When is Gaming a Problem?
Let me start off by saying that overall, although I really dislike the skids, my DH is pretty amazing. He stands up for me (didn't always - but he's made huge progress). He tells me he loves me all the time, he cooks dinner occasionally, remembers to bring home flowers sometimes, etc.
I have one thing that drives me crazy with him: He plays video games ALL the time. Some new game came out last week. He played for 8 hours straight that day. Sometimes he plays until 2-3am. He is a doctor, a professional, and overall not some slacker that sucks at life. He's actually quite successful. BUT - I feel like this is horribly unattractive. Even when he tells me he's only playing a "quick" game - it is over an hour. And, this happens most nights of the week.
This past weekend was supposed to be our weekend with SS10. We had to go out of town, so we couldn't take him the whole weekend. We only had him on Saturday for a few hours. On Friday night, he told me how guilty he felt that he wasn't spending the whole upcoming weekend with him.
So... Saturday rolls around. I am planning on doing some holiday crafts. I ask SS if he wants to help, and DH takes this as a green light to play video games. Then, once we're done... SS goes out into the family room and plays his nintendo thing while DH browses the internet.
DH doesn't make me look after SS, so I am not complaining about that really. It's just that he talks about how much he misses his kids... then when they're at our house, they don't even talk.
It's SO frustrating. A) because I feel neglected when he's gaming. 
because I hate being around the skids to begin with... and its useless time when he doesn't even speak to them.
Does anyone else deal with this? I am considering secretly keeping a log of his playing time and then using it as a discussion point. I don't think he believes he's really playing as much as he does.
I think it's like anything...
I think it's like anything... when it starts affecting your life in a negative way, there's a problem.
My XH was/is a gaming nut. Matter of fact, when he left his kids for good, he left behind EVERYTHING, all of the property I readily gave him in our divorce, and took off... BUT, he took his computer.
He didn't even take his car, but he took his computer.
Damn.
If your DH is open to it, you could try coming up with a "time limit" for gaming.
He might be open to a time
He might be open to a time limit. He knows it bothers me. He tells me it's how he "blows off steam".
He did go months without playing earlier this year because I felt like it was affecting our relationship. But, when he works weird hours at the hospital, he comes home and plays all night bc I am already in bed. Once he does that, it's like he's hooked all over again.
Any free second he gets - sometimes right before we leave to go somewhere, he's playing. He's missed deadlines for things and had to stay up all night doing real work because he's spent a weekend cramming in games whenever he can.
Its frustrating. Thanks, SAF. Maybe I will try the time limit suggestion. I don't even think he realizes how much he plays. He makes promises to me that he won't be playing on "this day, that day, or the day after because we're gonna be busy". But, then he comes home and plays all night.
I don't know what kind of
I don't know what kind of physician he is... whether he's an ER doc, or neurosurgeon, or a PP doctor at a clinic. I would imagine, in my limited knowledge of the medical field, that certain disciplines are more stressful than are others.
If he's "blowing off steam," I can understand that.
Perhaps a calm conversation and an hour limit. Set a timer (not the annoying ticking kind) for 10 minutes before "time's up" so he can "finish his level." Hahaha. Maybe just having a reminder that he's got a family waiting for him will help.
My XH could spend hours, and I mean - like TWELVE - sitting there gaming. I'm surprised his ass didn't fuse to the chair. I don't miss him.
Maybe I am way off base...
Maybe I am way off base... but 2 hours on a weekday and 6 hours on a weekend seems OBNOXIOUS as guidelines.
DH works a minimum of 12 hours a day at the hospital. He also plays golf every weekend for about 6 months out of the year. He also works on his truck a few hours most weekends. He also takes hiking trips every month or so (that I join him for). He also reads (a lot). He also works out 4-5 times a week.
It's not like this is his only hobby. This literally eats up every.single.free.second he has. Then he'll go a long period of time without playing. Then he gets hooked again and seems to lose sense of time.
You're probably right in that I think video gaming is very immature and non-productive. He has many wonderful hobbies that I support and participate in. Sitting in front of a TV until 3am when you have to be at work by 6? That's something that seems addictive and irresponsible.
I know exactly what game you
I know exactly what game you are talking about that just came out, my DH has it too
My DH is completely addicted to Xbox. It is his thing, and he is very good at it. He spends waaaaay too much time on it. However, he has taken strides to realize what was happening. Its also my DH's way to blow off steam and I take it as time to get some of my own things done (I'm a student). It used to be he would totally ignore me but you just have to find ways to get him to see what's happening. I'm not an advocate of being manipulative but a little manipulation in this case is for the greater good. For example, you want DH to spend a little time with you and participate in some adult activity
but he won't get off of the Xbox. Now you're tired of waiting so you go to bed. All of a sudden DH is ready but you are ready to sleep. Say "Your loss, I was ready an hour ago and now I have to get to bed. YOU chose to continue playing, maybe turn the game off sooner next time." So its not a level of manipulation that is hurting anyone but instead you are trying to get him to see what he's missing out on. If I walk by DH in a cute nightie enough times, he gets the point.
Logging his time and using it in a discussion is a terrible idea. Think about it. You're not his mother and that is a mothering thing to do. It will instantly turn him on the defensive so unless you want to hear all of the great things in call of duty's defense, throw the list away as that is what he will do.
He sounds like a very busy person. Yes, he could probably use a time management lesson. It sounds like the things your DH does are active. Xbox is doing something without doing something, AKA he can just sit and relax. Maybe he wants to escape his stressful adult life and so something juvenile. Just don't try to take his hobby away, you will resent each other. Find a hobby for yourself and snub him for it a couple of times!
And I don't know about the kids. My DH will stop Xbox to do some parenting. When my Skids are here, they play xbox with him & love it. Its a bonding thing for them, but its not the only thing they do. Take the batteries from the controllers... I know my DH wouldn't feel like making a trip to the store for batteries and they would have to think of something else to do