In my opinion, I would be angry that DH blew me off with an excuse but then turns around and decides to take the skids. That would piss me off.

I understand the feelings about the skids, DH being a parent and wanting peace in your home. In my situation, DH always "forgets" why I'm disengaged. He comes up with stupid shit that has nothing to do with the reason why I am disengaged. Bottom line for me- they are entitled brats and DH doesn't parent them. DH blames Swamp Hole for not parenting and blames me for being too strict.

I always look at it as no matter what I do or don't do it always equaled to me being fucked. So I keep on working my disengaged strategy. I also in a strange way watch what DH doesn't say or do.

For instance, yesterday I was working and my bio daughter texted me and said Prince was going out with a friend and told me the friends mother was picking Prince up. I texted DH asking if he knew about it. DH said yes and I replied- OK, thanks. In other words, thanks for not communicating with me about what's happening. DH texted me and said he thought Prince had asked me first and then I made him ask DH. In my mind, if you're the parent, you need to communicate either way.

So now, if Prince goes missing next time....I'm sounding no alarms. Let DH figure it out.

You're really not going to be able to have it both ways. Yes, children can see their father elsewhere, not in your home. But then you're going to have to understand he will be seeing them now and then outside the home. Of course he will want to spend occasional time with his children.

I do 'get' though that he's being unfair to you in that he didn't want to attend the event with you. The guy had numerous excuses (work, traffic, too much driving already), but suddenly now none of those things are a problem, he'll just take the skids. WTH? Yes, the way he's handled this event does build resentment and hurt feelings on your part. He needs to realize that this is why you're upset over the skids and he going...not that he's going to spend a bit of time with them.

As for the extra cost of food. There would be nothing wrong in him telling them upfront that these tickets were free and that the outing is occurring because he won the tickets. He could guilt free tell them to be sure to get a quick bite to eat themselves before he picks them up. That way he won't free like he needs to buy a bunch of expensive junk food at the event. The children are plenty old enough to know that not every outing is going to mean Dad has to spend a bundle feeding them. Nobody needs to eat every few hours.

The upside of them going is it does smooth Dad's guilt trip over not spending time with them and it frees you up to having a total 'me' evening. No Dh to have to cook for and you can do that evening whatever you please. Perhaps Dh and you can agree that once or twice a month he does do something with his kids (something within his budget). But when doing so he needs to stop with the excuses about why you and he can't also do something. Yes, he works hard. Yes, he drives a lot. Yes, traffic can be bad. yes, certainly money can get tight...but it makes you feel like a he doesn't value you and your marriage if he only makes exceptions for when it's for the skids and not just you and he.

Here's what I would do: give him the tickets (if they are in your purse or something) and then say NOT ONE MORE THING about it. I got $20 says he'll forget all about it by the time the game comes around. Men usually like to talk about all the awesome things they're going to do with their kids - but when push comes to shove they usually just like to lay on the couch with their phone/computer/tv.

Going to have to place my bets on this one!!^^^^^^^^^

he's a crappy father and a crappy husband. two separate issues. he wants to blame you for his crappy fathering so he can continue guilt free. don't be that person. say fine, if your finances are joint, give him a budget, then take exactly that much for yourself to go out and do something fun, preferably something you and he wanted to do together. my dh tried this years ago and I flat out told him that any money above and beyond child support (within reason!) that he spent on his kids, he'd better double it up because that same amount was going to be spent on our house/relationship. and I meant every word. we've never had a problem with this since. no more Disney daddy, he plans for the extras he wants to do with his kids so that it does not hurt us and he is invested in our life together. your dh is lazy when it comes to relationships, will continue being lazy with his kids. let him spend as much time as he wants with them, he'll never be able to blame you and will be shown for the fraud he is. you definitely have a say in how much of your joint finances goes out the door and do not have to tolerate being slighted so that he can give to his kids. tell him that you need to come to an agreement of how much money he intends to spend. marriage is about compromise and yes, he has to too. he isn't an unmarried man that can give all he wants anymore. yes, he has a wife (his choice) and yes, that will affect the time and resources he has available. skids have shown themselves to be dangerous in your home, that is their own fault. but you do have a voice. instead of sitting and stewing get it out, speak up for yourself. nobody else will. resentment will absolutely kill your marriage.