What should we do in the interim on our side to show his son we care?
Last week was father’s day and my husband got to FaceTime his son. I got my husband some stuff for father’s day because I am pregnant and he has a son. I had considered reaching out to his son mom so that I can speak to his son and ask if there was something he wanted me to get his dad for father’s day. I decided against it because I felt like it would be weird and awkward since I didn’t know him and we live in two different countries. But, I did put his name on the card and gift that I got my husband and my husband open the gifts in front of him on FaceTime.
But, his son spent most of the call speaking to people in the background and doing other stuff than actually participating or talking with his dad. My husband basically had to be vying for his attention over the people in the background. Also his son didn’t mention or say anything about sending my husband a card in the mail. He drew a lovely picture of a cartoon he used to watch with my husband when he was younger. He only signed his name at the bottom, but either his mom or someone else wrote the ‘Happy Father’s Day' at the top. When my husband spoke to him next he told him he received his card and thanks. He got all shy and didn’t want to appear in front of the camera. For the last couple of calls his son just seems to be preoccupied with other things going on in the background, not showing his face and unresponsive to my husband.
We are concerned that his son is trying to tell us that he really misses his dad and doesn’t know how to express it any other way. He hasn’t seen his dad for almost a year due to me not having a visa for Christmas and also because of the pandemic my husband was unable to see him in March plus the baby and all. Not to mention he went over two months with no communucation whatsoever between them. He probably feels left behind and forgotten and is trying to make my husband feel that way too.
He has brought it up with his son’s mother; she got frustrated at him always pestering her about something and how there is always something wrong no matter what she does kind of 'what now' rant. She is about to be served on filing we’ve made to regularize phone contact and possible summer visits. What do you all think we should do in the interim? We are quite concern because we do want to show that there is an established relationship between father and son as well as that my husband is an active parent. But we feel like his son is pulling away at a critical.
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Comments
Well, this mother does not
Well, this mother does not want her son to have a positive and active relationship with his father, and with that, and the different countries issue, your DH is fighting an uphill battle to have a relationship with his son.
She definitely isn't doing
She definitely isn't doing all she can. She believes that their relationship should be up to them and that she should not have to facilitate or share information. But he is a child, he cannot be expected to share information between parents.
Ma'am you are not seeing the
Ma'am you are not seeing the reality of ALL THIS.
Here is my answer.
Move to the states, move to the same town that DH's son is in and become citizens.
THEN he might have a chance to see his boy. If he is lucky
When a mom doesnt want a dad to see the child---trust me, HE WONT.
Your husband can live 4thousand miles away or 4 blocks away. It just doesnt matter IF mom is 'one of those women'.
It isn't that simple we can't
It isn't that simple we can't just move to the US, you need to be sponsored somehow. Initially my husband tried to be sponsored after he finished school in the US but I guess because of the economy at that time he didn't get sponsored. I mean it is something we are considering for the future.
My husband feels very bad about the current state of the relationship with his son. It is a very hard situation we just want to mitigate the damage to his son the best way we can. I think on both sides they are afraid of becoming a distant memory for each other.
Well, I would guess at this
Well, I would guess at this point, that it's mostly on your husband's side that the fear lies - his son is likely going to fall victim to his mother's attempts to poison him against his father. And if your SS is in NY, they are very pro-mother - it will be a long slog to get custody rights, is my guess.
It is very hard to move to the US right now, under the current administration, your husband's best bet is to get a job here (not now, maybe next year) if he qualifies for a work visa, that can lead to permanent residency.
We were planning on working
We were planning on working on this two years from now because he is sort of bound by contract to staying on the island currently. But, it isn't guaranteed that we'd get the sponsorship or how long it will take or if he'll get a job in the same state. I guess the fear is that getting back into the swing of things with a teenager is going to be way harder or impossible than with a child. I don't know, I just hate seeing my husband so wound up over this entire situation.