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Badger1986's picture

Submitted by Badger1986 on Sun, 09/18/2022 - 7:05pm

My wife comes home the other day from a friends house and is appalled because her friend tried to make her hug her child. My wife persist by saying, "I don't like to hug or touch someone else's child!" "I don't even like other people's children in that way, I mean I'll be nice but it's awkward." I'm thinking," but you're always trying to get me to hug, kiss, and tell my ss I love him when neither he nor I want to reciprocate those feelings." I just look at her and she says, "what." The entire time I'm thinking, that I've been telling you this about your child for years and you keep pushing it! He's not mine so the relationship is not the same as a bio child. It's just not! Even when we both try! Someone needs a reality check. 

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caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Sun, 09/18/2022 - 11:28pm

But then, in steplife, this type of hypocrisy/ double standard is common in some way shape or form.

No, you don't have to hug, or even like your SK.  Stay strong!

Badger1986's picture

Submitted by Badger1986 on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 7:20am

I know! I've said these things. We've had years to build a relationship and I just don't really mesh with him and that's okay. I've started to disengage about two months now. I don't hate him and I hope he does well in life but his well-being is not my concern. Especially if the family lets him get away with murder! You cannot parent a kid that gets away with things. 

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 11:26am

And feel the same with my adult SD25 Bratty McBratFace.  Just don't like her.

Disengagement is the best thing!

Badger1986's picture

Submitted by Badger1986 on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 7:22am

Yeah it's crazy because I told her the same thing. At the beginning of our relationship I tried to get to know him but between the adhd, calls from school, and just his know it all attitude, I cannot deal but most of all it's because my spouse won't parent him harder. Everything has to be a sitcom moment, instead just give him an ass whipping and send him to his room. His actions doesn't deserve understanding all the time. You would think he was paying mortgage or something with what he gets away with. 

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 9:40am

LOL!

In restaurants, when just DH and I went out together, he'd get so so annoyed by little kids running around or being loud. He'd complain why aren't the parents doing anything or why are they even here?

I'd stare at him, saying nothing. He'd say "What?" I'd respond either with something like, you really don't get it do you? Or like your girls Never were like that...? He'd have no response.

In reality I stopped going out to eat with DH if the SDs were going. For over a year because their behaviors was so bad. And even as they got older I avoided it if possible.

Badger1986's picture

Submitted by Badger1986 on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 10:24am

Oh yeah you're right! My wife does the same thing. She says the kids in the neighborhood don't respect their parents, yet one of the neighbors in the neighborhood said, "gosh my son is just like your ss, annoying." Hahah. My wife just doesn't get it. The only reason I care now is because I want him out at 18, even if he's still around, I don't wanna support him. I've already told her that when he leave the house, she can support him but do not touch my money to do so. I don't see this going well. She wants me to treat him like our biological child but I watched my child be born, and she actually lets me parent our child. We rarely argue when it comes to the bio. For some reason, her son is like a game of thrones prince or something. He can literally be an ass to people but if they're one back she will say, "he's just a child." And I say, "yeah but how long are you going to pull that rabbit out the hat." Honestly my wife is awesome. She's driven, great career, graduate from a prestigious school, and very compassionate, her only downfall is her son. Everything else is perfect. 

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 11:29am

It goes on till age 20.  I've experienced it and it's infuriating.

Now any argument (which is rare) about Bratty - I throw in 'how old is she now?' (25).  LOL.

Badger1986's picture

Submitted by Badger1986 on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 10:26am

In addition to that, when it's jus me and him, he's an awesome kid. No thank, yes please, and helps with chores. The second she comes home he's yelling, jumping off stairs, and not listening. That's not adhd, that's him knowing she's not parenting well 

Badger1986's picture

Submitted by Badger1986 on Mon, 09/19/2022 - 6:55pm

So, my ss came home in another one of his moods today. He was nice to me but he tried to poke at me and I would just ignore him and play with his sibling. That always shuts him up. Since I've disengaged my wife is dealing with all his shit tonight. He didn't wanna do his homework, didn't eat his dinner, got smart with her, acted annoying, and stood on the couch to name a couple things. My wife tried to reason with him but he didn't wanna hear that. She's so worn out with correcting him ALL the time that she is in a pissed mood.  I've gotten smart though, I used to say asshole things but now I just keep my mouth shut and let them deal with it. Instead I got out a board game and played it with my wife. It feels good. I'm not being mean to ss but I'm not worried about what he's doing anymore. You wanna lie, lie. You wanna be malicious, be malicious. Usually I mess up and start being a part of his life again, not this time! And here I am, watching the game, blogging, and reading. And he is literally trying to be nice to me now because he feels my energy and he knows I'm done! *yahoo*