Resentment is growing for Disney Dad
SD14 is awful & DH refuses to have a conversation with me about it. (failing grades, disgusting room, disrespect, etc.) He somehow is able to vent to his brother, father, and mother (says the things SD is being difficult with, etc). But if SD14 is ever brought up with ME then DH immediately gets defensive. I am OVER it.
I outright told him yesterday that he treats SD14 differently. He is so blind he doesn't even see it. It came up because of this:
I told him I was working on President's Day and he needed to watch DS4 WEEKS ago. And it was on the kitchen calendar. When I reminded him yesterday he acted as if it was an inconvenience for him. I reminded HIM that SD14 has been at our house for WEEKS on end because of a feud between her and BM... and not ONCE has he told SD14 or BM that it was an inconvenience for him for SD to be here even when it's not his custody time.
So SD14 staying at our house for almost a month is no problem with him... But watching his own son for 6 hours is? Disney Dad is overcompensating for his failed spawn and it is giving me the ICK. Not sure how else to bring it up without him immediately getting defensive about SD. It's the only time we ever argue is about her.
I think this cycle will never end until she is OUT of the house. During Christmas she was feuding with DH, and went almost a 3 weeks without talking to him and refusing to come over for Christmas. It was GLORIOUS.
Maybe I'm a terrible person for feeling this way (about SD14 too), but DH isn't seeing the ramifications of his failed parenting. OPEN YOUR EYES!!!
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Comments
I don't think it's super
I don't think it's super unusual for someone to be fine venting about a family member but be defensive when someone piles on or criticizes them. Like a sibling defending their other sibling.. but also being annoyed by same said sibling.
I would also try to not equate the two situations of him watching the 4 yo and having his older daughter in the home.. clearly watching a young child should be more interactive and require more "presence" for him than just having a teen in the home.. who he doesn't have to constantly supervise (though maybe he should do more..lol).
I would try to address frustration over his attitude without invoking his daughter.. because you don't have to. In and of itself, it should not be a burden for him to care for his chilld.. and I would remind him that you don't appreciate it given the fact that YOU do it much of the time... and don't complain.. so you expect him to handle the RARE instance with more grace... considering you ARE working..it's not so you can jet off to the bahamas.
He’s BS father
He should have nio problem watching BS. He should be planing a daddy son event. Going to the zoo, pet store . Some free activities by the town. Flower show. The kid is 4. He can get some snacks sit in the car a watch the trains go by. Airplanes taking off and landing. Can't beat food and trains.
I think one of the most
I think one of the most frustrating things about situations like this is the lack of trust the bio-parent has with/in his/ her spouse. It does make it seem like the spouse is the outsider. As a couple, you should be able to talk about a step's behavior without defensiveness. It's like a disease some of these guys have (mine has had it in the past).
Daddy guilt is a very difficult thing to break through.
His. Own. Child. apparently
His. Own. Child. apparently he needs constant reminders that he has two children and one of them is still young.
Glad I found this website!
I have been struggling with this for 4 years now, I have SD12 and SS14 and BD7. Somehow the divorced parent guilt always makes them treat the kids from the previous marriage with more care. Well, you know, they're "not as lucky as the young kid with both parents together".
Same here. Can hardly say a word about them, he immediately gets defensive.
At this point I only do when it really affects my own and my daughter's wellbeing.
Glad you're here!
Glad you're here!
It really has nothing at all to do with luck.
This is nothing more than the usual cry of the failed adult, failed partner, and failed parent grasping for an excuse for their own parental failure and for the behavioral disrespectful bullshit of their failed family spawn.
smh
IMHO of course.
Most importantly. Welcome. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful perspective from others who live the dream of the blended family adventure.
Take care of you.