Custodial arrangements and bio parent birthdays
Within CO what is the usual remit around kids seeing their bio parents on their birthday? Is this something that is discussed in a CO?
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Within CO what is the usual remit around kids seeing their bio parents on their birthday? Is this something that is discussed in a CO?
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I'm a bit rusty on my CO
I'm a bit rusty on my CO facts but it always was for me and when my niece had hers done a couple years ago parents birthdays were mentioned.
it just occured to me that
it just occured to me that you might mean the kidlets birthday, yes, it usually is written into the CO
Depends on the forethought of
Depends on the forethought of the parents and how the CO is written. If you have a high conflict parent in the mix, you will need it spelled out specifically in the CO. If you have sane adults who follow the CO, there is probably some flexibility for special occasions and skids attendance.
TBH.. it probably is easiest
TBH.. it probably is easiest to have it mentioned.. but keep it with the normal visitation schedule.. parents will generally end up getting a mix.. I don't think any kid will be sad about a double celebration.. one on the day with one parent.. and another on next visitation with the other.
Perhaps.. a mandatory allowance for a phone call from the ncp at the time?
Do you mean the child's
Do you mean the child's birthday or the parent's birthday? My CO didn't mention birthdays. The holidays that were split where each parent got to see the kid for part of it were Christmas Day, Thanksgiving Day, and Easter. Mom got kids on Mother's Day and Dad got kids on Father's Day. All other "holidays" were celebrated as close as possible while following the CO. But - if a parent having the child on the parent's own birthday is important to them - they can add it if they want.
Sorry I meant parents
Sorry I meant parents birthdays
My personal opinion is that
My personal opinion is that an adult doesn't need to be validated by their child on their birthday.. every one has them.. and the people that insist on "birthday months" and being center of attention.. are self centered tbh.
I would actually think that in many cases a bio parent would want a child free birthday to enjoy an ADULT trip or celebration..
When young.. the kids may miss their parent's birthday.. when older.. they should be taught to recognize these days for other people besides themselves.. and kids should be able to call their parent.. and it would be lovely if the other parent would facilitate.. but I wouldn't always be holding my breath.
I guest it depends on how unreasonable the bio
Parents are. Some bio parents want there kids to spend time with the other parent and it's not needed others every second must be accountable. Day, pick up time drop off time who doing it . Etc.ect. I think if you are asking, you need it. You must put in all times you want
I think what I have learned
I think what I have learned from this site.
"When in doubt.. SPELL IT OUT"
don't leave things to chance.
This, if spending their
This, if spending their birthday with their kid is important to the bio parent then agreeing arrangements in advance and putting it in the CO is a wise idea.
Personally I feel adults can wait to celebrate their birthday with their kid until the next parenting time, but I know some people feel differently.
To be honest.. what tends to
To be honest.. what tends to be a bigger issue and sometimes unpredictable is when people outside the family units plan things.. like grandma's 90th birthday etc.. or aunties big holiday dinner.. sometimes a skid just won't be available.. so if the parents aren't able to reasonably acoomodate.. kids will miss out.
Agree. I had 3 holidays
Agree. I had 3 holidays spelled out and just found that working the rest around my custody schedule was the lowest-stress option. We also had that each parent was entitled to up to 2 weeks per year vacation time outside the CO but required at least 2 weeks (might have been 4, i forget) notification. First to schedule the vacation got the claim on those days. I typically only "took" one week vacation per year. But, it depends on what's important to you. If having your kid for National Pepperoni Pizza Day every year is important, put it in!
In our case, the CO only
In our case, the CO only mentions Christmas, Thanksgiving and spring break. It usually works out that SS's birthday alternates and BM is not high conflict, so it's never been an issue.
A couple of times, she has asked to have him for her birthday when the schedule hasn't fallen that way. DH hasn't had a problem obliging. She's also offered to adjust so DH can have SS on his day as well, but DH kind of prefers for his birthday to be just the two of us doing our thing kid-free.
But, again, we have a LCBM, so schedules tend to be drama-free.
The only drama we've had came when my family would do something when SS was with BM. It took a while for DH to wrap his head around the idea that, with 18 people involved, my family was going to do birthday celebrations when the most people could attend. They weren't going to plan solely around the custody schedule (unless it involved SS's birthday, of course).
The only B-day mentioned in
The only B-day mentioned in our CO was SS's. His B-day is late summer and the CO stipulated that SpermLand visitation could not include his birthday 2yrs in a row. The visitation schedule was long distance and the Spermidiot's B-day is during the school year. The CO was clear that the visitation schedule could not cause SS to miss school. So, no Spermidiot spawnday visits with SS for the SpermClan.
They never once took their visitation to include SS's B-day. Though they did nearly every year beg for extra time so he could have his B-day in SpermLand. Nope, they never allowed DW to have the COd 10days with SS after the first 10days of their 5wk Summer visitation. They never wanted to surrender him for July 4th. So, no Skid B-day for them. Their 5wks of visitation, that they picked the start date for always ended prior to SS's B-day. So, it was their choice to not have him on his birthday but used it as a begging victim point in their manipulative bullshit fests.
Even the final Summer visitation they took to keep SS from his mom on July 4th then they begged for more time to get him for his 18th B-day. We did agree to that. Out of the goodness of our hearts and because SS asked if he could stay an extra 2wks.
We did not want to piss SS off just before turning 18 and risk him throwing a tantrum and not coming home after aging out from under the CO on his 18th B-day.
DH and BM had it in their CO
DH and BM had it in their CO that parents would get kids on their own birthdays. PITA for any partner. So on DH's bday we cannot do anything fun together, it must incorporate SDs. This is the last year of that thank goodness! Actually, this PAST birthday was the last one! YSD will be at college this year and no more CO! WHOOOPIE!