Going to explode like a volcano
Last night my stepson went into the freezer and got a popsicle before he went to bed. The freezer is full of breast milk that my wife froze about 4 months ago. Probably only a good two weeks worth but it's hard to produce breast milk, so my wife protects it like gold. We are feeding our bio-son soft foods and synthetic milk, so we do not use it much.
This morning I hear my wife cussing at the top of her lungs. My wife never curses unless something bad happenes. I'm getting our son ready for the morning and I'm thinking that our friedge went out again. We've had problems with it (beautiful friedge that the last homeowners bought but not worth a dime). But in my heart of hearts I know it's something my ss did,however, I wasn't going to blame him for anything, I am trying to do that less because she gets defensive.
I go upstairs and she says, "you left the fucking friedge open!" I'm like, "whoa let's not blame anyone here we all use it and I don't think it's cool to do that." She insist that it was me. So, I say nicely, ss was the last one that used the freezer. "You're always blaming him!" Inicely state, "I'm telling you what I saw because I had to have a talk with him about leaving wrappers on the couch because the baby is starting to stand and crawl and he will chock and die." "No matter who did it you should apologize to me." She says, "you don't apologize to him when you're wrong." Again, he's up stairs playing his little game and no where near the carnage.
What really pisses me off is that she never yells at him like that. We bought two new cars off the lot 2 years ago. My ss scratched up one with his bike constantly. My wife says, "oh well he's just trying to get his bike out the garage, oh well he just needs help." No he's fucking lazy and he doesn't wanna go the long way but hey that's the car that you drive, not mine. This is common with my wife. It's almost like he's her mini-husband.
I am currently downstairs drinking my coffee and then I'm going to take a drive or walk because if I don't, I'm going to burn this place down! Oh I hear ss running down from his room (in real time) she just said nothing about the freezer! SMH
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My formerSS did this ALL THE
My formerSS did this ALL THE TIME. To the point I quit pumping, because why. He was THIRTEEN and "forgot" to close the freezer a lot. Then when I was unable to leave baby to do something SO wanted to do, it was "I should quit breastfeeding", not, too bad there is no milk cuz your 13yr old can't remember to close freezer door. Of course, this was not his only "overlooked" bad behavior.
His dad, my formerSO would make excuses, or say its not that big of deal, sometimes he would "talk to him" (oh no! lol).
Notice I said former for both. It won't change. Either you can put up with it, or you can't. I couldn't, and I wasn't going to have my son grow up in that environment either.
You have choices - they are hard to make, but there really are only 2.
Thank you! I've removed
Thank you! I've removed myself from the situation with a step before I can do it again! I am super pissed because she has the nerve to blame me without even asking everyone what happened! I've seen her son 9 do things all the time and she never gets mad and end the conversation with "I love you." It's so bad sometimes that her mom says that it was like the Bates Motel before I came along. She says that her daughter is not a strong parent all the time.
Oh and get this, when it
Oh and get this, when it comes to our bio don. We rarely argue how to parent him! It's like because ss doesn't have a father she has a force field around him!
I can’t believe she actually said you have to apologise
Even if its someone elses fault.
I think its time for cameras or nannycams
A marriage is based on trustand there doesn't seem to be much from your wife
It makes me mad because
It makes me mad because anything that deals with him it becomes a problem, not just with me but with anyone around rather it's teachers or family members. No one can say that her precious son did something wrong and if she knows he did it, she shrugs it off. This is why the family believes he's damned to do anything in life because she's so easy on him. And you're right, if she would've said, "hey someone left the fridge open and we shouldn't be doing this." I would have said, "yeah this sucks and we all need to do better." But to just blame me when I've seen him leave the freezer open countless times, pisses me off!
Good on you for calling your Dw on her bullshit.
Mine went through a phase where I would get in troubke for defending myself in an argument.
Initially when she would get angry for me defending myself I would get very angry. Then, during one incident, I could not help but to bust out in laughter. Not just a chuckle, a full on out of control belly laugh with tears rolling down my face I was laughing so hard.
She got so angry at me. After that I immediately busted into laughter when she would play the get mad at me for defending myself in arguments card.
It only took a few incidents of me laughing raucously and she stopped that behavior.
Don't burn the house down. Laugh at her. With a clear statement that her demands for an apology for her spawn ruining the breast milk is pathetic and ridiculous. Follow that up with informing her that either she apologizes to you and confronts SS or you will confront him and neither one of them will like that happening.
smh
I love this! I laugh at her
I love this! I laugh at her all the time and she loses it. We talked about and she said she talked to ss. I said well did you yell at him? No, he's a kid and I handle him diffently. I said it doesn't matter if I'm in my 30s and he's 9. We should have respect for each other. I honestly wasn't going to blame him because I was not in the mood for a fight because I don't feel well and college football is one haha. Long story short, she feels like I blame him for everything, however, we correct the same behavior a million times! That's why I blame his sorry little ass!
So I just talked to my ss and
So I just talked to my ss and I was real about it and told him that it's not cool that he gets to be absent when shit hits the fan. I told him for now on he needs to check anything that he should close or we tell him to do. I will not let him hide out in his room while I take the blame. Everyone needs to be held accountable. He told me his mom talked to him about it, nicely of course. I told him that it's time to tighten shit up in this house and for now on he will be coming down from his room and talking things out! Funny thing is he never gets mad and is very respectful when I come at him like a young man.
Your wife was out of line
Your wife is out of line to accuse you like that. She could have said "Hon, did you accidentally leave the fridge open last night?" Instead she chose to yell at you, and when you called her on it, she said "You never apologize to him when you are wrong." This kind of justification for her behavior is really immature. It sounds like she doesn't really know how to communicate very well. Have you guys thought about couples therapy? This way the therapist can be the "bad guy" and call her out, and reaffirm what you have been trying to tell her. Otherwise, I fear for your relationship.
You are not wrong. She needs to hold her son accountable for the mistakes he makes, so that he can learn.
So update! I spoke with my
So update! I spoke with my wife in a nice tone after we put our infant down for a nap. Apparently she thinks I blame ss for everything. I told her I blame him when I see him do things. Funny enough he comes down stairs with a nose bleed and guess why?! He keeps putting a blanket up his nose after we keep telling him not to! We've told him 100 times but she handles him so nicely! We have done couples therapy and she got pissed because the therapist said that she needs to understand that her child is not on the same level as I am. He's a child and I'm her husband. Kids grow up and leave the nest but marriages last longer. She hasn't been back since. I told her that we neeed to start talking once a week about things when it comes to parenting ss because obviously what we are doing now is NOT working.
I went through something
I went through something similar. My ex SS (an adult) would repeatedly do little things around the house that he knew my ex husband would get p*ssed about, then sit back and enjoy as I got my a%% chewed out. My ex husband would either be berating me so intensely that I couldn't get a word in or I would manage to say, "I didn't do that" and he would know I didn't, but he would still be rude about it to me. Never said a word to his son about any of it. Once, my ex husband was mad at me for "losing the chip bag clips." He was super nasty to me and went on a 3 hour tirade about these bag clips. I would calmly interject periodically, "I put them where they are supposed to go, in the drawer to the left of the stove." He would ignore me, continue berating me and being absolutely disgusting to me. I finally went into his son's room on a hunch and found 5 - 6 open bags of chips with chip clips on them. I calmly said, "I think they're in your son's room." So he goes into his son's nasty room and sees this is where all his precious chip clips are. He walked out of his son's room and shut his mouth, but he never apologized to me. He nicely told his son when his son got back from his mom's, "Please don't keep all the chip bags and clips in there, I was looking for the chip clips the other day." He NEVER apologized to me.
I hate to say this, but your wife sounds like my ex: her son can do no wrong. I agree with SteppedOut, you really only have two choices. If you think this mini-spouse behavior with her son is going to stop, you're wrong. It will get worse.
Right?!
Wait until this kid is a teen! It will be 10,000x worse.
Exactly!!!!! Her mom told her
Exactly!!!!! Her mom told her that you better straighten him up before he's older! My father used to get a belt and handle us! Our beds were made and chores done. My mother was too leanient and that's why my older siblings didn't do anything with their lives!
Grrrr!
That's sad! It's funny
That's sad! It's funny because she's never really yelled like that before. She had a couple excuses but I told her that, that doesn't make it okay. I also told her that we needed to work on some things because I don't like the way this is heading. I told my ss just now that he's going to be coming down for now on and stating his case. Either she can change this behavior or it won't be good. We've tried to tell her that a lot but it's like she doesn't listen. We hear about the same things happened at school from his teachers. He's in a rush and a slob.
Defending skids to the point
Defending skids to the point of absurdity is what really gets me. They couldn't possibly do anything wrong. We are at fault for blaming them. I've been there. It's absolutely infuriating. And she didn't even say anything to him, when a "hey Everyone needs to make sure they close the freezer" statement would have been absolutely appropriate. Unbelievable.
You have my sympathies. It is
You have my sympathies. It is beyond infuriating when a parent refuses to correct their child's behavior. I would be tempted to buy a small fridge/freezer and put all my stuff in there. Then when poopsie leaves the door open once again and your wife complains, you can just shrug.