My Husband has returned!
I am feeling so much better now that DH has finally let me in on what has been going on.
The tearful message for daddy - SD was upset that her new hubby left for school without waiting on her because he didn't want to be late again. DH said she had to call BM for a ride she said no. SD called old loser bf who dropped out to drive her to school. New hubby was mad this was the person she chose to bring her. This is her excuse for calling her new hubby an ass and wanting to leave him for about a half a day. By the time DH called her back she was over it.
Dinner at grandma's house - SD told DH the only way she would see him is if grandma made her cornflake chicken and have him and her only. Turns out SD wanted DD excluded as well. DH agreed but said DD was coming. SD said fine as long as Patsy wasn't there. DH did in fact tell DD the reason why I was not going was because SD said she would not come if I was there. Then said to DD he was going g to find out a night his Mom can have them over.
What MIL said about dinner - She was excited that SD was coming for dinner. Said she would be happy to have us and that Thursday would work. DH said I would not be there. DH said Patsy has to work late Thursday. MIL said Friday would be okay too. DH claimed that SD is busy Friday. And then there it was MIL called her son out. MIL told DH she is not going to play this game and he shouldn't either.
Turns out SD cancelled on him today about meeting with him for dinner anyway. DH did not go into detail as to why.
Talk with DH - I listened, as much as I wanted to ram my foot up his ass for the days of not speaking to me, I refrained. DH said he realized all. The hoops he was jumping and people he was hurting trying to have a relationship with SD. He is ashamed of himself for the years he put the hard stuff on me. DH said more things but really I was astounded he admitted putting the "hard stuff" on me.
DH's new plan - DH has decided to let SD know that he loves her. To let her know that he doesn't know how to fix the relationship with her. To admit that he made a mistake of not discipling her. He is going g to tell her he fears that to push her to spent with him is only damaging their relationship further. I will be there when you need me. Even if you don't need me but just want to spend time with me I will be there.
My response - that's your decision to make. I do appreciate that you plan to apologize for not disciplining her like you should have. I wanted to say more but it was rather sad to see him defeated. I didn't think he could take anymore tonight.
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Comments
I agree but I will take what
I agree but I will take what I can get for now. I would live to hear him say what you posted. I will dream about that one.
If he says he regrets not
If he says he regrets not disciplining her she will get the instant satisfaction of getting her own way. Ditzys approach makes it clear what has happened has happened. Done and history. But from now on these are the boundaries.
This way there are no apologies... and she will find out what being an adult is all about. She wants the marriage and babies and 'husband'. Well with that goes no game playing and playing loserbf against your husband or you will lose him in about a week.
I think your right about how
I think your right about how SD is going to react to him admitting he did not set boundries or dicipline her. I do think she already knows this though. I am ok with him taking some blame instead of passing it on to others. Ditzy's approach would be better, but I have to let him do it in his own way. All I am concerned about at this point is SD growing up. She wanted to get pregnant. She wanted to get married. She wanted to move out. I think she needs to concentrate on her life more than minipulating her dad right now.
I am glad too that he is
I am glad too that he is finally outwardly taking responsibiliy for some of this. My DH was at this point right after CHristmas, but I think SD getting married and finding out she is expecting threw him for a loop. He fell of the wagon so to say. I expect that he will do the same when his grandchild is born. We still do not even have a date for that. I think Ditzy's response is wonderful and I hope he will get to that point soon. DH should have said that to her at the age of 14 when things really started to turn. I got information that is in the blog from my DH, I am sure I got it because his mom and our DD called him out on it, but he did give me the information himself.
"Don't worry about what he
"Don't worry about what he says to SD. She's irrelevant at this point. The point is, he apologized to you and admitted that his behavior toward you has been shameful for years. If he starts to back off of his promise to you, then you can remind him of this conversation. But when his sights are set on his own daughter, you do not need to criticize him so the you distract him from seeing what she's up to."
I am most definately in this place now. I agree.
She...called.. her...
:jawdrop: She...called.. her... exboyfriend... to... give..her...a... ride... to... school....
And the new husband is an ASS she thinks? Patsy, you must mutter quietly "What the f**k" to yourself 20 times a day when it comes to your SD. Wow.
Glad your DH realized some truths here. I hope he continues his resolve to stop letting his daughter manipulate him.
Then again, what happens when he's a grandpa?
The fact she rung her ex bf
The fact she rung her ex bf for a ride and it made her DH angry is a clear reason why she should not be knocked up and married at 17. She is not ready.
Yep but BM rather save face
Yep but BM rather save face than to have a daughter unmarried and pregnant. SD was on the shot I bet BM wishes she wouldn't have missed the appointment to get another one! Karma is munching on her ass now!
No CS = no control over DH's finances
Pregnant Teen = BM is embarassed
Married Teen = BM will find it much harder to control DH's relationship with SD
Teen living with her husband = BM does not have control over SD's relationships with most anyone.
These past few weeks oh yes I
These past few weeks oh yes I have felt like I am living in someone elses life. I have been a wreck and I have felt very unstable. I fully expect a relapse when the grandbaby comes.
Thank you all so very much
Thank you all so very much for your help and suggestions on this. You have given me comfort and strength through all this muck I have been kicking around. I need to take a break from this board for a bit since I have let my work pile up. Time to get back to the $hit and string beans! Have no fear LOL we all know I'll be back. I will check messages each evening take care all!
Love,
Patsy