Here we go again!
Every year my ss will start faking sick when school work gets hard. He's on an IEP (which is not my favorite thing because I just think he's lazy) but brags about how smart he is but when school work gets hard he starts playing sick. Last night he started saying my stomach hurts. His mom did a great job at telling him to take some medicine and go to sleep. This morning he started saying he thought he had COVID. Okay doogie, you're a real doctor to be 9. I am disengaged but I told I jumped in and told him that I know that he doesn't like school and when it gets hard he plays sick but this is the reality of life. You go to school. I also told him do not lie to your teacher and say that you're sick because I will not make an effort to run and pick you up. He only does this through the week but never on the weekends. My wife was good at making him just sit there at home and not watch any screens when he was "sick" however one day I came home and he was laid up playing a video game and eating a snack. My wife was like well he cannot just sit there. I was pissed because every time we join together and tell him to stay in his room and rest he magically gets better the next day but my wife just cannot stick to the plan. Her wittle baby has to be around in some form or fashion.
He knows that he can get away with playing sick and momma comes and rescue him all the time. I told him that I will not be doing that. He thinks because we work from home we are just available to him any time. I told him if I am in a meeting he will have to wait for his mom to come get him. I know he's not sick because he was chasing the dog around the house and talking talking talking about video games. What the hell is wrong with these kids these days?! He wants so much in life but has no drive or ambition or care for schooling at all!
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You need a new rule at your
You need a new rule at your house: if you're sick you go straight to bed and rest. No electronics, no tv, nothing fun. Maybe a book. Make it as boring AF to "be sick".
Exactly! That's what me and
Exactly! That's what me and my wife established but everytime it's working she goes back to the old way! She does it because ss will constantly pester her with any and everything and she gets tired of it. I just send him upstairs in his room with nothing to do but rest. I also say he can only have soup. No treats! Again, it's her fault. She always talks about how her mom didn't listen to her or save her from things, so she's going all out with ss to compensate for her shortcomings as a child. It's annoying. I know when ss is sick because he will lay down on the couch and sleep. He doesn't chase the dog and talk about Minecraft for 100 hours.
Also I made a mistake on my
Also I made a mistake on my post earlier. It's what the hell is up with parents these days?! The children just go with what they can get away with. Parents get ran over like roadkill these days. My mom used to leave me at the school because she was working. I would just sit in the nurses office with my head down until the end of the day. She knew when I was sick! And when I just wanted to be at home. And she wants having it!
School won't let kids just
School won't let kids just sit in the nurses office all day anymore. They call and want you to pick kid up IMMEDIATELY.
When I was in grade school, the nurse's office had 2 (nice!) cots with beds, pillows, sheets and blankets in a small room off her "office". The nurse could even give you Tylenol or Advil without a note (gasp)! If you didn't have a fever, typically she would let you lay down a bit to rest and see if you felt better and could go to class, if not, parents were called. But, kids usually didn't fake sick to get out of school ...now....pft.
My son (almost six) recently told his teacher he had "diarrhea". She sent him to the nurse, nurse called me for pick up AND he couldn't come to school the following day. Nurse advised he had no fever when she called.
What really happened? He held his poop (he doesn't like pooping at school). All of a sudden, it was an "emergency poop"...you can only hold it for so long.
I knew when I arrived by the look on his face that he was fine. But nurse was "convinced" he had it because he told her exactly what diarrhea was.
*EYE ROLL*
Spoiler - he did NOT have diarrhea. He was 100% freaking fine. Still couldn't go back to school the next day though. My son was upset he couldn't go to school and was "bored" at home. I believe that will be the last time he talks about "diarrhea" unless there is a big problem (at least until he is older). Particularly now that I have explained to him what it ACTUALLY is.
The school is often just as guilty as the child.
It doesnt get better
SD16 Pouty mc Pouterson - Husband is practically BEGGING her to complete her online permit class. She claimes to have completed 10 out of 11 chapters. Husband tells her her will buy her a car. "all my friends parents buy them cars". sheesh.
I would make her save for her
I would make her save for her own car. Ss said that he wanted a tesla. I said, "do you have Tesla money?"
It's sad because she wants
It's sad because she wants the car but doesn't want to put the work in! My ss said that he needed a leather jacket for picture day. I told him you don't need anything. You want it. He says, "can't we just buy it." Hell no! Do you think you're Tom cruise or something? This comes from my wife always buying him things but if I told him to work for it he would say never mind. I've seen this 100 times!
A book would have been the
A book would have been the only entertainment and confined to the bedroom so that no one else "catches" what he has. Sick has to be boring!
I will say that my kids know they get one "hookie" day a quarter. I have found over the years that knowing they have that day is important, and they take it- but they also know they don't get another one for a while, so they hold on until they really "need" a day off. Maybe approach that with your wife and see if something like that won't cut down on the faking days. You get to ask the question of "Are you sure this is the day you want this quarter, because you won't get another one for 6 weeks!" (or however long it is away).
Yeah, those are good points.
Yeah, those are good points. We both agreed on him having books when he's sick. My wife always changed back. I also think it's a great idea to implement a mental health day. We've done this but didn't go into deep conversation. I think we should do exactly what you said and let him know that he has one a quarter. My ss wants control over his life. Some of that is great, I love independence but you still have to deal with life too. I like your ideas.
You have a wife problem.
You have a wife problem. Mommy is sabotaging and flip-flopping decisions.
Yes! Quick Update: I took
Yes! Quick Update: I took some advice from the fellow bloggers and tried to talk to my wife about it. I told her that it would be good to talk through what ss is going through but also make sure that he understands that if he doesn't talk to us about potential stress that may cause the "I'm sick" story than it's hard to help him. I even said we can implement a couple mental health days as long as he doesn't abuse it. All she could talk about was not making him feel wanted or believed. She even said that he should be able to watch tv ot play video games if he's sick. Okay, I'm stepping away again. Should've just left it alone! You deal with the pissy brat when CPS gets involved!
Definitely step back. If SS
Definitely step back. If SS is going to play the sick card, Mom is responsible. She picks him up, she monitors his activity and illness, etc. Unless he is truly sick, ignore.
Good advice. Every time I try
Good advice. Every time I try to be rational it never helps.
Does the school call you
Does the school call you directly or a house phone? Let it go to voicemail and screen the call. Unless the kid is heading to the ER, let his mother know she needs to handle it.
If she won't acknowledge that
If she won't acknowledge that he is faking, there is nothing you can do.
You are right, let her deal with the fall out of failing and his inability to launch in life because he was never called on his shit. As parents it is our job to correct behavior at home so the rest of the world doesn't deal with our brats.
A word of caution. If the 9 yr old never has repercussions, do you think he will at 18, 20, 25? How long are you going to support him in your home as a grown man? These are conversations to have now, not later. My Dh and I were talking about this stuff from early dating. My kids have no special needs, but DH's oldest does. We had to figure out how we planned to navigate that one kid might always live with us while the others would have through college with conditions. Those expectations have been ingrained from an early age, that they will graduate, go to college or trade school, be responsible for their own financials, if they live at home pay rent, that they could not live at home after college/college age, ect. Now at almost 15 and 17 they KNOW what they have to do. There is no question. This was just dinner conversations with them. We would wind up talking about someone we know who had an older child and then turn it to "Just so you guys know, that isn't going to work around here. You will be expected____"
We've talked about this and
We've talked about this and the rule is that if you go to college in the area you can stay for one year, if you do not you have to leave in 6 months. I hope she doesn't change what we've decided.
The past is a great predictor
The past is a great predictor of the future. Sounds like she flips on everything...so chances are she will on that too.
You are the only one in this relationship that will ever change. You will have to decide if you can put up with "more". Definitely don't sit around waiting for her to change - she won't.
You're always right on the
You're always right on the money!
Every time a kid throws the fake "I'm sick" bullshit,
particulary when they play the bullshit COVID card... parents need to sit the kid down and shove the 6" loing Q-tip up their nose to collect the sample for the home COVID test. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Not to mention that if a kid is too sick to go to school or so sick they need to be picked up, they park their ass in bed for the entire weekend with no phones, tables, laptops, etc.... They can do homework.
Misery is a great lesson for this kind of crap.
That's the thing! He's not a
That's the thing! He's not a dumb child! He may not be academically smart but he's a deep thinker. He knows what's going on in the world, so he will use it to his advantage. He's unlike most 9 year olds. Even his teachers say they admire his thinking but he's very childish. Oh we have some home test! It's so crazy because it takes her having him pull this bullshit several times before she gets pissed and says, "you were right." Last night he said it again but then he took a whole bag of flaming Cheetos to school. Now how in the hell does your stomach hurt but you're eating flaming Cheetos by the large bag?
She won't do it though. She
She won't do it though. She just cannot let her poor son without a father be up stairs and doing nothing. He has to be comfortable! My therapist said it's bullshit and that she just doesn't wanna deal with correcting him all day. One time I counted and she corrected him 34 times. " stop jumping off the stairs, eat your dinner, stop being obnoxious, stop jumping on the dod." It gets to the point where she's quiet at the end of the night and has noooo energy.
So all she does is nag at him
So all she does is nag at him but never gives him any consequences for his behaviour?
Thermometer
Our kids had to have a temperature. So, some started playing hookey.
Not the oral or forehead kind
Not the oral or forehead kind... *diablo*
Definitely a job for the bio
Definitely a job for the bio parent - ewwwww.
Exactly!
Exactly!
Yeah I never do it for him. I
Yeah I never do it for him. I don't touch him in that manor and never will. He's just failing at school and doesn't want to be there. It's so crazy that a 4th grader hates school. Even on the weekends he talks about how he doesn't want to go to school. I'm always amazed at how his grandpa hypes him up and talks about him being a astronaut or engineer. Bullshit, more like an engineer of burgers! I told him he had to work at it if he wanted to be an astronaut. He said that he didn't wanna do the hard work and he will do something else.....*help* haha
I was joking!
I was joking!
Seriously, this all needs to be the responsibility of his mother. ALL of it. She doesn't respect your input and is failing her son with her lack. You cannot force her to actually parent, but you can put all responsibility on her.