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Finally admitting the painfully obvious out loud...

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 11:37am

FDH and I had a pretty heated discussion last week. I contemplate going to stay with my folks, basically let the house and all of the debt go, and put my life back together for myself and the Bios. The stress over these last two years has been so heavy and I'm so drained. So he says he just has to believe in his heart that things will not always be like this and he has to believe we will be able to have our wedding and start our life...which at this point is just a nice thought. I finally said the one thing I never had:

"These issues with your sons and BM have always been bigger than me, the Bios, and our relationship and its not fair for any of us to be waiting endlessly on something that will never ever be 100% resolved unless BM is 100% out of the picture because she refuses to let go and if she can't have her way she wants to make your life a living hell and it does not matter who else is in the picture"

He did not argue with me. He said knows. He said nothing else...

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 11:41am

What about making a drastic change for all of you? Move out of state or something. Create a separation from the problem zone and get back to you guys being the important ones.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 11:55am

If you are not married, I would do it....Sounds like you and your bios will never come first.

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 12:02pm

Sometimes a little separation from the problems make things much clearer. I would take a vacation with just you and your kids. See how you feel while you're away, and see how he manages without you. It could be a real eye opener for him and for you too. You never know, you might like it a lot!

pixiedust10's picture

Submitted by pixiedust10 on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 12:19pm

Don't have the money for a vacation but I wish!!! All my money goes to support the household since I pay the majority of the bills. Because of court, social agency meetings, therapy, parenting classes, etc that have happened due to the custody issues I work the 40 and he does the best he can.

Overworked. All my family is here. He has very little family support even though they all act like they are so close and stuff. My family has been the support system financially and emotionally through all of this. We can't move anytime soon. State still has custody of his youngest son and the BM might as well be on probation regarding her custody of the older SS. I have bios who's father is very active in their lives and I don't have a good enough reason nor do I really want to take the kids farther away from their dad and go through the drama with him that I'm going through with FDH...but I HAVE thought of it...