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SD28 to visit

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 2:56pm

I am in need of Stalkers sage advice.

Here's the setup. (And yes, a visit from SD28 always involves sneaky traps.)

Snooty, demanding, sneaky & mean SD28 is coming for a visit. She will be staying with us for a few days but she will be in our area, staying with friends for a more extended amount of time. Thank-the-heavens that she will be staying elsewhere for part of her time here. It took awhile but recognition that the red carpet is no longer being rolled out has dawned upon her. I used to cook for SD's when they were kids because you literally have to feed them no matter how horrible they are. I also keep a tidy house. Welp, I haven't cleaned guest room since last summer when YSD spent an extended 4 week stay here and then SD spent 2 weeks there. Do either of them bother cleaning? Of course not. I consider tidying before and after their stays to be DH's problem and apparently it's not important to him either. They don't seem to enjoy staying in their own squalor as much as when I used to keep things cleaned up. I will clean up (and disinfect) if we have other guests staying but recently we have had no guests other than SD's.

I expect DH will be at her beck and call for what she refers to as "quality time" aka excluding me, attempting to cause a rift in our relationship & trying to create drama to split us as a couple. It is like having a pesky fly around but not any real threat as she will go off and live her own life soon enough. During her visit I will enjoy a break from her AND DH.

DH is picking her up at the airport. I will refrain from joining in the pick-up. (Unlike when I was a kid and always warmly greeted my SM, as she did I, when my SM and Dad would pick me up at the airport.)

Here is where I need your help. Back in the good 'Ol days SD would storm into the house without bothering to say "hello" or "goodbye" to me. Now that Dh has mandated basic civility she will greet me in some shape and form.

I need suggestions for how to greet her and then gracefully bow out. I have no desire to chit chat but I also don't want to be discourteous. In the past I have said something like, "Hi SD, how are things going?" She doesn't give much of an answer but will then move on to an abrasive, pushy demeanor and ask me somewhat personal questions about my life that I have no desire to discuss with her now or ever. She is socially awkward so it's not entirely her feral upbringing or sneaky personality at play but also simple ineptitude.

How do I greet SD when she arrives?  How do I get in & then get out?!? Ideas, Suggestions, Thoughts & Prayers appreciated

 

Comments

Felicity0224's picture

Submitted by Felicity0224 on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 4:12pm

"Hi, I hope you had a pleasant flight? You did? That's great. Well, I have <insert places to be or things to do> that I need to get to, so I'll see you later."

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 8:05pm

I like this. Simple and sweet but I will have to get to the  "I have things to do" part quickly or she will ask me stupid personal questions. Last time she wasn't even facing me when she talked to me. She was cooking for herself in MY kitchen and had her back turned to me as if she is the queen bee. I walked away after giving her a brief reply and went out to my garden but I think she didn't even notice and kept talking to me. Lol DH got upset because he felt I wasn't engaging with her "trying" enough or some such nonsense.

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 8:09pm

Greeting: Hello. (Nothing more)

Response: Sorry, I have things to do. You will have to ask your dad. (Nothing more)

If she asks about anything personal:  I'm not comfortable sharing personal information with anyone who does not invest in sharing theirs. (Nothing more. Stay on message.)

If it requires distance, leave. Go to a theater/restaurant that serves you while you are watching a movie. They have multi feature options so you can catch up on your movies while having a drink or several and some indulgent food.  Under communicating is far better than over communicating.  Tolerate no bullshit, grey rock both SD and DH if they overstep. After you rip them both a new asshole.

Good luck.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 6:39pm

I think your greeting or the others suggested are fine.  Do you have a hobby you could be doing when she arrives?  How about scheduling any long delayed appointments like dental, pedicure, anything that takes you out of the house.  Just stay polite and civil and noncommittal.  You can do it!

Side note:  I don't like to be around SD63, either.  I prefer to be gone when she comes.  Since I started going to Silver Sneakers regularly at 11;30, I notice thats when she prefers to arrive.  She doesn't want to see me, either.  Perfect for both of us.  Lol.

 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 8:38pm

I do need to take the dog to the vet but in the time-frame since I posted this blog I think I am coming down with the flu. *bad* I have a fever and just spent the afternoon in bed. It seems that the universe is helping me out. *biggrin*

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 10/18/2024 - 12:27pm

Such a telling update for those in the SParent world.  Celebrating the flu as a good thing.

Woo hoo.

Yahoo

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 6:20pm

SD: Hello Elea

Elea: Right back at ya!

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 6:45pm

This is the one who told you guys she wanted alone time with Daddy then invited her friend and her friend's parents, right? Yeah, screw her. You can greet her like Felicity said or not at all, either would be appropriate. The fact you are still letting her stay in your house is big of you. 

As far as the red carpet, i don't even clean my college kids' rooms before and after visits. I didn't clean their rooms for them when they lived at home past elementary school, so why start now? Maybe when they are totally on their own, but...meh. 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 8:24pm

The very same one. She is quite the pill. DH is allowing it. If it were just up to me I would not. 

I didn't clean my kids rooms either. They have been taught to clean for themselves. 

I cleaned after SD's because as teens they would spend the weekend with us and then I would be left looking at their messes for 5 days until they came back for the next weekend. I am a neat freak and hate clutter and dirty spaces. They were supposed to be here every other weekend but revered BM who to this day they uphold as "always there for us" could never be bothered with her own children on a weekend. I used to throw their messes into their rooms, close door and clean their bathroom. 

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 7:05pm

I love the idea of making appointments for yourself, preferably pampering appointments. Can you not be home when she arrives? Then you have to go shopping. Also, have friends and family call you. And there is something you need to deal with on your computer. . . in the other room.  For a long time. Lastly, "Sorry, I need to go give myself a root canal." 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 8:22pm

I will be in bed when she arrives since her flight arrives late but she is staying for several days so I will have to see her and make small talk at some point. 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Wed, 10/16/2024 - 8:30pm

For real so it seems that the universe saw fit for me to be much too sick and tired to entertain. My bio son was sick last week. I babied him quite a bit, chicken soup and all that, so I probably caught it. He is the sweetest, hardest working son a Mom could ask for and he deserved a little extra care. I would hate for my germs to pass to SD? 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 10/17/2024 - 7:56am

Hope you had a good flight.   Hold on a minute think the good fish is sick. Got to goggles it.  Then leave 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Fri, 10/18/2024 - 11:18am

Ugh. DH just informed me that OSD28 informed him that YSD25 will be joining her for part of her stay in this area. Of course neither of them are being straight forward about details so now I just have to wonder when the diablas will be coming and going for the next 2 weeks. One is bad, two is worse. They join and hold onto each other like codependant Pompeii statues to ward off the evil spirits of not being permitted to be heads of our household. Bleh. I hope they drive DH crazy and he kicks them out.

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Fri, 10/18/2024 - 10:03pm

Update 2: So according to Dh's report, YSD25 will be staying with OSD28 at a friend's house rather than with us. Yay! Of course there are never any guarantees with these 2. There has been more than one time where they said they were staying with us for a week and instead stayed a month.

Another piece of of the puzzle is that OSD28 said she was having dinner with us but then never came downstairs. DH finally went to check on her. When he returned, maybe 20 minutes later, he told me that OSD and YSD just got into a fight on a video call and now OSD is upset. I halfway think it's a cover story.

DH made dinner while I stayed in bed because I am not feeling well. OSD went out for a little while before dinner and when she returned I was sitting in on my sofa chair eating dinner with DH. She barely acknowledged us and went straight to the guest room. I think she is mad that I'm not isolating while sick. Lol. Two things can be true. I am sure she and YSD got into a fight but I also think DH doesn't want to tell me that she's mad that I'm relaxing in my own home while sick.

I am enjoying the guilty pleasure of OSD and YSD already fighting before YSD even arrives. How 2 people can create their own stormy weather rainclouds is beyond me but these 2 are a dark presence. Aye Diablas!

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Sat, 10/19/2024 - 9:05am

Thanks for the initial encounter suggestions. Such a simple and stupid thing that after all these years a typical greeting is still a challenge. I asked how are things? She said good. I asked about her flight which was also good. Then I let her know how hard her Dad has been working for the past couple of days to get his spare vehicle ready for her to use. I want the ingrate to understand how lucky she is. She said, yes, I was just talking to him about it. Good good --- She did smile and seem to be making an effort to not be ugly like she used to always be. At that point I walked off to put my shoes on and run a couple of essential errands. It is a load-off to be done with the chit chat. 

Elea's picture

Submitted by Elea on Sat, 10/19/2024 - 3:08pm

I just found out that SD's will be in our area until DECEMBER. DH made SD write out her "schedule" if you can call it that and it includes 3 weeks of ??? unaccounted time between now and Dec. 1, as in she doesn't know where she is staying, including that she and YSD may want to stay here the entire week of Thanksgiving!  Both SD's are transcients. Good on DH for actually making her put something into writing but DAMN. That's a long time to have to deal with SD pop-in's which happen to be the worst kind of pop-in's possible. 

I am actively contacting my family and asking them to please, please, plesase come for Thanksgiving. I want our guest rooms FULL and I'm sure SD's are far too superior to deal with my family. I think they can't get away from work this year tho so ... might. not happen.