Stressed about the constant legal and parenting battle between them
FDH in the 19th month of trying to get custody of his kids...it's constantly being dragged out by something, always. I'm freaking tired of it today.
I've determined that when I bought a house 2 years ago and FDH and I agreed to split everything, something nasty and frustrating happens when you are in a court case.
More time in court =More Money Spent
More time in court, at hospitals for skids, at therapy for skids, at attorney's offices, in whatever classes /therapy/ evals the parents are required to take =Less time at work
More Money Spent-Less Time at Work= Resentful SM trying to cover almost all the bills and take care of her 2 kids as well while BM gets a church to pay her attorney fees for getting her kids taken away, lives off food stamps, medicaid, food pantries, and part of the CS agreement was for a portion of it go directly to the mortgage company so HER and skids ALWAYS had a place to live...oh did I mention she refuses to work?
While I pull at LEAST 40 hours a week, FDH pulls maybe 30-35 if he's lucky because of all this crap, and guess who's paying for most of the food, and all the bills except the cable and the cell phones?
Am I just a selfish, shitty bitch???
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Comments
I don't think you're selfish
I don't think you're selfish or shitty. I think you've allowed yourself to be pulled into a situation where DH depends on you to pick up his slack.
He's pursuing a custody change at the detriment of his wife and household. He's never been forced to prioritize you above any of the custody battle stuff.
It's a hard place to be in .. you want to be supportive and help him, but you're running yourself ragged in the process. You need to sit him down and explain to him that something needs to change. This can't go on forever, and as long as you allow it, it will.
Custody battles never really end .. especially when one parent feels like they don't get as much as they wanted .. DH may win this round, but BM will likely have him right back in court again if she's not happy with that outcome.
HELL NO...you aren't being
HELL NO...you aren't being selfish.
My DSO worked 24 hrs a week after he got custody bc I was sick of being the full time parent. It is rough and it isn't fair to the Step parent to have to take up all the slack. It especially wasn't fair that I worked and brought home the money and yet didn't have money to spend on my own kids and grandkids.
After SS went to live with BM, we were able to get a sitter and DSO is back to full time.
NO, you're not being selfish
NO, you're not being selfish at all. Just the opposite, quite frankly. I hope things work out soon and everything settles down for you. Must be very stressful indeed.
Good luck. I helped my
Good luck. I helped my husband get custody of SS16 last year.
I wish I found this website before i did a very "unselfish" thing. Now for my own sanity, I wish I was a lot more "selfish". Honestly, good luck.
19 months. JHC Sometimes
19 months. JHC :jawdrop:
Sometimes the courts just really like to drag it on. I'm still pissed it took a year and a half to get a CO agreement (even without visitation!) and how much that cost (which we're still paying off.)
It's ridiculous and the only one who wins is the lawyer in the end.
It's either court or her.
It's either court or her. Always has been. First the clerk filed it wrong, then it got dragged because she switched attorneys after she couldn't pay one to get another and they needed more time, then that happened again, then she was getting state funded counseling and assistance to help with the issues so the judge didn't want to have a final yet, then they got the gal and she was really slow at first about doing the work because bm never paid her, then finally (FINALLY) The final hearing was to be in mid-January, then she accused FDH right before that custody hearing of beating SS7 (he was spanked three times on the butt with a hand as far ask I know,got a tpo, I was not in the room), dfcs and therapists and gal were all heavy on her case because of issues with them, then sure enough one was in the mental hospital (again, for the 7th or so time since 11/11) and got transferred to dfcs custody, the older one got picked up and put in dfcs custody because she got that tpo and the hearing to get it dismissed had not happened yet so FDH could do nothing,case got transferred to juvenile at this point, now the court has decided that deprivation for SS10 is not an issue anymore, transferred it back to superior court for SS10 let him go back to his mom, hearing for temporary for him (not final yet again) is Mid April, SS7 will stay in state until end of April then based on whatever superior says about SS10 will possibly go for SS7 as well, that doesn't count if and when FDH finally does get final custody all of the modifications to the original parenting plan that will have to be done, and there will have to be a court date for that, and I'm sure she will find something to stall with.
If I knew the same thing was
If I knew the same thing was in store for me financially, emotionally, mentally & with an ungrateful 16 yr old we can't even celebrate getting custody of because we're still going to court with restraining orders, child support, bogus complaints to children's services, etc--- I would have told my husband to just get over it & wait a few more years till they're adults. But it was his son that begged him & gave me a sob story. This whole experience has left me feeling so ridiculous I could swear I have "sucker" stamped on my forehead.