Step daughter Behaviour
I am fairly new to the step mom role. I need some advice.
I have a wonderful SD. I have watched her mature over the last three years...she is only 5 1/2 but since her new brother has come along (our son) she has stopped focusing on herself and expecting everyone else to. Infact if you had asked me two years ago could I do this ...I would have said no way. She threw tantrums everytime the spot light was off her. She no longer does this and is a joy to be with.
My problem is this..and maybe it is normal.....her mother focus so much on looks thatI fear it is rubbing off on my SD. Biomom doesn't have much else going on. She will cry when her hair gets messy, she crys if her shoes get dirty, if her is not colour coordinated....she will ask us if she is pretty. When I tell my son that I love him (he's a baby) she will always ask if I love her...and of course I do. I just sense such an insecurity in her. I worry because I know that we have it tough as ladies and to feel that way at five scares me.
I don't have experience with this so maybe it is just normal. I doubt it has to do with the divorce, she was just one and a half but who knows.
Thoughts on this?
Some girls are just girly girls
Some girls are just more...'girly girls' (every little girl wants to look pretty)
..but she shouldn't bo too obsessed with her looks....
People who derrive thier self-esteem based only on thier 'looks' tend to be unhappy souls on the inside. (It also breeds anorexia..etc)
I was a cute kid and got alot of compliments on my 'looks' but I also got alot of compliments on other qualities..especially from one aunt in particular whose opinion I very much respected. She ALWAYS praised my intelligence and my kindness...which made those qualities more important than looks to me!
I mean...I'm just a kid...and this very successful, attractive, older, wiser woman, could see those things in ME? and valued those things so much??? WOW, they must be important cause she turned out so great...
You can be THAT VIP WOMAN in this childs life......
(She really had a significant impact on my life....)
We have the same problem
We have the same problem with SD5 and it is also b/c of her mothers materialism and focus on looks…she’s 5 years old and is all about name brand and what she wears…my mom said I had to wear XYZ and will CRY and throw a fit if you don’t let her…she compares herself to her sister often in an ‘I’m better than you” sort of way that we don’t like and it is b/c of the values (or lack there of) that mom instills. She isn’t trying to be mean and it makes me sad for her b/c she will treat her playmates like gum on the bottom of her shoe (that is how she sees her mom treat people/talk to people/talk about people) and then she is genuinely hurt when she comes inside b/c they won’t play with her or start to exclude her…I try to say “you cannot treat people that way and expect them to be nice to you” but she HONESTLY doesn’t get it! I agree with lovin-life that we have to try to shift the focus as best we can whenever possible!
Make a GREAT Day!
tyra
i have a 5 yr old daughter turning 6 this month... your problem could be a combination of things. you need to tell this child that perfect looks does not matter and it is not the most important thing in the world. tell her it's okay that things get messy a little, just fix it again and all is okay. it could be that she is tired, hungry, bored or jealous of new baby to explain her actions. if she is a perfectionist then getting messy hair is a normal reaction to how she is reacting. just make sure you spend equal time w/her and your son, if you are focusing on your son at the time, then invite SD to get involve in what you are doing, like washing the baby, changing diaper or whatever, include SD and she'll a lot better that she is not isolated...get her involved.
-happy mom