How it's going with SDiabla
I have had the unfortunate experience of getting a lot of exposure to OSD28 this week. She doesn't ask permission or engage in a dialog but rather makes announcements, demands and assumptions, assumptions which are frequently completely wrong.
She treats DH and I as peers and seems to have no understanding of authority or her role in the family or her role in life in general. She bulldozes her way through life like a bull in a china shop. She has a hyper chicken with her head cut off energy, especially when she is agitated, which is often.
She is just so much like BM who is exactly the same way, controlling, anxious energy and demanding.
We will never be compatable people. I am a calm person.
As grannyD mentioned, she doesn't take hints. Most people would have realized that it's not working but she continues to just hang around and use our house as an airbnb.
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How long has she been at your
How long has she been at your house? It seems like it's been weeks.
I don't know ...
I have lost track. She is so wishy washy and intentionally vague. She gives DH a written "schedule" which is completely clear except for the time when she's staying AT OUR HOUSE which is outlined as ??? on her schedule. It's taken me a hot minute to see the pattern clearly. It's getting old and I've told DH so. He is not handling her well. I think she's been here a total of perhaps 3 weeks over the course of the last 2 months but then she and YSD also hang out in the area and do pop-ins or invite DH to do stuff with just them. I am going to start keeping a written log. It's become silly.
You should definitely keep a
You should definitely keep a written log. I don't see how you live like that. Don't these women have a home of their own? Jobs? I wouldn't like being an on-demand flop house for couch-surfing adults who treat me like crap. Damnit, this is your home too!
Subtle hints don't work on
Subtle hints don't work on these people. Hints don't work. Even full frontal in their face firm hints don't work. So, don't waste your time and breath on hints with them.
Be full frontal in their face ass baring direct with them. "Time to go! NOW!"
No discussion the directive that they are leaving.
We have a friend that I first recruited to a company 30 years ago. I have recruited him to 4 companies during the course of our careers. I was on an international trip for a couple of months when DW and I had been married for about 2yrs. I asked my university BFF to be her POC while I was gone if she needed anything. He invited she and SS to his house to hang out a couple of times while I was away. The friend I have recruited repeatedly was staying with my university BFF until his then DW finished the school year (she is a teacher) at which point she and his three DDs would join him in our State. They all had a great time while I was on the business trip. When I recruited him to the 3rd company he stayed with us for a few months. He is one who will way over stay his welcome. I finally just told him that it was time for my family to get back to our normal routine and he would need to find a place soon. Once I was direct, he found a place and moved out within a week or two. No need to be in his face, he is just one of those people who requires direct conversation.
With the Klingon Diabla I would adopt a zero tolerance for any crap she pulls. Be direct. "Know your place. You are not our peer. Stop overstepping." Add specifics as to where she is overstepping. "Time to go. We need to get back to our calm lives and you need to take your drama and get back to your life. We will let you know the next time we want to suffer a visit from you."
Get mean, Hon!
Rags, your advice is what a sensible man would do if his child were overstaying and overstepping. Unhappily, Diabla’s father is a Disney Dad who would rather have his household disrupted and his wife stressed than hurt his daughter’s fee-fees.
His brats (particularly the elder) have bullied him for yonks and, if poor Elea got tough and invited Miss Pushy B to leave, Elea would be the bad guy. She is, truly, in a no-win situation.
What worked for me was being nasty and I was quite sneaky about it. I’d hiss at the offender between my teeth, glare at her and step towards her in an aggressive way. After 6 months of torment, I made up my mind that I was not going to be bullied in my own home! If my SD complained to ‘Daddeeee’, I arranged my face in an expression of shock and claimed that I didn’t know what she was talking about! Get mean, Elea!
I know grannyd. I have a
I know grannyd. I have a flat forehead over beating my head against a wall over so many ball-less baby man Disney daddy failed men, failed husbands, and failed parents. It drives me nuckin futz. They piss me off even more than the Harpy squad toxic mommy/XW/BMs and IMHO are far more toxic because they actively abandon their kids to the Harpy and do not set the example of viable adulthood, confident manhood, and quality father that it takes to save their kids from their poor choice in breeding partner. Of course there are Moms that make similar poor choices and abandon their kids to a Narc asshole father to destroy rather than making the destruction of the toxic X their most active hobby.
I find that having the tough conversation and being assertive is never as bad as I have built it up in my mind to be before I take action. Driving the discomfort to invoke the change needed is the same way in my experience. It is never as hard or as unpleasant as I build it up to be before I deliver it to the appropriate target audience.
As the adage about insanity goes. Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is insane. On a similar not, doing nothing changes nothing.
I hope beyond hope that Elea will take action and save herself.
I know my own experience is the Unicorn of SParent life. An amazing brilliant partner with full physical and legal custody, and a long distance visitation schedule CO.
Yes grannyd, you are correct.
Yes grannyd, you are correct. I cannot just tell them to leave without becoming the bad guy and playing into their victim story.
I'm not being nasty but I have ripped up the welcome mat. I don't consider it nasty to glare at someone who arrives at your house unannounced and stays without permission after their other poorly laid plans fall through. Plans that I wasn't told about and have no part in.
Over the summer YSD26 confronted me (in my own home) and told me what to do. I told her "No! I have a lot of work to do right now and this is how I'm doing it." Well, princess Diabla didn't like that at all. Not one bit. Dh tells me that she won't come back here anymore. I don't think anyone has ever flat out told her "no" before.
When she first arrived she kept whispering loudly to DH that the meals I was preparing may not satisfactorily fit into her diet. Lol
The audacity these diablas have never ceases to amaze me. Yes YSD, my days and nights revolve around serving you. *wacko* Needless to say the meals I make are not catered to her. I serve "take it or leave it."
- - - Good! riddens!!! One down and one to go.
I am allowing DH to handle all things Sdiabla related. They are very demanding and it is a tiresome and thankless job. Long-suffering DH is becoming weary. He is picking up the drink more while they are here which doesn't help him handle things any better. I keep thinking he will finally say enough is enough but so far he's still putting up with whatever.
The guest area has not been cleaned in several months. DH's idea of hospitality is quite different than mine. I am allowing him to handle feeding them. DH's idea of cooking is throwing food into the microwave for 30 seconds. One issue I'm running into is that SDiablas are accustomed to living with BM's neglectful, pigsty household. Even crap accompdations, dirty rooms, unkempt bed, sparse linens, an empty refrigerator and burnt meals are better than what they have at "home."
OSD28 has been traveling around and staying in whatever cheap accomodations she can find. She has a remote job that allows her to work from wherever she is. She's a transient and is using our home as a crash pad when her other plans fall through. YSD26 is mooching off of BM. She can't find a job in her area of study and can't keep a regular job for longer than 2 weeks.
I will have to keep working on my shocked face. Performing is not my forte.
Subtle hints don't work on
Subtle hints don't work on these people. Hints don't work. Even full frontal in their face firm hints don't work. So, don't waste your time and breath on hints with them.
Be full frontal in their fact ass baring direct with them. "Time to go! NOW!"
No discussion only the directive that they are leaving.
We have a friend that I first recruited to a company 30 years ago. I have recruited him to 4 companies during the course of our careers. I was on an international trip for a couple of months when DW and I had been married for about 2yrs. I asked my university BFF to be her POC while I was gone if she needed anything. He invited she and SS to his house to hang out a couple of times while I was away. The friend I have recruited repeatedly was staying with my university BFF until his then DW finished the school year (she is a teacher) at which point she and his three DDs would join him in our State. They all had a great time while I was on the business trip. When I recruited him to the 3rd company he stayed with us for a few months. He is one who will way over stay his welcome. I finally just told him that it was time for my family to get back to our normal routine and he would need to find a place soon. Once I was direct, he found a place and moved out within a week or two. No need to be in his face, he is just one of those people who requires direct conversation.
With the Klingon Diabla I would adopt a zero tolerance for any crap she pulls. Be direct. "Know your place. You are not our peer. Stop overstepping." Add specifics as to where she is overstepping. "Time to go. We need to get back to our calm lives and you need to take your drama and get back to your life. We will let you know the next time we want to a visit from you."
Chica needs to go home,
Chica needs to go home, wherever that is. She sounds like a Pick Me girl.
SD actually is disrespectful to you
And her BF and your home. I can see why she a fish. Looks good the first day, but starts smelling by the third day. Rags is right. You must tell her to go. She must be getting the hint to leave, but just has nothing better to do. Doesn't she have a job to get back to.? Tell her to time to go by Friday.
'she may get mad at you and never come back. Win>.......win ....
The cherry on top of having
The cherry on top of having to deal with the lingering smell for the past several weeks/months is that I found out BM and The Diablas are coming into town for Thanksgiving. They are having T-giving dinner with a dull and uppity family they are friends with. OSD27 says she may or may not be staying with us or she may stay at aforementioned friend's house with BM and YSD.
Considering BM and YSD's constant drama I have the feeling it will be a rollercoaster of dealing with OSD's fee fees over the holiday. I did put my foot down a little and told DH he had better not go traipsing off with the circus (diablas) on Thanksgiving Day.
I'd prefer he tell them all to stay with their weird friends for the entire week but I know he'll get sucked in one way or the other. He did agree that he'll not be going off with them on Thanksgiving Day.
Ooo, how about faking an
Ooo, how about faking an injury and Expecting them to step up. Get a trusted good friend to help with this deception. You will need to get some special footwear so you look legitimately injured. Spend sometime with friend, going on a hike, you "fall" and injur an ankle, got the ER and come home with crutches (goodwill ) and orders for no putting weight on it for 6 weeks while it heals. You will need massive amounts of help with their father and house during this time. Holidays and all, what rotten timing!
You will have to deceive DH but his inability to handle them lead to this level of deceit IMO.
I guarantee that being expected to help will drive them away. These girls won't help you of all people. There's nothing in it for them but broken fingernails.
Not sure how this would affect your marriage but this situation has gotten out of hand. The dysfunction from DH needs to end.
That is a fine idea. Lol
That is a fine idea. Lol
I would probably just leave and go visit my siblings rather than make up such an elaborate guise tho.
I'm staying here because my own adult bios will be home for Thanksgiving and I want to enjoy them. My son is already helping me prepare the meal since he is a regular person.
I am doing a great job of ignoring Sdiablas. They really don't cause me any significant amount of work except to clean up the guest room after they finally leave and for when we have a real guest. DH is handling everything related to hosting them.
Laughing
I'm laughing but it's true, this would definitely work!