughters., they are extremely excited also to meet the step brothers & sisters & to welcome them into our Lives...they will meet his adult children this Spring !!
Please give me some IDEAS..Thanks SO Much!
"I am the surprise this
"I am the surprise this Christmas!" Do the kds know that you that he is dating you?
sus NO they do NOT knowme
sus NO they do NOT knowme or anything about me YET!
Surprises aren't good! We
Surprises aren't good! We got married at a justice of the peace and didn't invite any of my husband's children to come. He said it would ruin "our day" and he was right. A few days later when he told OSD about it, she posted on her younger brother's myspace comments that "Dad had gotten married on Saturday, what a winner!" describing me. She was 30 at the time too! My DH and his firstborn son haven't spoken in 3.5 years and I will meet this SS who is 29 and his family at OSD's Christmas party on December 12th. OSD has come around but it took a while. I can't imagine if our relationship was a secret for years what they would do. Now I am the extreme case because I have six grown stepchildren and my husband only inherited my 9 year old son. DH got off easy compared to me--no ex-husband drama (deceased), my in-laws from 1st marriage all live out of state and rarely visit, etc. I'm not so sure I would want the Christmas before I married to go down in a bad way as it would make me hesitate to take vows. I knew certain of the children didn't approve but their father, my DH, basically told them if they don't accept me, we are a package deal and it would affect his relationship with them as well. In other words, be happy for me or I'll distance myself from you. You don't have to like my wife but you will accept her and respect her. And yes, I'm ony 8.5 years older than my husband's firstborn child.
I would do some serious thinking beforehand as Christmas is a HUGE deal for my family. When we see my side of the family it's all aunts, uncles, cousins, our children (the great grandkids), etc. I wouldn't want to be the gossip of the evening behind closed doors, but that's just me.
Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.
sus, This is just my
sus, This is just my opinion, but I think the plan is a huge mistake. Dad needs to be a man, step up to the plate and lay it out for them before Christmas. Christmas could be ruined by an event like this and do you two want this kind of memory. It will be hard for them and they need to be prepared for what is going to happen.
I second and third this!!
I second and third this!! I'm sure you are a wonderful person and are hoping that, because the "last one" was a total loser that they will embrace you as the perfect woman for their dad.
Although I hope for your sake that happens, I would just encourage you to be realistic. If they "disliked" the last one, they may dislike EVERY one of dad's friends.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Sus- We are still talking
Sus- We are still talking and planning. But that is a good idea.Him telling them they will meet me. I know all the kids are ready to come. They haven't had Christmas together in over 13 years. So it shall be a exciting Christmas for all of us.
The oldest has lived out west a very long time. So its only been 3 kids and that was about 5 yrs ago, from what I recall him telling me, he was with the last lady then and had Christmas at the oldest daughters home.
The daughter even invited his ex wife , which he didn't know about. And he told me he felt uncomfortable due to having the ex there and the Witch ( gold digger)LOL
He told me she was the Biggest mistake he ever made in his life. (Ms Gold)
That's the one the kids HATE.
I will cook. I am an excellent chef and can make anything. I plan on a sit down, Formal Dinner and a beautifully set table. With the works and making one thing for each adult child,their favorite !
I also have things planned for the(5)grand children.ages 5-8..4 girls one boy. I made each grandchild their own apron and chef hats and embroidered their names them,( worked on them for past few months) and hope to have them baking a long side grandpa and I. Probably cookies or desserts.
I have token gifts(6) for each, daughters, the sons and & in laws.(spouses)
I am prepared. Just very excited. I feel like I've known them for years already. Well actually I have through daddy!!
Thanks, Sus
Best of Luck, Sus. I hope
Best of Luck, Sus. I hope you will post the story of how things went at the dinner; we're all hoping it works out for you. I personally will say a prayer.