Eternally the Villain
No advice really needed here, just need to vent a bit.
I guess I just need to accept that it will always be my fault. I've disengaged from so much, but for some reason am still bothered when the blame gets pointed me... always.
We haven't seen SS much the last three months. After my disengagement, and refusal to take SS for a week at a time while DH was on the road SS just hasn't been here. DH has been home now for two months. When DH came back in town and approached BM about resuming week to week visitation, she declined and told him no (he has the text messages). DH, of course, didn't press the issue and we've seen SS about 3 times since for very short periods of time.
The last visit they worked out I offered to pick up SS, as I was going to be driving past his house on my home and DH was already at our house with the bios. I never left the car, or talked to anyone during the pickup. I pulled in the driveway, SS came out and got in the car and we left. The next day I went about my normal weekend routine and went to visit my family leaving DH and SS at home. No big deal. When I came home later, DH informed me that BM had scooped in and picked up SS about 30 minutes after I left. Whatever, not totally unexpected.
Fast forward to this evening and I'm doing taxes. Per our brand new CO last spring, we get to claim SS this year. Great. However, gut feeling says this won't be so easy. I asked DH to contact BM and confirm that her hubby (she doesn't work) hadn't already claimed him. Shocker of all shockers, yup they have already filed... and claimed SS. And can you guess their reasoning that they get to claim him despite the CO? Because MISPLACEDMOM said that DH didn't want SS to visit anymore at all. Apparently, the whole situation has been twisted from my not wanting to take care of SS while DH is out of town into "DH never wants to see SS again because Misplacedmom said so". DH did call her on it, but it didn't make much of a difference, and he conceded to taking his turn next year. I'll believe that when I see it.
To put some icing on the cake, DH asked me to look up SS's phone number in DH's phone because it was sitting near me. While doing so I got a peak at the latest text exchange. After the last visit SS texted DH and appologized for departing so abruptly. According to SS, BM came to get him because the plan for the weekend was that Misplacedmom was supposed to drop SS back off at BM's house when I went out to meet my family. She was apparently upset that I did not read her mind and do this. Or maybe we had an imaginery conversation in her head and she didn't tell me. Also SS doesn't provide more than 2 word answers to questions verbally, so I'm totally shocked that he had the energy to type a paragraph to DH about why the whole thing was my fault. Whatever.
I shall continue to steer clear of as much of the sh*t show as I can.
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Comments
You sure BM didn't type that
You sure BM didn't type that paragraph? Take a big step back and dont do pickups again.
I'm thinking that one of the
I'm thinking that one of the adults at his house wrote it. Honestly, despite the fact I was blamed for the whole thing, I was initially happy to see that he had reached out to DH at all. We have had major PAS issues over the years, so anything opens the door to SS talking to DH freely would've been a win.
The whole me picking up thing, was a simple logistics thing. Instead of me driving past their house to go home so DH could jump in the car and back track over there, it just seemed so simple to pick him up on my way. I live, I learn.
It's like living in an alternate universe where the rules are made up and reality doesn't matter.
Do you think bio mum will agree to the dad claiming him for 2
yrs in a row to make up for the fact she claimed it again when it wasn’t her turn? Of course not!!
I will be suprised if DH ever
I will be suprised if DH ever gets to claim him. I'm positive it will be some excuse next year as well.
He should go ahead and claim
He should go ahead and claim them too. It will get rejected, then IRS will send a letter saying he can't claim them. If he shows them the CO proving he can claim them, BM and her hubs may have to pay the deduction back. It won't be easy but probably worth the $$.
I haven't submitted ours yet.
I haven't submitted ours yet... I wondered what would happen if SS was claimed by both.
For this very reason you
For this very reason you remain disengaged. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do, some way, some how, it always comes down to evil SM. I understand completely why you picked him up but do you see how that went....It's unreal! Next year can you and H try to file taxes claiming SS first so that way BM doesn't get the chance to?
I'm confused - why is your DH
I'm confused - why is your DH just letting BM control the visitation time? If he has court-ordered time, he needs to take her back to court for withholding SS.
As for the taxes, my DH just gave up on trying to claim SS. BM had to fill out a form allowing it and he didn't want to deal with her.
Why is DH letting BM controll
Why is DH letting BM controll visititation? Why has DH let BM control everything SS related for the past 12 years? I will never know.
yes^^ this.
yes^^ this.
I can understand as the NCP he declined his time due to travel for work.. but has he been gone 100% of the time since?
It sounds like your DH needs to be more proactive on exercising his visitation. and by that he needs to make it happen. not you.
Re the taxes.. it's possible that 1. BM didn't tell her DH to change the status.. or 2. her DH/BM felt that since your DH wasn't exercising his visitation that they were taking on more and so "deserved" to take it.. You can try to claim it.. but at this point, I'm fairly certain it will get returned on your return.. and cause a headache.. not saying you shouldn't pursue it.. but maybe if your DH gets her husband and her to state in writing they won't file next year.. it might be easier.
ESMOD, I don't disagree with
ESMOD, I don't disagree with any of this. At this point in the game, I'm just attempting to stand back as an observer.
That's really the best thing
That's really the best thing you can do. DH needs to exercise his visitation and he has to deal with BM/courts/IRS about the taxes. Let the Big Boy figure it out. Sit back with the popcorn and stay out of it.