SS10 wants to switch to a week to week schedule and more.
SS10 would like to switch to week to week his reasoning be that it will be easier for him to remember and that he will have equal time with both parents along with establishing his freindhsips and place in each home rather than feeling like a guest in one and a prisoner in another. Our current schdeule which has been the scheudle since it was established back in 2012 when SS10 was 2 is wed 6pm - fri 6pm alternating weeks Thurs 6pm - Sunday 6pm. SS10 feels that he is getting older and would like to be with his dad a little longer as he growing into a young man and his dad and I are the only ones who help him with his homework and his dad always practices with him for sports and gives him pointers.
BM is custodial parent and we share joint custody. SS10 does not get along with his mom for many private reasons, he also feels that she is never wanting to hear him out or cares about what he wants because all she does is drink and smoke all the time and talk about money and shes is also on bf #5. SS10 said he tried to ask his mom for a week to week and she got angry to the point he felt fumes would come out of her ears and she proceeded to blast a song lets get money the whole ride home never answering him, he tried a second time and she got angry and ignored him, he asked her if he could speak to his dad about a week to week and she screamed No at him.
BM also has a court case with her parents (Maternal grandparents) they are only allowed to see SS10 once a month she hasn't had contact with them for 10 years until her recent break up and now she has been leaving SS10 in their care or in camp for 12 hours a day, camp ends at 6pm SS10 says she gets off around 3:30pm and goes home to watch a movie on netflix and picks him up at last minute which is the latest she can grab him at 5:40pm because he says everytime she gets him she says sorry I got stuck watching a movie... SS10 also doesn't feel comfrontable staying with maternal grandparents as they are always working on court paperwork in front of him for his mom and talking about taking him away from his dad because he needs to be with his mom. BM will not allow us to grab him from camp which we have been doing for 4 years on our days she would rather leave him there from 6am to 6pm get off work go home and then go grab him and meet us at a middle spot at 6pm her reasoing be she is home well before pick up and drop off and doesn't want to give us anymore time with SS10.
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Be careful about believing
Be careful about believing everything he says he likes or doesn't like, kids in these situations are known to play both sides.
If BM won't agree (even though he's just asking for a different version of 50/50), DH will have to decide how much (if any) money he wants to throw down the Family Court toilet.
If it is the ask
Perhaps saying stuff to BM about having all that down time for a full week would be weird. Get her thinking about how much she’d be off the hook for an extended time?
What 10 year old would rather
What 10 year old would rather be picked up early from camp by his mom than stay and play with his friends and finish the activities? I also don't think your getting the whole truth from this kid.
Two of mine, that’s who
My DS and my OSS are the kids who were done at the official end of the camp day and not happy about being in extended care time. They are a bit introverted and had “done their time.” Also my DS is a bottomless pit and needed more food (and we already packed a ton—not sure where he puts it all since he’s so skinny).
My 10 year old hates staying
My 10 year old hates staying at the after school program until 6 pm and hates staying camp that late too. If he is there that late he is usually one of the last older kids still there and no other kids are there for him to play with. I have seen it when I have to pick him up. I can get why her SS10 does not like staying that late as he is probably one of the last ones there and is bored out of his mind.
I guess they call daycare
I guess they call daycare "camp" now? Growing up, "camp" was a structured place where kids had a million things to do and it went from A time to B time and kids weren't coming and going per parents' schedules. Daycare? Yes, I can imagine a kid being bored if he's the last to be picked up from daycare.
Yeah the before and after
Yeah the before and after school is at a daycare. His summer program is also at the same daycare. They go do tons of fun activities and trips all summer but they are always back to the facility by like 4:30. Parents start picking up on their way home around that time and usually most are out by 5:30. That is how it was when I was in the summer programs too growing up.
Yes! He’s the only older one
Yes! He’s the only older one and all the kids get picked up way before him along with none of his friends are in camp anymore they’ve either outgrew it or stay at home.
I HATED “camp” as a kid. My
I HATED “camp” as a kid. My parents were military and so I was in this youth center during the summer. I didn’t know most of the other kids and was teased unmercifully. During the main part of the day they had structured “groups” that we would rotate between. We’d get to pick which one but I was always restricted because my family couldn’t afford the cost of some of the groups which needed extra supplies that weren’t covered by the programs basic fees. Then around 3PM the groups would end because parents started to get off work so we just spent the next 2 hours in the rec-room. Without the structured groups we were left to make our own “fun” so I spent the whole time hiding from peers. With 1 staff to every 10 kids they couldn’t do much about bulling.
many of the things you are
many of the things you are saying does not warrant a judge or mediator changing a custody schedule. I know because these are similar examples of why DH wanted to get a 50/50 week to week schedule. Except he had a lot more ammo. The kids’ grades were horrible, cps had actually been to bm’s house and reported a moderately “harsh” environment, and ss’s sd was teaching him how to play drinking games. No one cared.
DH does now have 50/50 custody but it took two years in court and $10,000 to get that.
my recommendation is that DH schedule a meeting with BM and ss either alone or with a paid counselor. DH can tell BM in front of ss what ss has been complaining about and then see if ss stands by his accusations. If everything is true then perhaps the counselor can help find a better schedule for the kid.
TBH, that schedule sounds
TBH, that schedule sounds miserable for a kid with all that midweek switching off. His suggestion of 50/50 every other week actually would make more sense for a school age kid. The fact that his mother may be a less than attentive parent may play into it.. or BF #5..
It's a common schedule, the 2
It's a common schedule, the 2/2/5. My SS had that before BM went Bat Shit Crazy and took 100% of his time, and he liked it. I liked it too because he wasn't with us for a whole week - it was 2 days one week and 5 days the other week.
It wasn't challenging, he went to school from one house and went to the other afterward. He always had everything at both houses, so he didn't have to schlep stuff with him everywhere.
I would say your DH needs to
I would say your DH needs to start getting more truth because he is 10. There is probably some truth to what he is saying but probably some of it is embellished a little bit. I would have you DH sit down and a person and try to come to an understanding.
As for week to week. I know one of my SS's friends does this and it works well for them. Especially as they get older and are involved in more things. Switching off happens on the weekend and you have more time to gather things and get stuff together and hopefully not feel as rushed. He would be able to focus on school more and get things done more as an hour out of the weekdays will not be wasted transporting from one place to another. I agree with the kid here and if he wants it and it is equal time with both parents I do not see the big deal and both parents honoring it. My opinion.
50/50 would also reduce CS
BM would not be happy with CS being reduced. She will most likely fight you on that
Honestly most kids do better
Honestly most kids do better with a week on week off for reasons you explained. Most exchanges happen after school on Friday which gives the kid all weekend to settle into the new home before returning to school. It does mean less interruption since they aren’t switching homes every other day and means they can be fully apart of the family rather than a constant visitor.
Kids do best with 50 50
Kids do best with 50 50 shared equal custody post divorce. Week with dad, week with mom isnt unreasonable.
Some do year with dad, next year with mom. Some do K thru 6 with mom, grade 7 thru 12 with dad.
GoodLuck.