While I'll agree that OP'S SD certainly has been acting the obnoxious bratass, she didn't deserve to have some idiot stranger be so cruel. Unless SD made the correction in a nasty deliberately insulting way (which OP did not indicate), the SD was not being nor trying to be rude. She merely corrected the mistaken other child. The 'pretty' lady kid was complimenting isn't her mother, it's her SM. There's nothing wrong, rude or offensive in what SD replied.

The new community adult male, on the other hand, was a unthinking (or deliberate) rude horse's behind. Who says such unkind things to an child? A child he knows nothing of. Who was getting along well with his daughters and just trying to have a fun and pleasant evening. Geez, why didn't he just cut to the and throw rocks at the girl.

Yeah, I 'get' it. There's sometimes a smidgeon of satisfaction when someone who as not been very nice finally gets a taste of her own back at 'em. But this child said nor did anything to have a total stranger be rude and cruel to her in front of her potential new friends and a group of people (her family).

There's plenty of SMs here that readily point out the very same correction when someone mistakes their stepchildren for their own child.

The guy was a total jerk!! Who says crap like that. And what father just sits there and lets the idiot continue to make it worse?

Sd has been a twit but does not deserve something like that. She certainly did not deserve it for just stating the fact that 4ever was her SM and not her mom. Why on earth would she let those people believe that 4ever was her mom?

I think this guy was an ass. Teenage girls have it rough enough without grown men telling them they aren't attractive.

As for the correction, I think we'll have to disagree. If the correction was stated in a factual manner, then it's completely fine. The SM is not the mom so as long as it's not maliciously stated, there is nothing wrong with it. I certainly don't think the father needs to have a conversation about being mean to the SM because the SD stated a fact.

Now if she was snotty, then have a conversation about that.

So many SM's here correct people because they don't want to be associated with their skids. I think I'm incline to give a skid a pass for just stating the facts.

He was trying to pay you a compliment but he ended up dissing your SD while at it. Dumb.

I can understand how you were embarrassed for your SD. Regardless of how she treats you and despite that guy obviously putting his foot in his mouth, I know how you feel. My SD14 is in that ugly stage- horrible acne, chubby, clearly self conscious about how she looks. You can almost feel her shrinking into herself around people. She will wear a long sleeve cardigan in 90 degree weather over her shorts/shirt just to cover the chub. On top of that she has horrible long dyed black hair she also hides beneath. and her skin looks as if she has never seen daylight.

I am blonde/blue, healthy skin tone, by no means a bean pole but average build. I have a feminine look for sure and do the hair/make-up/nails thing. No one would ever mistake her for my daughter.

My DH asked me to go school shopping with them and I couldn't. I said "SD14 barely acknowledges I exist - you think she is going to want my opinion on clothes?"

It kills me because I think she has the tools to be pretty. I think she will be once she grows up. I would definitely be the SM who takes her shopping and to get blow outs and all that stuff and help her develop her "image" if only given the chance.

It's obvious from the way she dresses that she has no positive female role model to show her how to look classy and put together. She looks like a slob all the time. The poor girl showed up to my bridal shower in a tank top/jean shorts and flip flops. Had I known no one gave her the 411 on appropriate dress for an event like this I would have stepped in. The in -laws were still afraid to say "boo" about anything and MIL didn't ever tell her to change. Hell if I had walked out of the house looking like that for a shower my Nanny would have sent my ass back inside and told me to put something nice on. And the poor girl, once she got to the shower, you could tell she was totally aware she was under dressed and was embarrassed.

Point is, no matter the shit these SD's do - it still breaks my heart to see her going through teen angst, when I know I could help the situation and maybe that's what 4ever feels. Like given the chance you could help her though these awkward years until she blossoms.

Since SD is sensitive, going through the awkward years and this will be an ongoing issue I would be preemptive and immediately introduce SD as your "step daughter" or "DH's daughter" just so there's no confusion. I do this whenever I'm in the presence of new people with the adult skids. I introduce them as "DH's sons." I never say MY stepsons because I really don't feel that they are mine and I really want people to know that I didn't give birth to ss30!

I do feel for her, the early teen years are especially hard. You must have been ovulating since your new neighbor reacted like such a bumbling dork.

I think it depends on the skids and your relationship with the skids.

"She's not my Mom, she's my Stepmom."

That sentence, in and of itself, is not mean, hurtful, or cruel, it's just a fact. Of course, it can be phrased into a way that IS mean, hurtful, and cruel.

A few years back I took SDthen14 to her first cheerleading meeting to get sized for her uniform.
I got the, "No, she's not my mom, she's my Dad's girlfriend."
It wasn't meant to be mean or anything, she was just stating the fact. Of course, all eyes rolled to me and I was a little embarrassed, but I didn't think SD did or said anything wrong."

My SD15 seems to pick & choose whom she corrects about the fact that I'm not her Mother. We get it often and sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. (Guess it depends on her level of hatred for me on the corresponding day). Every once in a while, when she's not being the most vile, viscious creature known to man, I do feel badly for her. Her older sister (20) is blonde (gorgeous, lustrious hair that is always done to a tee), beautiful(Imagine Carrie Underwood) and loved by all because she isn't evil and aggravating - she looks just like her father.
SD15 on the other hand, is LITERALLY her Mothers Mini Me. Round Face (which keeps getting rounder because she's so lazy and gorges herself on junk), HORRIBLE acne (which again, because she's so lazy, will not go away since she never washes her face), terrible thick coarse hair that is always in a pony tail, making her look like a dude - as well as EXactly like her mom (again because she's too lazy to do her hair) and a mouth full of braces. She gets embarrassed when strangers ask her if she's BM's daughter & say she looks identical to her because BM has a very bad reputation in a small town and everyone knows what she did with her then 14yr old daughters boyfriend.

I think the bottom line is the child needs to learn to function in a world that will never be pre-vetted and pre-scripted by her doting parents.

When the one little girl complimented the prettiness of her "mother" she could have opted for graciousness. "Oh, she is pretty, isn't she?! Thank you so much. I'm sure your mom is pretty, too. By the way, my mom is not actually here but I'd like to introduce you to my stepmother here, 4ever, whom I get to visit every other week." She would have immediately set the tone for kindness and sensitivity without compromising any loyalty to the "truth" or to her actual mother.

When people think I am the mom we often let it go, even sd does, but if the situation calls for more info I say something like, "Gosh, they've got a mother who loves them but I'm lucky enough to see them every weekend when they come to our house to visit their father, my husband."

Considering what we know about 4ever's sd's behavior lately she probably said it in an exclusionary sort of way, disowning 4ever. Which set the tone for anyone else in the conversation to just let unfiltered thoughts escape. I'm not saying it's the girl's responsibility to help the grown man talk. I'm saying dad nor bm can expect to protect her every moment of her life for the next 80 years from these incidents. May as well learn to defuse situations now. Start by acting so kind that people around you are inspired to make sure they are also kind.