failed parenting is SO unattractive!!
SD12 has been basically living with us full time for almost 2 months now. DHs guilty dad parenting has gotten even worse and I didn't think it was even possible! I have disengaged from SD12 completely.
Not sure why DH felt the need to tell me... but said SD stayed home from school the other day because she was "sick". FYI, she's usually not sick but just wants to skip. I told him the it's not the # of absences he should be worrying about, it's her grades. Out of 7 classes she has 1 B (in Drama/Theater of course lol), 3 D's, and 2 F's. He said he "knows" she has bad grades, but doesn't know "what else to do." Um, HELLO, how about email the teacher, look on SDs chromebook, take her phone until homework is complete, etc. Literally anything. Of course, SD12 makes excuses and just says her bad grades are because her teachers don't like her and "doesn't know how" to turn assignments in.
UGH, it's so unattractive. A grown man to be run over by a pre-teen and fall for her non-sense. Also, not having a backbone to put his foot down. Anyone else disengaged but still get "the ick" from seeing these parenting fails???
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"well hon, doing nothing isn
"well hon, doing nothing isn't going so well so maybe consider doing something"
He'd rather wring his hands
He'd rather wring his hands and cry "I've tried absolutely nothing and I'm all out of ideas!"
Indeed it's so unattractive
Indeed it's so unattractive when they don't do anything and wonder why that doesn't work.
The thing is these men are usually very effective in their day jobs and that's one of the reasons why we found them attractive. They don't really think that parenting kids is excessively complicated, they are just lazy and don't want to do it.
Even less attractive is when they try to take credit or brag about things the skids do that are not even accomplishments, or if the kid does manage to be successful at something they take credit for it as if they were successful because of their genes and not because of something BM or SM did.
That's the one that really grinds my gears. BM is not one of my favorite people but I can recognize that she has put a lot of work into raising SD. So whenever my DH starts to take credit for something that SD has accomplished and acts as though it was because of some innate quality that she inherited from him rather than BM's hard work I am definitely TURNED OFF.
LOL You reminded me
That Chef loves to take credit for Awesomeson (DS 35)
I think Chef had maybe a total of four hours of interaction with Awesomeson from age 17-27!
Yesterday Awesomeson participated in the pre game military ceremony for the Bills/Jets. He was on the jumbotron and met the Bills coach who allowed him to sit at the sports caster/commentator desk for a photo opp; not to brag but Awesomesone is extremely photogenic and handsome so he was singled out to do the meet and greet. You could tell Chef was like "that's my boy!" Which is cute but realistically he had nothing to do with it other than to recommend which military branch to go into.
SD is 18 and I have been
SD is 18 and I have been dealing with "parenting fails" for 8 years. And yes it is a HUGE turn off for me! Just last night SD blew her nose 3 times at the dinner table as we were eating. He just sat there and said nothing! I wanted to scream "Please get up and blow your nose in the bathroom!!"
And like Seeyou never - Whatever good things there are about SD seem to be because of how BM raised her.
I should add that DH blames
I should add that DH blames BM for all of SDs negative qualities and tries to take credit for the good ones!
I think he wears his rose colored glasses while he looks in the mirror lol.
Ew, gross! But I'm sure if
Ew, gross! But I'm sure if you were to step in and say something, then suddently YOU would be the rude one, not SD right? Ugh our DH are so similar.
Dogmom
Could you be suddenly uninterested in adult activities when DH is doing good guilty daddy routine? I know most men, once gaining custody, are so afraid that they will lose their kids back to the BM that they are ok with feraldom.
DH doesn't know what to do.
DH doesn't know what to do. Well maybe he could stop falling for her excuses -- teachers don't like her, doesn't know how to turn in assignments. Really SD, pick something more believable.
I predict that when SD has to go to summer school, both he and SD will act surprised.
Thinking even further... I
Thinking even further... I think when SD is an adult, she will get fired from her job "because her boss doesn't like her." The blaming is unreal and SD12 is going to have a very long, and very tough road ahead of her since she is the forever victim.
Awe...Poor DH
Don't know what to do. Let's see. Make an appointment with school officials to get a clear picture of what's going on. Begin checking the portal daily. Start handing out consequences. (Failed test, study rather than tv/gaming. Missed homework. Finish and turn in regardless of if it counts or not...even better if it doesn't). Ground said kid for bad grades. There's a start, DH.
SMH
Pathetic POS failed parents… are a POS
My Skid is awesome. His mom and I raised him to be. His SpermClan has no clue.
The are too stupid to understand his success.
Well, he could do what I do
Well, he could do what I do which is teach my kids to check in with their teacher's (in person or online) and to advocate for themselves. He could make a designated "homework time" which means no phone or other distractions. He could make sure she sticks to a reasonable routine of homework, play time, dinner, shower, bed ... And if she really is struggling he can put her in therapy and/or get her a tutor.
But oh no, what if SD12 no
But oh no, what if SD12 no longer wants to be his friend with all of these rules and boundaries?! How dare he not treat her like an equal instead of a child! *eyeroll* Because you know... that would actually make sense.
Yep, and once they are
Yep, and once they are adultified it is much harder to put the lid back on.
My SDiablas had no bedtimes and told DH what they were doing and when, not the other way around but at least they had good study habits. (Other than when they talked DH into doing their homework FOR them. But that's on him for being dumb enough to agree.)
I just hope they never have kids because kids that were raised as ferals have no idea how to parent their own kids.
Same thing!
We're dealing with a similar school situation with SS12! He's got As in music and the rest are Cs and Ds. He's chronically late turning in work (if he turns it in at all) and has missed more than two weeks because of "sickness."
In my case, DH is on top of it, but with zero help from BM. It's utterly maddening!