No not this time!
This afternoon I left for the store with my bio-child. I love when we just take in the fall weather and laugh together. It's great to be a dad! Before I left my wife says, " why do you call bio-child love?" And I said, " because bio-child is my love, however you're my first love." Eveyone knows that I believe a marriage comes before children I've always felt this way. She says, "well there's other people in the house to love too." She was talking about ss. I just laughed it off and said, "I love everyone."
As soon as I come back home she takes me aside and tells me that ss school called and said he had a break down at school during a test. I keep cool and say well things happen. (I've disengaged so I don't care what he does honestly). Last week he was bragging about making all A's on his progressive report. Wife comes to me and says, "I don't think he achieved those grades because he struggles with his homework." Ladies and gentlemen my ss is very charismatic and a handsome child. Sadly, teachers ohhh and aww over him but they don't teach him like they should. The few teachers that did had him on discipline charts and didn't even say bye on the last day of school. This is a true story.
So, She tells me to help him with his homework and I say okay. Helped him real quick and moved on. Then she comes upstairs and he's a total ass to her. Yells at her like she's dumb, and she didn't say a word. I had to intervene, starts throwing a tantrum on the floor (he's almost 10) and doesn't wanna talk about it.
She gets quiet and goes in the kitchen, more pissed of then ever, but ohhhhhh not at him at me because she thinks I didn't say enough to him during his breakdown. I nicely said, " you're better at talking to him than I am, and I did speak to him and he ignored it sooo."
At dinner he does it again! He starts off nice and then he's a jerk. He doesn't wanna talk about school. I say a couple words and wife says....ohhh well we shouldn't say it like that. I smile and say okay you got it. And then she gets mad about that.
Folks! This is a classic case of "I don't wanna parent my child syndrome." She's mad because the school calls and I don't pick up and she has to deal with it but guess what, that's the way it's gonna be! Not changing that. She's just mad because he's like his father and it scares her. He's the bad boyfriend. Good looking but dumb as a doorknob. Her ex-husband was a horrible person and her son is showing the same manipulative, lazy, asshole tendencies.
Also, why would I call my ss "my love" if this is all he does. I've known him for 5 years and he's been this way everyday. She's always had the school call or problems with sports teams. why would I love that child! I just don't love him like she does and that's okay. She should know this by now.
Now she's being nice and oh get this after all his tantrums he got screen time and watched a show that he didn't supposed to. Hey, NACHO kid right? Live your life kid, I'm sure you'll do great!
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Comments
Badger - Is biochild a child
Badger - Is biochild a child shared between you and DW? If not, why are you still putting yourself through this bullshit?
You are 100% right. Your DW does not want to parent, she wants you to be the one to do it, but only the way she wants you to do it. She wants control and a scapegoat when things go south. Talk to him like this, help him with that, don't say it this way... You are never going to be good enough to SS in her eyes. DW better get used to parenting because you are better off doing none of it. And if DW refuses to parent, you are also right, that SS will never change.
You seem to be doing good and
You seem to be doing good and maintaining your boundaries! That's really great! Stay the course and she will figure it out.
People say that kids don't cause divorce, but the reality is, in 2nd marriages they can be a large contributing factor. At the end of the day it is your wife's job to be this child's parent. Not yours. It isn't about you marry me you have to be a parent to my child. A marriage only has 2 people in it. You go above and beyond and the only thing she should be is grateful for what you have done to this point. If she figures out how to control her kid (10 isn't too late for this!), maybe you will be inclined to do more? But as it stands now... Nope right out of it!
She's got such a chip on her
She's got such a chip on her shoulder about SS. A lot of misplaced anger and frustration from the both of them towards you. Keep an eye on your biokid to make sure they don't start directing their anger at them too.
It's sad because age 10 is when boys got full on a$$hole mode and if they don't get good parenting through it then the change can be permanent. Preteen lazy jerk is about as mature as many men get, it's a critical time.
My DH uses the same nicknames for SD and for me and some of them just don't work both ways. I shouldnt get called "my little love" and she shouldn't get called "babe." But he gets in this cutesy mode and starts treating us the same.
For some reason our two girls together escape the dumb nicknames and have their own nicknames. I used to fight with DH about how annoying it was that he used the same pet names for SD and me when we were both together. Either give us our own pet names or just use my real name because I don't want to have to hear "Babe! Not you" over and over on SD weekends. After a while I stopped responding at all and after a few "babe, babe, baaabe"s I said "oh I thought my name was "not you." "
Love
Sorry but - Love and My Love are reserved for Husband. Sweety I use for both. Or Honey... lol.
So, your DW wants it all ways as long as it is her ways! Well she cant cherry pick what you care about and you dont have "love goggles" for SS. She has the "love goggles" on and of course she doesnt want to admit that there is anything of ex in him, because Golden Uterus Syndrome is a thing. Hes perfect because her uterus is golden.
Keep on with the disengagement. And keep putting your energies into Bio Child...SS has a parent who is not willing to parent, and thats all on them.
I was going to say the same
I was going to say the same thing! I hated when DH would say "Hello my love" when SD called. Thank God that shit stopped a couple years ago!