How it's going with SDiabla
I have had the unfortunate experience of getting a lot of exposure to OSD28 this week. She doesn't ask permission or engage in a dialog but rather makes announcements, demands and assumptions, assumptions which are frequently completely wrong.
She treats DH and I as peers and seems to have no understanding of authority or her role in the family or her role in life in general. She bulldozes her way through life like a bull in a china shop. She has a hyper chicken with her head cut off energy, especially when she is agitated, which is often.
She is just so much like BM who is exactly the same way, controlling, anxious energy and demanding.
We will never be compatable people. I am a calm person.
As grannyD mentioned, she doesn't take hints. Most people would have realized that it's not working but she continues to just hang around and use our house as an airbnb.
- Elea's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
How long has she been at your
How long has she been at your house? It seems like it's been weeks.
Subtle hints don't work on
Subtle hints don't work on these people. Hints don't work. Even full frontal in their face firm hints don't work. So, don't waste your time and breath on hints with them.
Be full frontal in their face ass baring direct with them. "Time to go! NOW!"
No discussion the directive that they are leaving.
We have a friend that I first recruited to a company 30 years ago. I have recruited him to 4 companies during the course of our careers. I was on an international trip for a couple of months when DW and I had been married for about 2yrs. I asked my university BFF to be her POC while I was gone if she needed anything. He invited she and SS to his house to hang out a couple of times while I was away. The friend I have recruited repeatedly was staying with my university BFF until his then DW finished the school year (she is a teacher) at which point she and his three DDs would join him in our State. They all had a great time while I was on the business trip. When I recruited him to the 3rd company he stayed with us for a few months. He is one who will way over stay his welcome. I finally just told him that it was time for my family to get back to our normal routine and he would need to find a place soon. Once I was direct, he found a place and moved out within a week or two. No need to be in his face, he is just one of those people who requires direct conversation.
With the Klingon Diabla I would adopt a zero tolerance for any crap she pulls. Be direct. "Know your place. You are not our peer. Stop overstepping." Add specifics as to where she is overstepping. "Time to go. We need to get back to our calm lives and you need to take your drama and get back to your life. We will let you know the next time we want to suffer a visit from you."
Get mean, Hon!
Rags, your advice is what a sensible man would do if his child were overstaying and overstepping. Unhappily, Diabla’s father is a Disney Dad who would rather have his household disrupted and his wife stressed than hurt his daughter’s fee-fees.
His brats (particularly the elder) have bullied him for yonks and, if poor Elea got tough and invited Miss Pushy B to leave, Elea would be the bad guy. She is, truly, in a no-win situation.
What worked for me was being nasty and I was quite sneaky about it. I’d hiss at the offender between my teeth, glare at her and step towards her in an aggressive way. After 6 months of torment, I made up my mind that I was not going to be bullied in my own home! If my SD complained to ‘Daddeeee’, I arranged my face in an expression of shock and claimed that I didn’t know what she was talking about! Get mean, Elea!
I know grannyd. I have a
I know grannyd. I have a flat forehead over beating my head against a wall over so many ball-less baby man Disney daddy failed men, failed husbands, and failed parents. It drives me nuckin futz. They piss me off even more than the Harpy squad toxic mommy/XW/BMs and IMHO are far more toxic because they actively abandon their kids to the Harpy and do not set the example of viable adulthood, confident manhood, and quality father that it takes to save their kids from their poor choice in breeding partner. Of course there are Moms that make similar poor choices and abandon their kids to a Narc asshole father to destroy rather than making the destruction of the toxic X their most active hobby.
I find that having the tough conversation and being assertive is never as bad as I have built it up in my mind to be before I take action. Driving the discomfort to invoke the change needed is the same way in my experience. It is never as hard or as unpleasant as I build it up to be before I deliver it to the appropriate target audience.
As the adage about insanity goes. Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is insane. On a similar not, doing nothing changes nothing.
I hope beyond hope that Elea will take action and save herself.
I know my own experience is the Unicorn of SParent life. An amazing brilliant partner with full physical and legal custody, and a long distance visitation schedule CO.
Subtle hints don't work on
Subtle hints don't work on these people. Hints don't work. Even full frontal in their face firm hints don't work. So, don't waste your time and breath on hints with them.
Be full frontal in their fact ass baring direct with them. "Time to go! NOW!"
No discussion only the directive that they are leaving.
We have a friend that I first recruited to a company 30 years ago. I have recruited him to 4 companies during the course of our careers. I was on an international trip for a couple of months when DW and I had been married for about 2yrs. I asked my university BFF to be her POC while I was gone if she needed anything. He invited she and SS to his house to hang out a couple of times while I was away. The friend I have recruited repeatedly was staying with my university BFF until his then DW finished the school year (she is a teacher) at which point she and his three DDs would join him in our State. They all had a great time while I was on the business trip. When I recruited him to the 3rd company he stayed with us for a few months. He is one who will way over stay his welcome. I finally just told him that it was time for my family to get back to our normal routine and he would need to find a place soon. Once I was direct, he found a place and moved out within a week or two. No need to be in his face, he is just one of those people who requires direct conversation.
With the Klingon Diabla I would adopt a zero tolerance for any crap she pulls. Be direct. "Know your place. You are not our peer. Stop overstepping." Add specifics as to where she is overstepping. "Time to go. We need to get back to our calm lives and you need to take your drama and get back to your life. We will let you know the next time we want to a visit from you."
Chica needs to go home,
Chica needs to go home, wherever that is. She sounds like a Pick Me girl.
SD actually is disrespectful to you
And her BF and your home. I can see why she a fish. Looks good the first day, but starts smelling by the third day. Rags is right. You must tell her to go. She must be getting the hint to leave, but just has nothing better to do. Doesn't she have a job to get back to.? Tell her to time to go by Friday.
'she may get mad at you and never come back. Win>.......win ....